Holidays are Here

It is my favorite time of year again and I LOVE it.  I love the joy, the peace, the songs, the smells, the happiness, the generosity, the kindness, the lessons, the decorations - I just love it all.  I wish it could be like this all year long.  It is too bad that only one month of the year people take time to truly act like Christ.  I am just as guilty at times. I try so hard all year long to show Christ like

love and to be of service to others.  However, there are times that I am praying the phone will not ring and that I can not have to worry about everyone else.  I was reminded today though that I am a betrayer to Christ if I act that way. I need to remember that all that I do I do for Him.  He has given me everything that I have so I can I deny him the help that He needs for his children.  It is not always easy and at times I wish that it would go away; but I will try so hard to change my thinking and my attitude. I  want to serve my family, my sisters, my community.  I want to give back and help others to feel of His love.  I need to do that all year long, not just at Christmas.

The holidays are truly wonderful for me though. I love to cook, to decorate; to celebrate. I love to shop and to give and to create surprised.  I love to be with my family and be there for them.  This year will find my family not complete once again.  I knew when Cortnie went on her mission that we would not all be together for the holidays again for four years.  We are on year three - so halfway through - and I still don't like it.  I know that my children are growing and they will not always be home for the holidays, but I miss them so. Cortnie was not able to come home for Thanksgiving this year as she choose to work instead sot hat she can have extra time off at Christmas.  In fact, we had no family here for  turkey day this year.  We invited a single sister that is Britt's age over though as Idaho was too far for her to go and at the last minute, we had James and Brenda with their girls over.  It was nice.  I enjoy cooking and baking so it is nice to cook for a crowd. We have had my sister here the past few years and I have to admit I really missed that this year.  I miss spending time with her.  I am so looking forward to the day when we can live closer to them and hopefully be able to be together all the time.  I miss my best friend. 

We were also missing Boyd this year.  I am okay as long as I don't think about it - but my heart hurts.  I think of him being alone with no family there and I know that it is twice as hard for him.  We are such a holiday oriented family.  I am grateful for the family that took him in for Thanksgiving and sent me wonderful pictures to enjoy. That was so awesome!!  I even got a text (from the member) that said "I love you mom and dad"....Elder Beatty.  He was right there and I could not even talk to him.  I am so looking forward to Christmas - for the presents and the laughter  - but so that I can actually talk to him and see his beautiful face.  I miss my boy so much.  He has really struggled the last couple of weeks to the point that I emailed his mission president's wife and explained that he needed to talk to president Wilson.  He is still have tons of problems with his companion and feels so bullied.  He needed to talk to him before transfers.  Well, transfers are this coming Tuesday.  He should have found out yesterday if a change was going to be made and I have been praying so hard that it will be.  He needs to feel loved and to feel like he has a purpose there.  He needs to be able to be a missionary and share his love of Christ with the people.  I am not sure he will last much longer if he is still with this comp.  He really wants to stay in his area though so hopefully he will stay and his comp will be reassigned.  We should find out tomorrow - if he gets pday that is.  I have no clue if we will hear from him or not. I sure hope so!!  I need to know how he is doing.  I miss him so much and am so proud of him.

Now we start a very busy month with lots of shopping and service.  Our star giving program is huge at church and it takes a lot of work.  I love the generosity of my ward family though and what they give to the children of our ward. We get to shop for them and take them gifts and take them food. What a true blessing that is and will be for so many.  We are truly blessed so I will help when and where I can. We are also sending gifts to a sister in Boyd's mission who has not much support or possessions. We will send her some stuff and hope that she will feel loved.  I wish I could help everyone but the money only goes so far.  I am excited to share the Christmas spirit with those around me and to help them feel of His love. 

So, as the holidays approach, I hope to make this season more of what Christ would have me do. I will try to remember each day to ask who that day I can help and what I can do for them.  I still have my own family to take care of and maybe they are the one I need to help that day.  I am way excited too to visit our families and take time off of work.  Tomorrow we go to the doctor with Skyler to see if he needs surgery so that scares me some too.  I hate to travel and I have such huge fears of something happening so am tempted to cancel.  Faith - I lack in that area sometimes and I need to rely on it more. I know that my Saviour and Heavenly Father will provide and take care of us.  I will share that spirit this season and try to bring the real reason for Christmas into my home. 

Tired Momma

As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday afternoon, the sun is shining but I can finally turn off my air conditioner. The weather is absolutely perfect!!  I so with it would stay like this for many more months - and not get cold.  I want to be out side right now - walking or running or just sitting.  I want to enjoy the little breeze and just relax.  Those are my plans for later today - to go for a nice walk and hopefully be with my family.

Work has been so crazy lately as well as our lives. I am so worn out and tired but somehow I find the strength each day to go on.  I know that it is my Heavenly Father giving me that strength.  I can do anything with his help.  We have had two people quit at work so guess who gets to work all the extra hours?  My days are long and so busy that it is hard to settle down when I come home at night.  I have not been running hardly at all so my body is putting weight back on and that has sent me into sadness. I worked so hard to get that weight off and now have to do it all over again. I am not up to where I used to be, but it is enough that I am not comfortable in my clothes and I don't feel as healthy. Tomorrow starts my new journey....I need to lose weight before the holidays.  I need to feel and look better.  I need to make and find time for myself but I feel so guilty when I do.  I feel like I am ignoring my kids when I do that and then I get videos from them saying that they felt alone in their own home. That totally breaks my heart.  it is precious time that I can never get back.  I hate that thought that my children have those types of memories.  If only I could do it all over again. 

We have been traveling a lot too on the weekends.  We went to Phoenix to the new temple open house - which was so awesome by the way. I love it that my kids like to be in the temple.  We went to Vegas for Kaylin's missionary farewell. We went to Vegas twice more to pick up and take back Cortnie after she came down for a visit for her birthday.  It was such a great weekend but it reminded me how much I miss her so much.  We will be going to Vegas twice more in the next two weeks and then maybe to Panaca for Thanksgiving.  I just am tired of traveling but so grateful for the memories that we are making.  I have a great family who puts up with so much from me.  I love them dearly.

I still miss Boyd each and every day.  I wish so bad I could just have a hug. How grateful I am when those arms are around me tight as I feel his hugs - just like he was here - even if it is only a dream.  I don't believe they are coincidence.  I believe they are truly tender mercies from my Heavenly Father.  I worry about him as he has some issues with his companion and pray that he can last long enough to see through him and become a true missionary.  I am so proud of him. 

I worry about all of my children. My prayers morning and night and en between are that they are healthy and strong and happy. I pray that they will be guided to know what to do with their lives and how to make the most of them. I pray they will have friends and that others will love them as I do. it breaks my heart to hear and see them just sitting at home with no one to do anything with.  I really wish I could have a second chance....maybe with grandkids if I ever get any.

Life is good...I get down quite a bit lately but try to hide it or ignore it.  I have too many other people to worry about that I need to put them first.  That is what Christ would do and that is what I want to do.  it makes me happy...tired but happy. 

Awesome Weekend!

So, I have had a life long dream of attending General Conference in person.  I have wanted to be in the same room as the prophet and feel the spirit so strongly.  Well, the opportunity came up and I snatched it.  We were on Fall Break from school and I was able to get us tickets to go - so I took time off from work and away we went. It was great too cause we were able to spend some time with Cortnie and that was nice.  I really have missed her too.  The only thing that could have made it better was to have had all my children there to experience it together - but Boyd knew we were going and encouraged us to go. I had told him I did not want to go without him but he wanted us to go.  It would have been great to have him by my side.  I have really missed him the past week or so and I think it was in part due to the trip. 

Anyway, we took a fast trip to Utah which was only four days.  I hate to drive up and back that fast, but I would gladly do it again.  It was so great to relax for a couple of days and just hang out.  Saturday morning we listened to conference on TV then headed out during the last speaker - the downfall of going to conference.  Tina and Ashlyn went with us too.  We got there with lots of time to enjoy the music and the spirit in the room.  Soon enough, everyone was standing....the prophet was coming.  My breath was taken away as President Monson entered the room. We were way up high so could not see his face clearly, but I knew it was him. You could just feel the spirit so strongly in the room.  I actually almost started to cry.  I really would have loved to have shaken his hand....but being there was great.  The talks for that  session were wonderful as always and Cortnie got her dream of listening to Elder Holland in person.  I have to say his talk was my favorite. I cried during that one as he told of the time President Monson rode home on an airplane in his slippers as he had given his shoes, his extra suit and shirts and coat to someone who needed it.  Talk about Christlike.  That is what I want to be like.  I was so touched that I could not sing the song and did not want to leave.  It was awesome!! I promised  Boyd we would take him when he gets home and I can hardly wait.  It was somewhat comforting to know though that he was at least watching conference at the exact same time as us - so in a sense we were doing it together. 

I did have one of those special tender mercies though the next day.  Like I said, I had been missing my son quite a bit and I long so bad to feel his arms around me and have a big hug.  I was allowed that to happen to me as I slept early Monday morning.  I had the most vivid dream of him giving me the biggest hug.  I could feel his arms around me as he hugged me really tight.  I knew that the hug would not last and that I would have to let him go....and as soon as I did, he was gone.  I then woke up.  I felt so warm and fuzzy as I woke up and so wished I could close my eyes and feel him again.  I know that it was my Heavenly Father's way of letting me know that Boyd was okay and that he was happy.  He was trying to give me that peace that I needed. Then yesterday I got a picture from Boyd of Winnie the Pooh and Eyor telling me that even if we are apart, "I'll always be with you."  I had actually sent that to Boyd and he drew it from that picture and sent it back to me.  It hit really hard too - I cried for quite a while and sobbed when I went to bed.  I know that my son is where he is supposed to be, but I  miss him so much.  I keep waiting for the time to start going by quickly but it is not - it is dragging on.  I miss him and wish he could be my little boy again.  However, I want other families to be eternal too and I know that he will find those families and make it happen.  Somedays it is just so hard.......

I will forever be grateful for wonderful weekend topped off with a most powerful dream....tender mercies indeed.

Tender Mercies

Yesterday we had the opportunity to talk to Boyd during his layover in Atlanta.  I will have to say, he was very nervous and scared and cried a whole lot. That is so not what this momma wanted to hear.  I prayed so hard the rest of the day to know how to help him. I belong to a group on facebook that is for mothers of missionaries and I felt prompted to post a request on there for mothers to pray for Boyd to be comforted and for him to feel the spirit.  The story unfolds from there......and this is the angel who was a part of our Tender Mercy from the Lord.  I will forever be grateful to her....


So with all of that said here is how my day of service with the missionaries came to be.... While we were traveling home from dropping our daughter off at BYU-Idaho, in the middle of no where Wyoming, my phone rang and I saw on caller ID it was the Sisters.  My first thought was to ignore the call, what could I do so far from home, but something said answer it.   Sister Nelson (a sister missionary in our stake) was on the other end.   She said "Sister Kemmey, is there any way possible you could drive to transfers this month"?  I said well I am not home right now, we are out west, but heading home even as we speak.  I will look at my calendar, we should be home by the weekend and I will let you know.  Now, just a little history, I LOVE Sister Nelson.  She is one of those sweet sisters you could and would want to claim as your own.  Well as we got home, life got in the way, kids heading to school, going back to work, and trying to adjust back to a schedule, and although I didn't forget, I just brushed it aside....Until...last week when I had the distinct impression to call her and tell her I would be more than happy to drive Richmond.  (It's about an hour and twenty minutes away).  I will be honest, it was like as if I was talking to you, someone saying you NEED to do this.. How do you argue with the spirit...YOU  DON'T.  We had to meet at the church at 11 this morning.  Yesterday, I texted Sister Nelson and asked "Hey do they feed you guys at transfers".  She said "No", but we have strong stomachs.  Well my first bought was, this is over the lunch hour and although they are missionaries they are still kids.  I put my thinking cap on and quickly thought of making lunch sacks with all the goodies a good homemade lunch could provide, right down to homemade pumpkin whoopee pies and M&M's.  Don't worry there was fruit and a deli sandwich as well.  While I was out last night running errands I happen to call my sister Amy and told her what I had planned and asked her what she thought..She's crazy like me, and would have done the exact same thing.   Infact, I told her I was pulling an Amy.  As we were talking she said hey I am on this Facebook page called missionary momma's and there was this mom who posted her plea for prayers on behalf of her son who was headed to the Richmond VA mission.  I said to her, wait "I am taking sisters tomorrow, what's his name"  I will find him. Last night your son was on my mind the whole night,  I did not rest well, knowing I needed to find him and let him know there were many of us thinking of him and praying for him. When I got up this morning, somehow I knew deep inside I would find him and that all would be well.  As the Elders and Sisters piled in my van, I told them I had a huge favor to ask.  I said "guys there's an brand new missionary, he's homesick, scared and brand new.  I need you to take this bag and write something loving and encouraging to him...You guys remember you first days in the mission. "  They were all so nice and kind...I was touched to read the sweet things they wrote. So as this whole story has come full circle the LORD knew I needed to be the one to drive today...It's the TENDER MERCIES of the spirit.  Sometimes we doubt that still small voice.  For me, I am so thankful I listened.

She also snatched some pictures of him and his new companion which are priceless....I will say, he looks like he might have lost some weight. 

It is Raining...inside and out

Today was such a great day to take off of work...the rain has been coming down slowly all day long but the waterfall in the house has not ceased.  Just when I thought I had things under control, the floods come along and the rivers flow once more.  It truly has been a long day but one that I would not trade for anything else. I was able to hear my sons voice today and that is worth a thousand waterfalls. 

Boyd left the MTC today for Virginia and was able to call from Atlanta.  His day started at 2:00 this morning as they wanted to make sure they had plenty of time at the MTC to get through security and immigration.  I don't think anyone planned on the fact that all the flights were delayed due to the rain there so he sat at the MTC for almost five hours.  Poor kid!  I immediately checked his flight status when I finally decided it was crazy to stay in bed any longer as I was not sleeping due to worrying about him.  When I did, I started to cry.  I found out his flight was delayed then realized he would have less than an hour in Atlanta so there would be no way for him to call home.  I was devastated!  I called missionary travel to find out what they do in that circumstance as I did not think they would make their connecting flight. I was informed that the later flight had already been changed and he would still have his 2 1/2 hour layover in Atlanta.  That hopefully meant he would still call.  I will have to say, that was the longest morning ever. I kept checking the computer to make sure his flight was okay and to see if it had landed yet.  I actually jumped when my phone finally rang. 

His voice was on the other end and I don't even think he said hello.  He wanted to tell me that he only had five minutes on the free phone that he was on and was going to try to call back when he figured out another way.  What!!  After waiting all morning, I might only get five minutes with him.  I was trying to be positive and say at least it was five minutes, but I wanted more.  We talked for a few minutes and I told him what to do to get a calling card and then the phone went dead.  I was praying that he could figure it out but my phone was silent for what seemed forever.  After about twenty minutes he called back.  We immediately called Rob and Britt (tried Cort but she was in class) and we were all on the phone with him - Skyler too.  he cried for most of our conversation.   We tried so hard to buoy him up and make him happy but it was so hard.  We asked questions about the flight and the MTC but he just kept telling us he was nervous and scared.  He cried a lot and that was so hard.  He knew it was time to go but you could tell he did not want to hang up.  Why is it that phone calls or Skype sessions go by was too fast.  We finally said good-bye and I told him that I loved him so much.  We tried to tell him to be happy and go live his dream and not be afraid.  Then the waterfall really came.  I actually sat on the kitchen floor in the corner and cried hard.  Skyler was so sweet and came to sit next to me and let me cry on his shoulder.  Twice more during the day, he came to me and just help me in a hug as I cried again.  I know that Boyd is supposed to be there, but I miss him so much.  It is so hard!!!

I also truly wonder if he will make it.  My heart shouts yes, but my doubtful mind shouts no.  He is so tender and so lonely you can just hear it in his voice.  We got a phone call tonight from the mission home letting us know he was there. I  asked how he was and the kind sister said he was pretty quiet.  Tomorrow he meets with the mission president as well as the nurse. I  just wish they would give him some other type of medication.  This one is not working.  I pray that they can help him through this and that he will be given a wonderful companion....who is funny, loving and patient. Boyd really needs that.  Tonight my heart aches again for my little boy.  I wish I could just give him one more hug and tell him that I love him.  I want so badly to take away his pain - but only he can do that with our Heavenly Father's help. He needs to learn to rely on him.  Hopefully the floods will stop soon.

Other than that, we are doing well. We are as busy as ever.  I figured out this past weekend, that we will be gone every weekend (at least one day of it) for the next two months. That is so crazy!!  I guess it will keep me busy though and help pass the time. I worry about Cortnie in Utah, have had some trying times with Skyler this week and worry about Britt ever having a social life.  I know my prayers are heard but sometimes the answers are not fast enough for me.  Patience....that is one thing I don't have a lot of.  I am just so grateful for a Heavenly Father who will help me along the way. 

Sad...but Happy

Wow, it seems like it has been forever since I have written and especially since I took Boyd to the airport...but it has only been just over two weeks.  I will have to say that it has been a very long, hard two weeks emotionally and spiritually.  My life is still one big rollercoaster ride but I am ready to get on the kiddie one and have it sail smooth for awhile.

It all started out two days after we dropped Boyd off. I was at work and was told I had a phone call.  I went to the phone to ask the costumer to wait and the reply was...okay mom.  It was Boyd.  My heart sank and I wanted to cry. I finished with my costumer then answered the phone. I tried to be as cheery as a possible good knowing that on the other end was going to be sad boy. Boy....was I right but I had not idea it was that bad.  As soon as I answered, he started to cry.  He begged and pleaded with me to bring him home. He told me that he could not do it and that he just needed to come home for a year, go to school and then go back out. He said that he was only there cause I wanted him to be and that he was not ready to do all of this.  My heart was broken. I wanted so badly to cry with him and to tell him to get on the next plane - but I knew that I could not do that.  If he came home, I knew he would not go back out and he would regret it so bad.  We talked for quite a while about what was going on and how he was feeling.  He continued to beg me to bring him home but I was strong.  We talked for well over an hour and finally I got him calmed down.  I told him about the promises he got when he was set apart and that he was told the there were people in Virginia that would only accept the gospel because of him.  That seemed to be the turning point....he asked me if he really said that and I told him that he had.  I wanted so bad to hug him and tell him it would be okay - and he told me that he missed my hugs so much.  I was not hiding it but told him I missed him like crazy too but that he had a work to do.  He finally calmed down and agreed to stay for the weekend. President Pratt asked if it would be okay to give him some meds to calm him down and I agreed as long as Boyd said it was okay.  It was so hard to hang up knowing that he was hurting so bad. That he hated life right then and probably me. That he wanted to be my little boy again and cuddle in my arms.  I cried so hard the rest of the day. 

That began a very long weekend of fasting and prayer. I do not honestly believe that I have ever fasted and prayed so hard in my life.  It was also the weekend I was taking Cortnie back to school (yes, two kids in one week out of my home) and that was so hard. I did not want to go as I was afraid he would call again.  I did get another phone call on the way to Utah from President Pratt.  It was that night. He told me that Boyd seemed to be doing better and was going to keep praying about what to do.  He was being taken under the wing of his district leader.  I fasted all day on Friday, ate very little on Saturday, then fasted again on Sunday.  I asked for other to join in my fast and prayers.  Sunday after church, I took my scriptures and went to the grounds of the Provo Temple.  I prayed and read all the scriptures I could find about peace.  There were so many missionaries there - coming over from that MTC to walk around and take pictures.  It was amazing the peace it brought to me seeing them and picturing my son doing the same thing.  I had a feeling he would be okay but I was so skeptical.

Later that night by phone rang again and it was from Mexico.  President Pratt was on the line. He told me that my son was a totally different person and was doing so much better.  He also told me that Boyd had told him to tell me that he was staying.  Tears of you ran down my cheeks.  That little part of me wanted to scream no though - I am sorry, but it did.  I would love to have my son home.  However, he had made that commitment to serve our Heavenly Father and I know it will change him forever.  Since then we have been able to email chat once a week and it is paradise.  It is so hard when it is time to go - that hour flies by.  He has told me that he knows he is supposed to be there and go to Virginia.  He is still struggling so bad with the language though and even wrote a letter home to Rob to ask him for suggestions.  Now my prayers are turned to Spanish.  I want him to succeed.  He had a hard week last week as one of the sisters who was going with him to Virginia did end up going home and his companion was thinking about it too. He was playing the other card this time and was trying to help them want to stay. 

So, life goes on.  A big part of me is empty and I wish so bad I could have another hug and just hear his voice. I miss my teddy bear and my daughter at college.  My house seems so quite here but we are trying to get involved with our other two children too.  I would much rather be with my kids doing things than anything else.  We are supposed to go to a getaway in a couple of weeks (just Rob and I) and I am so afraid of going.   I don't like to leave my kids alone or be without them.  I love my  husband but I worry way to much.

For now, I pray that my Heavenly Father will protect us all and especially help Boyd.  I will be okay as long as I know my children are all right too - and my best friend

My Little Boy

My heart is so empty tonight as it aches to feel the arms of my sweet son around me once again. Today has been one of those days that you wish you never had to do or go through.  It truly was one of the hardest days of my life.  How I wish I could have just one more day with Boyd or even turn back the time clock a few years.  I wonder what I would have done different.  I always regret it when they leave and wish I had done so much more with them.....but I just have to hope it was enough.  I will forever be grateful for the most wonderful summer that we have had together as a family.  We have created some special memories and I will cherish those forever.  It will now be two years before we are complete as a family again and even then, children will be off to school and living their own lives.  I don't like the fact that they are growing up. Rob even echoed that comment today. 

This past month has been a whirlwind of more traveling and getting Boyd ready to go.  I took 12 days off of work to go to Utah to be with my children. We took Skyler to EFY and it was so awesome for him.  I have never seen him so touched by the spirit and so tender hearted.  He cried so hard when we left and asked if he could go for two weeks next year.  I will gladly pay that much money for my children to walk away with testimonies that are even more sound.  My greatest goal in life is to see all of my children go to the temple and stay close to the church.  He truly came back a different person and I pray he will hold onto it. 

We also spent time getting Cortnie ready to go back to school and getting her settled in my parents basement. She has decided to live with them this year.  I finally had to put a limit on what she was spending as it was getting a little overboard.  I hated to do it, but with me not working much this summer, the checkbook is a little bit short.  Her room is done now though and is really cute. She has found a new job that she will start next week so I will be taking her back to Utah this weekend.  Two children in less than a week to say good-bye too. I dont' like that at all.

However, my heart is dwelling on Boyd tonight.  I do pretty good for a while but then suddenly the tears start to come. I dont' feel like eating and just seem to be wandering around today. I feel kind of lost.  These past few weeks I have wondered how Boyd truly was and prayed so hard that he would be ready to go.  Boyd carries the same tender heart that I do and worries the same as me.  We are/were truly close.  As we went to shop for his clothes, he did not seem excited at all. In fact, he did not want to go. He wanted me to do it all for him. Well, I could not do that as he needed to be measured for his suits and pants as well as shoes.  We were able to get it all done in one day though (the major stuff anyway) and it cost a pretty penny.  I am so glad we started savings accounts for them a few years ago. The money went far enough to get everything that he needed - but a bike. 

Boyd had taken on new role the past few weeks. He was so kind and loving and helpful around the house.  He told me one night, he was cleaning the bathrooms cause I had been doing so much and he knew I needed help.  It brought tears to my eyes.  I was so worried about him going on his mission though. He just never did seem excited. I would try to talk to him about it and he said he was fine.  He kept telling me he wanted to go and that he was not going to cry.  Well, we know much better now. 

It all started with his "farewell" at church.  Rob and I both spoke and then it was his turn.  I did pretty good with my talk and only broke down one time.  That was at the end when I read his scripture, Joshua 1:9 that talks about that we are never left alone.  Boyd has always had a hard time making friends and has been bullied.  He told me his biggest fear was to get out on his mission and be a loner.  I have prayed so hard that others will love him as I do.  Boyd's talk was so sweet. I wish I could have recorded it. It was all about his scripture and that he knew Heavenly Father would be with him.  He used quite a few tissues that day.  I finally was seeing the side of Boyd that was scared about his mission and that he was not all wonderful about going.  It made me worry even more. 

The next two weeks went by way to quickly and that brings us to this week. I took the two days off before he left so that I could be home with him.  We packed, finished shopping, played games, went to dinner - I wish we would have done so much more. I just wanted to spend all my time with him.  Monday night he came into our room and sat on my bed with me.  He started to cry.  He told me he had cried himself to sleep the night before as he was scared to go. He was afraid to leave us and not be able to talk to us.  That is my biggest challenge too.  We talked for over an hour and tried to calm him down.  I told him that we would be just fine and that I would always be in his heart.  I would be only a prayer away.  I promised to write tons of letters and send pictures.  How I wish I could actually talk to him. Christmas is way too far away for that.  he felt somewhat better and was able to sleep that night. 

The day before he left (yesterday), I let him sleep until almost 11:00.  I knew he would not be doing that again for two years.  That worries me too as Boyd needs his sleep.  We stayed together again that day and he gave me probably 20 hugs.  He would gett teary eyed and the tears would silently roll down his cheeks.  it was finally time to for him to be set apart so he put on his new wardrobe for the next two years also.  As we went to leave, he quietly walked back to his bedroom.  He stood at the door and looked inside and started to cry.  I put my arms around him and led him to the car.  He met with President Miller first and told him his biggest fears. President Miller told him that he just needed to close his eyes and jump.  That it would be okay.  His blessing as he ordained him was so great. I wish I had a copy.  He promised Boyd that he would learn the language, that he would be a fine a missionary, that there were particular people in Virginia that were waiting for only him to teach them the gospel.  He told him his family would be okay and he would be protected.  Boyd was so grateful when he was done. He said he told him just what he needed to hear.  We then said family prayer in our little circle and it was time to say good-bye.  I think the kids were trying to be brave and strong for him as they did not cry - well, Cortnie did. She told him it really was the best two years of his life.  It was then time to head to Las Vegas.

Boyd had to be at the airport at 4:00 this morning so we slept in a condo over night.  He talked nonstop the whole way there - out of nerves I think.  As we got to the condo, we dressed for bed and then the tears started again.  My grown boy looked like he was three again.  His face was so sad and so scared. Rob gave him a father's blessing and we did record that one.  He told his son that it was his time to go and serve.  He told him we would miss him so much and were so proud of him.  We then headed to bed - but not to sleep.  Boyd curled up on my shoulder just like Cortnie did the night before she left.  He started to cry - really hard - I mean he was sobbing and shaking.  He told me how scared he was about not making friends, about leaving us, and missing us, and so much more. I just gently held him stroked his head.  I tried my best to calm his fears and to talk to him.  Every so often, I would cry with him.  He lay there for over an hour. Finally, exhausted, he fell asleep but I know he did not sleep well.  He kept whining in his sleep too. All too soon, it was time to get him up - and I was afraid he would not do it.  He just laid there and I could tell he did not want to go.  A leap of faith though - he finally arose.

After showering and eating, we said another prayer.  Rob blessed  us all to be safe and to be calm.  He pleaded with our Heavenly Father to watch over his son and take care of him.  We told him we loved him and were so proud of him.  It took us awhile to get to the right gate at the airport to check him in, but finally we were there.  We asked for a security pass so that we could go back to the plane with him, but they only gave us one.  Rob said there was not question as to whom should go.  As we got to the security gate, it was time for father and son to say good-bye. They both held each other for a long time and wept on shoulders. Rob watched us as far as he could see us and Boyd turned to wave.  I learned later that Rob said he went to a quiet area and cried for his son.  We managed to get to the gate but with only about 10 minutes to spare.  Boyd anxiously looked around for other missionaries and I prayed so hard to see one.  No one came though - that meant he was alone on the first leg of his flight. We sat in the chairs and talked about what he needed to do and held hands.  Silent tears were there as he laid his head on my shoulder.  They called for his boarding group but he stayed put. They called the next one and when they were almost through, he let out a big breath and stood up. He pulled me into his arms and gave me the last hug I would get for two years.  We both said we loved each other and would miss each other.  He then stood tall and walked straight ahead.  As he got through the gate, he turned to give me a big smile and waved good-bye.  My heart melted and left right then. I waited for his plane to pull away and then found the loving arms of my husband.  We cried together and talked about how much we would miss him.  Our world will not be the same until he is back in our arms. 

We were lucky enough to get a short email from Boyd this afternoon letting us know that he had arrived safely.  He told us his Pday would be on Tuesday and he would write more than but he had only five minutes to tell us he was there. He said he loved us and missed us and then was gone.  My son...the missionary.....so proud of him but my heart is so empty. I love you son....serve well.