Can it really be a whole year since I last penned anything? I used to be so good at this and wanted to write history for my children. It is hard to find or make the time but I need to do better. There is no way to remember everything from this past year...
We are well! The pandemic is finally starting to go away and I feel back to normal every day. Our prophet has lifted mask restrictions at church and in the temples so that means it has to be getting better. The joys of the temple - my peaceful quiet time. I have a goal to go once a month this year and so far, we have done it. I also have the opportunity to serve in the temple now but I have such mixed feelings, I know that Rob's heart does not desire to spend four hours a week in the temple, but my heart so wishes he would be there with me. I hate the idea of driving there and being there by myself every week. I know we would not be in the same areas most of the time as we served, but just the thought of doing it alone makes me want to wait. I am so torn as to what to do.
My family is well. We have good jobs, we have clothing, food, a house, cars, beautiful weather, freedom, love...we are so blessed. I so wish my kids could live their dreams. I know they want to be married, to have children, to move out of my house...but that is something I can not provide for them. My heart wishes so bad I could make it happen, but I have to sit back quietly and shed tears as I know their hearts are hurting. I don't understand it. They don't understand it. But we try to have faith that it is the right thing and go forward every day.
My beautiful Brittnie had a scare earlier this year as she was tested for thyroid cancer. The procedure was not fun (15 biopsy needles in her neck) but with the faith and prayers of our family, the nodules are not cancer. She most likely needs to have them taken care of as they are causing more choking issues. She has been so brave and felt the peace of our Heavenly Father through it all. She hopes to go to Alaska soon on vacation and might just go by herself. That breaks my heart to think that she will be traveling alone. She has a great spirit and is so willing to help anyone. I just wish her prince would ride up on his white horse soon.
Cortnie is in Boston now. She lives by herself as she goes to graduate school. She flies to Orlando a lot to visit Jonathan and spend time there. She just had her first play where she was the head custom designer and she put in so many hours. She is going so far into debt to live there as it is so expensive. I wish I had the money to give to her but she wants to do it on her own. I hope she can find a good job when she is done. Will she have a life with Jonathan? I think so but I know the thought of no temple marriage really bothers her. Maybe someday.
Boyd still is at home too. He is doing online animation school and seems to struggle to get past one class. He works for a school and seems to have a passion for little kids. He has been battling some depression demons lately so finally started counseling. I only want him to be happy and find his way in life. Hopefully, he can work it all out
Skyler moved to Logan in January to live with his cousins. He is not doing school but works at a car wash. He seems to be happy and was ready to be on his own. He has grown and is taking to take control of his life. I have to laugh when he puts me on a video call in Walmart as we walk the aisles together to find something on the shelf, or calls to ask how to make mashed potatoes. I am proud of him but sure miss him in our home. It is hard to walk by his empty bedroom every day.
Rob - he is still the love of my life. We don't spend as much time as we should and I know that is my fault. I love to be in his arms - my safe place. He sends me the best texts or just gives me the I love you smile when I need it. He walked me through hand surgery a few weeks ago and took care of me while I recovered. He truly is my best friend and I love him so much.
We have gone to Cancun twice this past year with just us and it was the best ever. Scotland got canceled due to the pandemic, but we took the kids to Cancun in August. It was a great family vacation and I can't wait to do more. I have decided that we could put all our extra money on the truck to pay it off, or we could make memories with our kids and each other. I prefer the latter and can't wait for the next vacation.
We also thought we were losing Rob's mom earlier this year. We took all the kids up to see her (with Cortnie on the phone) and they all told her goodbye. Rob gave her a blessing to go home, to be with dad, and not to worry about us. It was the most pain-wrenching thing to watch them all cry to say goodbye. However, we know that families are forever. We were totally surprised the next day to get a phone call that she was back awake and is still with us today. I am grateful, but don't want to go through that again. Watching your parents suffer is really hard - we watched my mom suffer from a head injury but she is doing well now too.
Blessed - yes I am! I want to grow old with my best friend, to travel with him and my kids; to walk my daughters through weddings and childbirth; to hold grandbabies in my arms; to see my sons be the best fathers out there. I pray every day that I can make a difference in the world and am so grateful to have my Savior beside me to do that. I would want it no other way.
