Emotionally and Phsycially Worn Out

 It is a quiet Sunday afternoon and I am sitting here trying to find strength and energy to keep going.  I am so physically and emotionally exhausted, but somehow each day I find the strength to just keep going.  I just read my last post about looking for the rainbow and it brought tears to my eyes. Did I know that I was typed that while back that it would be the source of what I needed to read today? That it would remind me that I can do hard things and that the rainbows are there.  I just need to keep looking for them, relying on my Heavenly Father and pushing forward. 

I know work was going to be busy, but I guess I did not think it would be this busy. I worked an extra 33 hours last month.  I spent many nights working after I got home to prepare for  the next day.  Trainings for FSY have taken me out of the office roughly 15 hours each week for the past month so I have to do the work after hours.   I will have to say though, that at one of the first trainings I went to, i was on the side with my team waiting to do more fingerprinting of the employees.  I looked out over the congregation of almost 1600 people sitting there and was emotionally struck with the responsibility that I have to be a part of these young kinds lives; to help them be able to work and teach kids younger than them about Christ and his love.  My dad stated it is more like a calling that I have been given and it is a littel bit overwhelming.  I am so honored to be able to have the job I do. To have the trust of my Father in Heaven put in me to help these people be more like him.  I am so happy no matter how tired I am.  I am forever grateful I have been given the chance to work at BYU. 

The exhaustion continues though as the teammate we were strongly with was let go this past week. I hate to see anyone lose their job, but it was such a struggle getting him to do things. He has camps that needs teachers that have stared and those teachers were not even hired. We have been going through his camps that now start tomorrow and found over half of them not ready to start.  We get to go to work now at 6 tomorrow morning to hopefully get them all done.  It is such a huge stress, but at least we have control of it now that he is gone and once it is caught up, it will be okay.  I am grateful for my dear friend and coworker, La, who is such an inspiration to me. 

That being said, I have been feeling like a failure when it comes to my family lately.  Rob says I am not, but I feel like my life has just been all work. I try so hard to balance it out and spend time with them. I try to help him with his projects and markets as much as I can. I spent the last two days with him at a market close to our home sitting in the extreme heat and not seeing anyone buying anything.  My heart ached for Rob and it was so hard to watch.  However, it worked out okay in the end and it was great to be there with him. 

Skyler has decided he wants to move to Washington so we are trying to help him find a job. It breaks my heart he will be so far away but he needs to make a life for himself. I just hope he can find a job soon and take some of that pressure off of us.  Brittnie passed her test to be an insurance broker and her company loves her. They are moving her up and letting her manage groups.  My old Magellan coworkers tell me all the time how awesome she is.  I just so wish that she and Boyd could find some friends.  Boyd started working for a family in our ward and gets up at 6:30 every morning to work out side all day in the hot heat.  He is doing well and looking forward to a trip to Japan in November. 

Then there is my daughter Cortnie.  It hurts so bad to not be able to be close to her.  She is still trying to work but is so tired and ready to have a baby.  Her feet swell up every day and she is very uncomfortable but it won't be much longer, The doctor told her on Friday he might see her before her next appointment.  It is just hard to sit on the sidelines know that she will be enduring pain and suffering and not there to help her.  But, I am looking forward to spending two weeks with her after the little one is born. I just am so anxious and a worry wart so am praying so hard that all will be okay with her and the baby. 

So yes, life is hard.  It is hard when I get asked me make a meal for a neighbor or when my parents call and need help. I really just want to say no and what about me. But, I know that if I continue to serve, help and love others, I will be okay.  I feel my Saviors love in all the world around me and pray that I can radiate it to those I am with each day. 

Look for the Rainbow

 What a gloomy day. The sky is cloudy and the rain is falling, but we need the rain so bad.  I keep looking out side to see if there is a rainbow to maybe brighten things up a little bit but there are rainbows if I look for them.  I was able to make cookies and give some to the neighbor girl who came to borrow marshmallows; my niece who rarely calls me, called today and asked me to help her not be lonely or bored; my little girl who cries so hard in nursery decided today was a good day and only cried for a minute then she was fine as long as I was near and she could take my hand; I have a roof over my head and soon will cook a yummy meal - rainbows are all around.

Life is good. Work is going well and my busy season will be here before you know it. Almost all of the candidates have been hired so now it is just making sure they are all set to work.  Dooms day is in two weeks so the next couple of weeks will probably mean extra hours and late nights.  But, I love my job!  I am so happy to be there and to work with such great people who are my friends.  We did hire a new guy and it is a struggle with him right now. He comes to work in his slippers, sleeps at his desk, and takes so many breaks during the day it is crazy. He has yet to work his full shift but yet he is getting paid for the full eight hours which is not fair.  It is really affecting our team and hopefully it will pass shortly.  Rob seems to enjoy his job there too especially only working 28 hours a week.  It is fun to chat with him during the day and every so often to go visit just to say hello. 

We did go to Orlando a few weeks ago to help build a nursery.  Cortnie's house is very old and she is trying so hard to update it.  She needed a space to put the baby so we flew out over night and worked almost nonstop for three days. We did take time to go to her baby shower and some of our friends that live there met up with us so that was fun.  Other than that, we spend time taking down wallpaper, painting, putting up doors, pulling down shelves, building furniture etc. but by the time we left, it was a nursery.  It is hard to believe that the little one will be here in about seven weeks.  I can hardly wait to go back and hold that bundle in my arms. I really wanted to be there when it was born, but Cort wants me to wait a week before coming so I can be there after Jonathan goes back to work.  It will be hard to wait but I will do what she asks.  I am lucky that work is going to let me work from home, take PTO or take sick time so it will all be good.  I really have a great job!

Rob turned 60 this year and I wanted to do something extra big for him. I had a trip booked to Hawaii, but cancelled that as it was right after he started his job. So then I booked a trip to Cabo but there are so many wars in Mexico right now, I did not feel safe going.  We eventually decided to go to Disneyland.  We have not been there for years as we always go to Disneyworld since that is where Cortnie and Jonathan are.  We also decided to take our other kids with us since last year and now this year are a lot about Cortnie. We did not want them to feel left out.  So, we planned a quick trip down there this past weekend.  We spent two days in the park and it was so much fun.  The kids laughed and played together. We rode lots of rides and ate lots of food.  Skyler even got his dad on the teacups and was kind enough to not spin him so he did not get sick.  The weather was perfect, the planes were on time, and it was just the best ever.  I will gladly give up some of my retirement to make memories now with my family. I would rather enjoy it now while we still can.  There are a couple more trips planned this year but of course they are to Orlando for a baby birth and then a blessing.  I think there will be lots more trips to Orlando for some odd reason.  I am also happy to say that they will be here for Christmas this year so we will get to have the baby's first Christmas. 

I am just so thankful for all that I have.  I can't imagine living anywhere else, or doing anything different.  My life is complete.  I love my weekly temple nights where I get to serve others.  I am constantly being reminded of the grace of our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as I work there.   I don't think I ever leave without having felt the spirit overwhelm me.  It comes at odd moments, but it is always what I need.  How grateful I am for that chance to serve. 

Well, duty of a wife and mother call. Off to fix dinner and then maybe a quick trip to visit my parents.  Hopefully the rain will stop soon, but until it does, I will try to find the rainbows to make the day a little bit brighter.  

The Ups and Downs

 It seem unreal that we are almost through February and that spring is just around the corner. However, we never really had much of a winter this year - the snow that is. The weather has been cold and the fingers are still frozen, but only one good snow storm has come our way.  I am not found of the snow, so I am okay with it, but I love my garden so I know that we need it. However, it looks really pretty on the mountains so just let it all go there right?  Winter is always a little bit harder for me as the days are gloomy and I am stuck inside. So, that say I am ready for Spring is an understatement. I want to enjoy the sunshine, the growing flowers, and the ah of knowing what is coming.  Just like the winter days, everyday life has it gloomy days and the days where the light is just around the corner.  I heard a conference talk the other day that is a new motto of mine - no complaints, just smiling faces.  I am trying so hard to make it a reality, but when things tend to go the wrong direction, it is hard to not complain and keep smiling.  I will continue to work on it.  

Life is still a rollercoaster ride.  It seems like I am so busy all the time, that it is hard to stop and smell the roses.  Work is busy but so great! I hope I can actually retire hire and be with my coworkers that long.  I truly cherish them. I love what I am doing and love being in the spirit of Christ on a daily basis.  Everyone keeps asking me if I am overwhelmed (which I am not unless my computer stops working for almost two hours) so it makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong or not getting it all done.  I hear horror stories of the last person in my position and wonder what was so hard about the job.  I just pray that I am doing it all right and that it will continue to go smoothly.  I am thankful they give me time off to see family, to get my hair done, to sit in a hospital while mom is in surgery, to work from home if I need to I absolutely love my job.  Rob actually started at BYU a couple of weeks ago too.  He is only working 3/4 time (28 hours a week) but it is fun to have him close. We get to chat back and forth throughout the day, he stops by to give me hugs or clean the snow off my car; he understands now why it is a great place to work.  I feel bad for him though as his job has a lot of down time and I know how hard and boring that is. I am hopeful they will give him more to do and that he will be happy there. The best part is they allow him to kind of make his own schedule so he will still be able to his markets when they start up again.  I truly married a great man.  He loves me no matter what, is so forgiving and kind and is so talented. He turns 60 this year and I so want to take him on a birthday trip.  I have a trip booked to Cabo, but after spending all day yesterday working on them we owe taxes again this year, so the trip might be gone.  But, he only turns 60 once and I want to celebrate.  An up and a down - what do I do? 

I also found out this past little while that my mother has cancer. They took out several lymph nodes in her neck which she has healed from amazingly.  Surgery always knocks her out, but this time it did not. She bounced right back and is doing so well. But this week, we learned she needs to have radiation and chemo (we were originally told no chemo) and that scares me. She is so tiny and frail that I think chemo will wipe her out.  She is almost 84 so I hate to see her not enjoy what life she has left.  We meet with doctors over the next couple of weeks to decide what to do, and it scares me either way. I don't want her to not fight and to just give up, but I want her to be able to enjoy life too.  Another up and down. 

My children are all doing great.  Cortnie is finally over the morning sickness and the baby is growing well.  I worry that she is trying to do too much and needs relax more.  She is coming out next week for a baby shower then we will go to Orlando the week after to help her build a nursery and go to a shower there.  June can't come fast enough - I can hardly wait to hold that little one.  

Brittnie is working hard and keeps smiling.  She has decided to get licensed so spends most nights studying for her test.  I wish she would go out and meet people instead of sitting in her room every night.  She has been going to the temple more which is good to see and she is fun to work with in the nursery. 

Boyd is still struggling to find a job.  He will be 30 soon and is still at home and unemployed.  I wish he could find something to do, and like Brittnie, I wish he would go out more.  I just try to love him and have patience 

Skyler is trying hard to finish school and hopefully when he does he will find a job.  It has been a trial so support him too especially while Rob was not working, but we are managing.  Today he did not sound as chipper as he has been so I worry that he is slipping again  

If I had a magic wand, I would wave it in front of my children and give them friends, spouses, jobs, happiness, peace, funds to survive and so much more.  But, I don't have one, and I know this life is not meant to be easy.  It is easy to focus on the negative and forget to smile and be happy.  I just wish dreams could come true. I love having two of my kids close, but I wish they had better lives - another up and down. 

So, what do I do?  I am struggling with my gratitude journal but trying to remember.  I am listening to more conference talks and studying more scriptures. I am trying to put my family first no matter how tired I am and wish I could have more help or more free time.   And, I am trying to feel the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father as I know through them, anything is possible.  Smiles are much better than complaints, so no complaints, just smile - my new motto.   

Welcome 2026

 Another year has come and gone. It was a year of joy, fun, happiness, trails, challenges, and growth and I would have it no other way.  Don't get me wrong, I love the road that has no bumps or sharp turns, but when I do come across them, I am so glad that I do not have to travel it alone.  I have felt the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father a lot this past year, but how my heart yearns to feel them more.  I feel like I struggle to get answers to my prayers or to feel their arms around me, but at the strangest times, I feel such an outpouring of peace and love that I know it comes from them.  How so grateful I am for that!! 

2025 ended on such a high note.  I honestly think it turned out to be one of the best holiday seasons I have ever had.  The happiness; the joy; the love that I felt was amazing.  I did not want it to end.  I try so hard to remember the feelings that I had during that time everyday as I never want to forget how it was. 

Cortnie and Johnathan were here for Thanksgiving.  It was so awesome to have them in our home. I feel like we are finally connecting more with our son in law and that brings me such joy.  They were only here a few short days, but I will take whatever time I can get with them.  They also gave us an early Christmas present while they were here - they told us that we are going to be grandparents!  I had a feeling that Cortnie was pregnant but I kept that all to myself.  To say I am beyond excited is an understatement.  It does not seem real yet as we are not there to see her belly starting to swell nor hear the heartbeat, but when that little one is put into my arms - well, lets just say I cry about that already.  She is due in June. I already told Rob that there will be many more trips to Florida in our future.  

Rob kept us super busy between Thanksgiving and Christmas with his markets.  We were doing three markets a week which  meant late nights and long days.  Britt and I would work all day at our jobs then head to the markets to help with the cleanup. I prepared chilis, soups and crockpot meals so we could try to stay warm and have something good to eat. Boyd became Rob's elf loading and unloading the sleigh, selling to strangers and showing children how to make a fidget toy.  It was a blessing that he did not have a job as he honestly helped to keep Rob sane.  His markets did well, but now that they are over I worry about him with no job. He did have a second interview this week (at BYU actually) so we are keeping our fingers crossed.  It would only be 3/4 time so no benefits involved, but it would give him time to work on his side business and do markets.  I am hopeful something will come up soon for all of my boys. 

As I feared, Skyler did not last at his job.  He worked only three days and then did not go back.  In his defense though, they were working him twelve to thirteen hours a night instead of eight and he was not able to do his schooling. He really wants to finish up his trade school by this spring and there was no way he could do that working all night long.  So, for now, he is doing extra school work and possibly looking for a part time job. However, that  means we are still giving him money each month which adds extra stress.  

Brittnie has started her busy season at work.  She is such a dedicate employee that trying to get her to take a day or two off is like pulling teeth.  She works so hard and I so wish they valued her and paid her more.   I still wish that she could find someone to love and to have a place of her own.  She is such  a "good girl" and does everything right. It is hard to understand why my children are still single with no friends and that they are alone.  It breaks this momma's heart so much. I so wish we could have three weddings this year!!

Christmas was magical.  With the loss of a job, we went a little bit easier this year. Santa still did a great job though and everyone came away happy.  I got Rob a personalized license plate with his business name on it (GRLABOG) and he actually cried over that. I am still not sure what brought the tears but I did a good job I guess.  Skyler was here for Christmas and decided to stay an extra week. He was here for two weeks and it was the best ever.  I with Cort could have been here too, but it was just magical none-the-less and we spent lots of  time on the phone with her.  I was able to work from home most days and had time off for the holidays.  We played games, watched movies, went to the mall, ate a ton and just spent so much time together.  It has been a long time since I have seen Skyler so engaging and happy. To me, that was the best gift ever. I wish everyday could be Christmas or at least the season. 

As for me, I am excited for a new year.  I still have my worries and my frustrations, but I am trying so hard to be happier each day.  I still get to work in the temple (which some days I think maybe it is time to be done, but I love the spiritual boost I get from being there).  I have the best job and the best family.  If I could just make wishes come true for my children, then life would be perfect.  

I have heard so many people talk about reflection of last year and goals for this year, so I decided to actually write some goals down.  I really want to be a better me.  For this year, I want to improve my gospel study ( I now listen to general conference talks while I get ready), exercise at least three days a week, keep a daily gratitude journal, write more in this journal and be of better service to those around me, especially my family (and my aging parents).  I am hopeful to set some goals soon with Rob and as a family as well 

I want 2026 to be another great year!  I want to be healthy and happy, have dreams answered and get to hold that grandbaby!  I want to have the Savior by my side everyday and help those around me to feel of His love.  I want to be a better me and make my little part of the world a better place.  I want to say next year that 2026 was the best ever!

Life Has So Many Challenges

 Holy Cow! This year is flying by and life seems to never stop being busy.  I feel like I am going a hundred miles an hour all day long.  It is hard to believe that I already have a Christmas tree up in my living room and that Thanksgiving is this week. Where has this year gone?  

Our lives took a royal change of course in September. I started my new job at BYU and love it so much!  I get to start meetings with prayer, go to weekly devotionals, go on outings, have friends and feel wanted.  It is the best thing ever!  I am still trying to learn everything and am so excited for my area to get busy for the year and feel like I am helping others to come to Christ.  

I was at work one day, when Rob called.  He asked if I could talk to I went outside. He proceeded to tell me that his two coworkers had met with their supervisor that morning and were both laid off.  He also was asked to meet with him and received the same news.  It was a shock but yet, I had a feeling it might happen. His company had been downsizing but we thought his area was safe.  Apparently, it was not.  All the emotions hit me at once - mad, worried, stressed, sad, but also peace.  I asked to work from home the rest of the day so I could be with Rob.  When I got home, we held each other and cried. I assured Rob it was not his fault and it was nothing he had done wrong. We talked a long while and started to make new plans.  We had a Mediterranean cruise schedule two weeks later and decide we were still going. We could not get our money back at that point, and we needed to take a break to figure out life. 

The cruise was magical. Boyd and Brittnie went with us as well as three of my siblings and their spouses plus Rob's sister.  We had long flights, noisy nights, and lots and lots of walking, but it was so great. The  world is absolutely beautiful and we were able to enjoy places we have never seen before.   I am amazed at how others live and was so happy to enjoy it. It was fun to be with my two children and bond with them.  I really truly have the best family ever. 

We got back from the cruise and life was back to normal - somewhat.  Rob started the job hunt and I would go to work.. It was and is still hard some days and the worries are still there.  However, we try to remind ourselves that Heavenly Father knew and was preparing us.  I got a job that made a lot more money (not as much as we lost) but enough.  Rob had medical procedures scheduled that were able to be done one day before we lost his insurance. I was able to pick up all benefits from day one so we had no lapse in insurance coverage at all.   We also got a large severance pay that will hold us over for another month or so.  

Rob has spent hours applying for jobs, but with no luck at all.  He spends other hours (and I mean hours), working on 3D decorations and has gone to, or will go to, many farmers markets or shows to try to sell his stuff.  My basement is now Santa's workshop. He is doing okay, but definitely not anywhere near what he was making.  I am worried that he is  wearing out and will not enjoy the holidays. He has markets every weekend from now until Christmas and must make new stuff in between to have it to sell.  I try to have faith and not let him know that I am worried, but we both have our moments when the tears come and we hold each other to give each other strength.  We are learning a new level of trust, and I feel like we are both stronger for it as well as our marriage, 

A big concern is that Skyler has not had a job for about six months and we have been paying for all his stuff too.  However, he finally got a job and starts tomorrow. I worry that he will hate it (and he probably will, but hopefully he will be committed) as he will work graveyard shifts and 10 hour days. His job will relieve some of the burden from us.   Boyd is still looking so hopefully he  will get something soon.  

I am not sure what Rob will do. He would really like to just do his printing job. I worry as it is all self employment so there is no 401, no future benefits, taxes are high etc, but I kind of hope he does not get anything until January.  We are doing okay and can make it work.  We just might not be able to do all the extra things anymore. I so want to plan a trip. Rob turns 60 next year and I want to go somewhere, but we will have to see.  

For now, I just want to enjoy the holidays.  Cortnie and Johnathan will be here next week for Thanksgiving and Skyler will be here part of the time too. It will be the first time since the wedding we are all together.  I also just want to enjoy the season.  I am writing our sacrament meeting Christmas program again which is always a challenge. I also love the spirit of the season.  I want to remember our Savior and bring His love into our home.  Without Him, we would be nothing.  How grateful I am for Him and for His love.  I have felt the love and warmth of His arms so much the past couple of months and hope to continue to feel that peace.  

Another New Chapter

 I have been reading and hearing a lot from church leaders that it is important to keep a journal. When I was young, I never missed a day.  Now, it is good if I don't miss a year.  I need to do better, but life is busy and when I think about it I am so tired.  I need to make a new commitment and try to do better. 

However, I wanted to quickly write today about seeing God's hand in my life.  Work has not been easy the past 16 months with the migration to a new company, new supervisors, different views, different methods etc.  I have struggled but have continued to say how grateful I am just to have a job.  (I have two sons right now who do not and that is very hard - both financially as we are helping, and emotionally watching them go through it).  However, I have not been happy at my job for quite a while. I feel unappreciated, left out, lonely and the days are so long.  I had interviewed a couple of places but nothing came of it so I had kind of put it in the back of my mind. 

Then about a month ago, my dear friend from the temple texted me about a new job where she worked at BYU.  She said I should really apply and her boss was hoping I would. I had interviewed there before with no luck so was hesitate to do it again.  However, I thought why not.  I put in my application and was told I was one of the top candidates.  I had my first interview which I felt went very well. My friend, La, told me I did awesome (she was in the interview) and that I should be excited.  Two days later, I was invited back again for an interview with the dean and was one of two candidates that gets that interview.  I was so stressed.  I was not telling anyone about this but my immediate family and I was trying not to get my hopes up. Rob had given me blessings to rely on the Lord and to be calm.  I left the second interview almost in tears.  I had gotten so hot during the interview, I had to stop my conversation to regain composure. I was putting all my faith in the Lord and even fasted that day.  I did not feel good about it. However, Jennie, the supervisor of the position, walked me out and said they really liked me.  I was told if I was selected I would get an email requesting permission to do a background check. This email only goes to one of the two candidates.  I went home, hopeful, but again trying not to get too excited. 

The next day, I got an email while at work.  I immediately ran outside and called Rob.  I had the job!  I could not believe it.  I was so stocked and it was hard to go back inside and not say anything.  Then the next week, the dean was on vacation, so I had to wait almost ten days for an offer letter.  Jennie called me the Monday he was back and extended me an offer.  I had to ask her twice what she said. The amount they were giving me was higher than the job application had said the top pay would be.  I was going to be making almost 20% more than I was and the benefits were outstanding. How could I say no.  Rob totally agreed so an offer was signed.  

It was somewhat hard to tell my company that I was leaving.  I have a good team and they were the ones that were totally shocked. They could not believe it and kept asking me if I was sure.  The last day they made me feel like a queen with lunch, a plant and a road trip to Dairy Queen for milkshakes.  I did tear up when I left them.  I know they will do well, but they have been there for me over the transition. 

As I think about this, there is no doubt in my mind, that this is what I am supposed to do.  I did not seek this job, it was given to me.  I did not ask for a raise (I was willing to take less actually), but I got one.   I will have the best benefits in the state that include 47 days a year of PTO, sick and holidays.  I can go to classes and events for free.  I can work with a great friend and other faculty and be happy again.  I start tomorrow. I feel like a kid on Christmas Eve so excited to see what the next day has to offer.   I am beyond grateful to my Heavenly Father for this opportunity.  I know it was His hand that made this possible.  I will be forever grateful!  

One more benefit is they are still allowing me to take a 10 day vacation in just over a month. We have a Mediterranean Cruise planned with  two of my kids and many siblings.  They are even going to pay me while I am gone.  

Life is good. It still has it moments of struggles and hardships, but I now that if I rely on my Heavenly Father, He will guide me.  I love giving back to him in the temple every week as an ordinance worker. It is hard to believe I have been doing that for over four years.  My children are well.  Dreams are unfulfilled and as their mother I put a lot of that blame on myself.  I pray daily they will have answers, jobs, spouses, friends, testimonies, strength and happiness.  That is what this life is all about.  How grateful I am to have Rob as my mentor and companion to walk together to eternity with.  

Now, to try to get some sleep before the big day tomorrow.  I can hardly wait!

Wedding Day

 Well, if you look at the title of this post, you will see that is it something that I have not mentioned.  We actually had a wedding. So yes, I have missed a whole lot over the past year once again  I really should get better, but life passes by so quickly.  

Cortnie was asked to marry the love of her life in October of last year.  I will be honest, it was hard to get excited about her engagement. Jonathan is a great guy and I know he loves her, but he is not a member of the church and it was so hard to get to know him since the both live in Florida. They met five years ago while Cortnie was working for Disneyworld.  They started to date and soon fell in love. Cortnie left to go to graduate school three years ago in Boston, but there love survived a long distance relationship.  We have met Jonathan many times, but he was so quiet and we had a hard time getting to know him.  He seems super friendly, and we tried to so hard, but honestly it felt like he wanted nothing to do with us. I also knew that marrying him meant that I would not see my daughter very often and she would be like me - missing out on so many family things living so far away. 

However, my heart has changed. The day of their wedding was magical. I felt a deep peace and love for Jonathan like I have not felt before.  As they said their vows to each other, I knew in my heart that it was meant to be.  I know that Cortnie took the matter to prayer and found that our for herself too. They have talked about how they will have the church in their lives and for now, she will go by herself. He has said when they have children she can take them, and that he will support her.  I just pray that one day he will want to see what the church is all about and want to join them. I hope it is not the opposite where he pulls her away.  

Her wedding was magical.  The weather was absolute gorgeous, (the wedding was outside) and the day was so fun. I won't lie, it was stressful getting to that point, but we had eight months to get it ready. Rob had so many projects that he built for her; we hosted parties and dinners; we ordered donuts and cookies and bought so much soda; we laughed and cried; we got a little bit anxious when the wedding was supposed to start in 20 minutes and Cort and I were still needing our hair done.  But, it was all perfect.  Once the music started and I was escorted to my seat by my two sons, it was amazing.  I was so proud. I felt so pretty and so loved by so many people who came.  Watching her walk down the aisle with her father was so touching - but I did not cry.  I was just so proud of the beautiful woman that she was.  After the ceremony, we ate, laughed, danced, ate some more, talked with friends, ate even more and then kissed them goodbye. I honestly could not have asked for a more perfect day for my perfect daughter and her husband.  I was the happiest I have been in a long time. 

I still worry that I won't see them much; that I will lose the closeness I have with her; that the bound we have with Jonathan will wither away, but I am putting my faith and trust in them and in my Heavenly  Father.  I know this is right and I am so excited to see where their future holds them. 

As for the rest of the family, they endured the wedding. Her brothers both wore white shirts and ties (and yes, brown shoes), her dad put on a suit and her sister was her Maid of Honor.  They were there for her the day she needed them most.  However, now that life is back to normal, we have sons without jobs, a garden growing, hard times at work and other everyday adventures.

I worry about Skyler a lot as he was doing so well with his job, had enrolled in a trade school and he seemed so happy. Then one day they let him go.  Now he sits in his room alone all day long waiting for school to start in two weeks and applies for jobs everyday. He had four interviews but nothing came of them and nothing more has come up. We are paying his rent and truck which causes some pressure on us, but it is all good.  We will make it through. 

Boyd has decided to leave his job after this school year.  I worry that he will just sit around everyday, but he promised he will not.  He is trying to create a project that hopefully will get him some attention in the work force and will find another job.  Britt continues to work in benefits and seems to enjoy it. She misses Alaska and I miss it for her.  I try to do things with her but so wish she had a friend.  I wish so much more for all my kids. 

Rob is doing so much better health wise. He no longer has diabetes but continues to monitor what he eats. We still have our struggles, but I feel like we are getting better.  I so wish I could run away to Hawaii or a beach with him for just a few days, We do have a Mediterranean Cruise in the fall which I can hardly wait for, 

As for me, I try to be happy. Some days it is really hard with my job. I so wish I could work from home.  I love working in the temple still and love my little nursery friends I get to play with hand teach each week.  I am so grateful for all that I have and that life is good.