We did have such a wonderful vacation though so I hold onto those thoughts. To top it all off, our final day included a phone call from Cortnie while she was at the airport. We were up waiting for the call so we would not miss her. As soon as we answered, all we heard was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was just so glad to hear our voice. She had been having such a hard time in the MTC with not being able to talk to us. She has been away from home before, but called home every night. How it hurt to hear her cry. I wanted so bad to jump through the phone and hug her or to tell her just to come home, but I had to be strong. I had to try my hardest to boy her up and make her realize that this was her dream and she needed to live it. We talked about so many things and I wish I would have written them down. She told us of being terrified to go to Omaha - that she was going to freeze to death and that she would not know anyone there. She told us of being nervous to teach and testify what she knew to be true. She told us of missing our hugs and kisses and being so grateful for the daily letters that I sent her everyday. We let each of the kids talk to her too, and as each one got on the phone, she would cry again. It was the most touching when Britt got on the phone - and neither of them could talk through the tears. They are best friends and it is so hard for them to be apart. We had an hour with her which seemed to go by in ten minutes. We told her how proud we were of her and not to be afraid. All too soon, it was time for her to go. She began to sob and said she could not hang up the phone. I listened to her crying and tried so hard to comfort her. Then Rob said he would do it, and he pushed the disconnect button. She was gone again and then my tears came. I cried so hard once again. I did not know how I was going to do this for another seventeen months. Even now, the tears come easily so I try really hard not to think about it. I tell her good-night every night and blow her a kiss to her picture on the wall. I miss her so much.
Cortnie is now in Omaha and last week, seemed to make a breakthrough. Her emails were so happy and uplifting and full of miracles. She promised to write us more miracles since an hour does not give her much time to write. We try to be on the computer at the same time she is writing so that we can email her right back. It kind of is like talking to her so that helps. I know it really lifts her up too. However, when she says good-bye every week, I start to cry again. I am sure it will be that way until she comes home. It is just so hard and the ache in my heart always seems to be there. I know she is where she is suppose to be and I am proud of her for it. I just pray that she will be okay and her loneliness will ease up too. I did get a call from Sister Weston this week (missionary president wife) - it scared the dickens out of me. My first thought was that something was wrong. She assured me that it was not and that Cortnie was okay. She did say that Cortnie wanted to see a counselor and needed our permission to do so. She said she has some issues from back in junior high that have hit the surface and wants to talk to someone about them. I really hope it helps and that she will be okay. Deep down inside I feel like the cause of some of those issues and wonder what I could have done different. I have tried to be a good mother, but many times I put work or other issues in front of my children. I pray that this was not the case here - that I did everything I could to help out. How I wish I could talk to her on the phone!!The rest of the family are doing okay. We have done pretty good with avoiding the illness, but Boyd did miss a couple of days this last week. He spoke in church today and gave a wonderful talk. It is hard to believe in just over a year he will go on a mission too. We all stay busy with work and school and church. I graduated from nursery this year and moved up with my babies to sunbeams. The best part is, Rob is my helper. I love being in class with him. I am not sure how he feels about it yet, but I love having him there. He is so good with kids and it gives me time to spend with him. I am very hopeful that this week will be better. Rob will be gone for half of it to an airshow, so it will be just the kids and I. I am always so ready for him to come home. I miss him when he is gone. I want to spend more time with my family and try harder to make time for them. That is my number goal this year....we are so blessed and I pray that we will continue to be.
