What has happened part 2

It has been so long I am not even sure where to start.  I sit here in my parents basement wondering what we have done and long for that peace I felt last March.  Many times I wonder if we have done the right thing and if we will ever find friends or a house again.  I am so blessed to be close to my children though and to have them come over all the time, but I miss my friends and ward so much it hurts.  I miss having a place of my own and my own stuff.  I miss a bedroom that I can walk around in without bumping into Rob. I miss the warm weather and I miss my "church babies".  Tonight, I am feeling somewhat down and I find myself feeling that way more and more. I so long for that peace and assurance that we are where we are supposed to be.  There is no going back so I have to make the most of it. I try to be happy, to be patient, to smile and to be outgoing but it is hard.  Why do some dreams hurt?  Why do some plans seem so hard and so far away?  Why do we have to struggle and doubt and wonder?  I know it is for my growth, but I still can not help but wonder if this was really our plan.  I will keep praying for help and peace - and for a home!!

It has been almost 7 months since we left our home in Bullhead to start this new journey.  It was so hard at first.  After working day after day for years, it was so hard to sit and do nothing. I read books, I took naps, I applied for hundreds of jobs and I took care of my mom who entered the hospital five days after I got here.  I knew I was here when I needed to be. She was in a care center for a month and I was able to help take care of her and dad. The week after she came home, the job opportunities and interviews started to come.  It was so hard to go to interviews and fill out applications, to be turned down and to try again.  However, after two months we finally had some luck and landed jobs - not the best paying jobs but we had jobs.  We had no idea how we were going to be able to afford a house but it was a start. Houses here are about three times as much as our house there was.  Rob took a part time job at night working from home and soon found a computer tech jobs during the day. He did the both and still was not making even close to what he had there. I took  a job with a payroll management company after turning down two others. It just felt right. It was a small company and I was a person not a number.  I felt a part of the team and I was/am happy.  Since then I have been asked to move into the accounting department which came with a nice raise.  I have a good boss who understands family time and is very patient.  Rob has since been hired on at Oracle and doubled his salary.  It is actually more than he was making as  a teacher which is nice.  He still insists on doing the night job for a few more months.  We finally feel like we can afford to buy a house although the thought of how much it is going to be is killing us. We go out every Saturday looking and come home discouraged cause we can't afford or can't find.  I finally got a realtor on our side last week so hopefully we can find something now. Our list is not too long..close to work and the kids.  That is almost impossible but we are working on it. I want my kids to come over all the time and brighten my home.  Hopefully soon we can find or build our dream home.  One that will have the Spirit in it and will bring years of happiness to those involved.  I am very ready to get out of the basement - to have more freedom, to cook what I want, to eat when I want, to have my treadmill, to go on a diet (30 pounds back on since we moved), to have some privacy. My parents are great and I am very grateful.  They cook our meals and shop for food. We have been able to pay off some huge debts and hopefully will have the last one paid off before we move. 

The hardest part of being here is the ward.  It is so much different and we miss our close knit ward so badly.  We miss the babies we used to hold and the ones we used to play with in nursery.  We miss the friends who always came to our house for dinner and felt like a part of our family.  We miss the closeness there and the  feeling of being wanted and needed.  We do teach primary here now so that has helped. We love our kids and they make us feel welcome and needed.  It is just hard....it really is. 

In October of last year, we lost Rob's dad.  In fact, he passed away on Cortnie's birthday which was so hard for her as she was all alone anyone. She found out on social media before I had a chance to call her.  It was actually such a peaceful time. It is hard to watch mom suffer from missing him, but it is so nice to know he is happy again. He had not been out of bed for almost a year. He went peacefully too with no pain.  The funeral was a bonding time, a reunion, and a time for many tears.  Our kids had never lost anyone that they loved so it was all new to them. We explained to them the night before what would happen with the viewing and the funeral.  I won't forget them standing in front of the casket with tears streaming down their cheeks as they said good-bye. The hardest part for me is always when they close the casket.  Rob actually gave the family prayer and did a great job.  We cried as he and his siblings gathered around one more time before the lid was closed.  The funeral itself was full of laughter and tears.  Uncle Berl kept telling Cortnie to stop crying as he tried to talk. The grandkids were asked to sing Families Can Be Together Forever - at least try to sing. It went from child to child as they each sang then had to stop as they cried.  I think it affected Skyler the most. As he came off the stand, he basically fell into his father's arms and just cried - right there in the aisle.  It was very touching.  The boys were pale bearers and got to have the honor of carrying their grandfather to his resting place. Everyone gave Skyler and Spencer a bad time as they are smaller and told them they had to be in the middle so grandpa was not dropped on his head. The day was beautiful as we went to the cemetery.  Chad dedicated the grave then the pale bearers were asked to remove their roses and place them on the casket.   Mom then was given a white rose to place there.  I will never forget Rob walking up to the casket either and placing his hand on it.  He quietly said "bye dad".  We then all gathered around as his  family in a group hug.  He was a  great man.

About a month after the funeral we got a phone call from Skyler saying he could not do college anymore.  He had not been back since the funeral and was failing his classes. He asked if he could move here with us until he figured things out.  So we moved him here on December 15th - to our small basement that we call home.  He lost his scholarship and I think his pride.  I keep hoping he will find a job and do something but as of yet, he has not. I still have a strong feeling he is supposed to be here with us though if only to find the church again.  I am trying to be patient and to be loving.  I ask him every week to come to church but not yet.  He has done some things with kids from home who are going to school here and they are great kids.  We just keep praying for him to find his way.

That takes us to Christmas.  What a wonderful time!  Cortnie was able to come home for five days so Boyd and Brittnie moved in as well. We had air mattresses, sleeping bags, suitcases all in our little basement.  In the middle of it all, we had a Christmas tree. It was small and skinny but I was able to put out a few ornaments and try to make it Christmas. I missed spending hours decorating and bringing the spirit but we had something. All of my stuff stayed in boxes this year which was not fun.  We laughed, stayed up way late, ate lots of junk, wrapped presents, sang, went to movies....it was just great to be together.  I could have not had one present on Christmas and been just fine as I had my family.  Everyone seemed happy as we were able to give them some nice gifts (no house payment right now remember) and a big family gift - a Caribbean  cruise.  We used the vacation money I got when I left Smiths (five weeks worth) to buy a nice gift for them. We go the end of April and I wish it was tomorrow. I mean it did snow today about a foot so why not go where it is warm and sunny.  They all seem excited about it and I can't wait.  There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time with my family and I love vacations. 

So, where are we now? What has happened?  We are treading water hoping to stay afloat as we swim the tides that come our way.  We are trying to stay happy, positive, patient, humbled, and faithful.  I am just so glad that the ride I am on is with my best friend.  We have our moments of not being so patient or loving as we are in a small house and stressed, but we are in it together.  I know that our prayers will be answered as they should be and  our new journey will start.