Holidays are Here

It is my favorite time of year again and I LOVE it.  I love the joy, the peace, the songs, the smells, the happiness, the generosity, the kindness, the lessons, the decorations - I just love it all.  I wish it could be like this all year long.  It is too bad that only one month of the year people take time to truly act like Christ.  I am just as guilty at times. I try so hard all year long to show Christ like

love and to be of service to others.  However, there are times that I am praying the phone will not ring and that I can not have to worry about everyone else.  I was reminded today though that I am a betrayer to Christ if I act that way. I need to remember that all that I do I do for Him.  He has given me everything that I have so I can I deny him the help that He needs for his children.  It is not always easy and at times I wish that it would go away; but I will try so hard to change my thinking and my attitude. I  want to serve my family, my sisters, my community.  I want to give back and help others to feel of His love.  I need to do that all year long, not just at Christmas.

The holidays are truly wonderful for me though. I love to cook, to decorate; to celebrate. I love to shop and to give and to create surprised.  I love to be with my family and be there for them.  This year will find my family not complete once again.  I knew when Cortnie went on her mission that we would not all be together for the holidays again for four years.  We are on year three - so halfway through - and I still don't like it.  I know that my children are growing and they will not always be home for the holidays, but I miss them so. Cortnie was not able to come home for Thanksgiving this year as she choose to work instead sot hat she can have extra time off at Christmas.  In fact, we had no family here for  turkey day this year.  We invited a single sister that is Britt's age over though as Idaho was too far for her to go and at the last minute, we had James and Brenda with their girls over.  It was nice.  I enjoy cooking and baking so it is nice to cook for a crowd. We have had my sister here the past few years and I have to admit I really missed that this year.  I miss spending time with her.  I am so looking forward to the day when we can live closer to them and hopefully be able to be together all the time.  I miss my best friend. 

We were also missing Boyd this year.  I am okay as long as I don't think about it - but my heart hurts.  I think of him being alone with no family there and I know that it is twice as hard for him.  We are such a holiday oriented family.  I am grateful for the family that took him in for Thanksgiving and sent me wonderful pictures to enjoy. That was so awesome!!  I even got a text (from the member) that said "I love you mom and dad"....Elder Beatty.  He was right there and I could not even talk to him.  I am so looking forward to Christmas - for the presents and the laughter  - but so that I can actually talk to him and see his beautiful face.  I miss my boy so much.  He has really struggled the last couple of weeks to the point that I emailed his mission president's wife and explained that he needed to talk to president Wilson.  He is still have tons of problems with his companion and feels so bullied.  He needed to talk to him before transfers.  Well, transfers are this coming Tuesday.  He should have found out yesterday if a change was going to be made and I have been praying so hard that it will be.  He needs to feel loved and to feel like he has a purpose there.  He needs to be able to be a missionary and share his love of Christ with the people.  I am not sure he will last much longer if he is still with this comp.  He really wants to stay in his area though so hopefully he will stay and his comp will be reassigned.  We should find out tomorrow - if he gets pday that is.  I have no clue if we will hear from him or not. I sure hope so!!  I need to know how he is doing.  I miss him so much and am so proud of him.

Now we start a very busy month with lots of shopping and service.  Our star giving program is huge at church and it takes a lot of work.  I love the generosity of my ward family though and what they give to the children of our ward. We get to shop for them and take them gifts and take them food. What a true blessing that is and will be for so many.  We are truly blessed so I will help when and where I can. We are also sending gifts to a sister in Boyd's mission who has not much support or possessions. We will send her some stuff and hope that she will feel loved.  I wish I could help everyone but the money only goes so far.  I am excited to share the Christmas spirit with those around me and to help them feel of His love. 

So, as the holidays approach, I hope to make this season more of what Christ would have me do. I will try to remember each day to ask who that day I can help and what I can do for them.  I still have my own family to take care of and maybe they are the one I need to help that day.  I am way excited too to visit our families and take time off of work.  Tomorrow we go to the doctor with Skyler to see if he needs surgery so that scares me some too.  I hate to travel and I have such huge fears of something happening so am tempted to cancel.  Faith - I lack in that area sometimes and I need to rely on it more. I know that my Saviour and Heavenly Father will provide and take care of us.  I will share that spirit this season and try to bring the real reason for Christmas into my home. 

Tired Momma

As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday afternoon, the sun is shining but I can finally turn off my air conditioner. The weather is absolutely perfect!!  I so with it would stay like this for many more months - and not get cold.  I want to be out side right now - walking or running or just sitting.  I want to enjoy the little breeze and just relax.  Those are my plans for later today - to go for a nice walk and hopefully be with my family.

Work has been so crazy lately as well as our lives. I am so worn out and tired but somehow I find the strength each day to go on.  I know that it is my Heavenly Father giving me that strength.  I can do anything with his help.  We have had two people quit at work so guess who gets to work all the extra hours?  My days are long and so busy that it is hard to settle down when I come home at night.  I have not been running hardly at all so my body is putting weight back on and that has sent me into sadness. I worked so hard to get that weight off and now have to do it all over again. I am not up to where I used to be, but it is enough that I am not comfortable in my clothes and I don't feel as healthy. Tomorrow starts my new journey....I need to lose weight before the holidays.  I need to feel and look better.  I need to make and find time for myself but I feel so guilty when I do.  I feel like I am ignoring my kids when I do that and then I get videos from them saying that they felt alone in their own home. That totally breaks my heart.  it is precious time that I can never get back.  I hate that thought that my children have those types of memories.  If only I could do it all over again. 

We have been traveling a lot too on the weekends.  We went to Phoenix to the new temple open house - which was so awesome by the way. I love it that my kids like to be in the temple.  We went to Vegas for Kaylin's missionary farewell. We went to Vegas twice more to pick up and take back Cortnie after she came down for a visit for her birthday.  It was such a great weekend but it reminded me how much I miss her so much.  We will be going to Vegas twice more in the next two weeks and then maybe to Panaca for Thanksgiving.  I just am tired of traveling but so grateful for the memories that we are making.  I have a great family who puts up with so much from me.  I love them dearly.

I still miss Boyd each and every day.  I wish so bad I could just have a hug. How grateful I am when those arms are around me tight as I feel his hugs - just like he was here - even if it is only a dream.  I don't believe they are coincidence.  I believe they are truly tender mercies from my Heavenly Father.  I worry about him as he has some issues with his companion and pray that he can last long enough to see through him and become a true missionary.  I am so proud of him. 

I worry about all of my children. My prayers morning and night and en between are that they are healthy and strong and happy. I pray that they will be guided to know what to do with their lives and how to make the most of them. I pray they will have friends and that others will love them as I do. it breaks my heart to hear and see them just sitting at home with no one to do anything with.  I really wish I could have a second chance....maybe with grandkids if I ever get any.

Life is good...I get down quite a bit lately but try to hide it or ignore it.  I have too many other people to worry about that I need to put them first.  That is what Christ would do and that is what I want to do.  it makes me happy...tired but happy.