As I sit here this beautiful Sunday afternoon, I can not stop reflecting on all of the blessings that I have. It is Mother's Day and I am so grateful and proud to be a mother. I was blessed to be sent to a mother who has inspired me, served me, worried me, loves me, and has shown me how to be the mother that I am today. I also have a wonderful mother-in-law who raised the wonderful man that I chose to marry. One who loves me unconditionally and learned to much from her. It truly is a great time to be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a woman. I am proud of who I am.
We visited Rob's mom this morning in the care center and I love to watch the smile on her face as she slowly wakes up from her slumber to see her son standing next to her. Her whole room brightens up and she gets so happy. I never imagined that she would spend the last three years and most likely the rest of her life confined to a bed. She was so active and outgoing. I pictured going on trips with her, having her at graduations and weddings, and growing old with her grandchildren around her. It truly breaks my heart to see her that way, but how I love her! She has been such a good example to me and gave me my husband - my best friend. I just pray that soon she will be able to rejoin her husband in heaven and once again be able to run and laugh and serve they way she used to. I told Rob today, that I often think when birthdays or mothers days come that I wonder if there will be another one to spend with them. I hope she remembers how much we love her in the mind of hers that tends to wonder quite often.
My mother will be here shortly. I worry about her as well. She too has many health issues and can not do much. She has come a long way in the past year and has overcome so many challenges. It is great to see her doing things again, but I long to take her shopping or to a movie or to lunch. She does not get out much anymore and when she does is so worn out the next day. Like my mother-in-law, I thought that she would be able to be more involved and do so much more. It is so hard to watch them get older and realize that they will not be here forever. My heart breaks to think about that, but how grateful I am that I know we will be together forever. The times I am wishing we had now, we will get again. We will be able to do them all in heaven and without any pain or suffering. How I love my mother. She makes me laugh with her phone calls, and still worries about me and my children everyday. She truly is an example to me and I adore her strength. I pray that she too will be able to be happy and continue to do some of the things she loves.
My family is my pride and joy. I could not go today without saying how grateful I am for the man who made me a mother. He is my best friend. We are not perfect and I think often that there were many things that we could have done different in raising our kids - maybe if we did, they would have different lives today. However, we have done it together. We have stayed strong in the church. We have built a beautiful home and now get to live close to our family. We go on bike rides and plant gardens. My heart still adores him when he holds my hand and it flutters when he walks by. I love him more than I could ever say. I surprised him with a trip to Hawaii in March. It was one of the best things we have ever done. We had no plans so we just woke up and did whatever we felt like. It was so relaxing. We needed it after this past year. We had scares for him of kidney stones, a fall from his bike resulting in a broken collar bone (putting him in surgery was not fun - I hate when they wheel them away), and now his oxygen has been so low and his heart rate so high. I worry about him constantly and hope that he can overcome this latest scare. I want to share many more years with him. I want to travel, to laugh, to hold grandchildren, to love him. I pray for him everyday and I am sure he gets annoyed with me calling to check on him. But, I want him around on earth for many more years before we share eternity together.
My children continue to make me proud, worried, stressed, happy, sad, joyful, young and so much more. I love watching them grow, but I would not be truthful if I did not say that I wish so much more for them. I wish they had more friends, a better social life, better jobs, spouses, children and so forth. I try not to talk about it much as I know it hurts them as well. I just keep praying that their dreams will come true. I want to be here to support them and help them and I am slowly learning that I need to not interfere so much. I need them to live their lives and help when they ask. I am not good at that, but I am really trying. I really, really am.
Brittnie decided to go back to Alaska again this summer. She had fun there last year and made some pretty good money. At least this year she had a place to stay before she got on the plane and some of her friends from last year have come back as well. It is fun to listen to her laugh and share the good times. I hope they keep her as busy this year as they did last year as I know that days off are pretty boring and she has no care. We are going to do a quick trip up to see her in August. We feel like we need to go and want to see what she is doing. It will be two weeks before she comes home, but that is when things worked into the schedule. It will be a long summer until we see her, but I am grateful for technology that allows me to talk to her each day. She has grown so much, I hope she can maybe find a place of her own when she comes home as well as a good job. She deserves so much more.
Cortnie has completed her masters degree and will graduate this next Saturday. I am so proud of her! She gave up so much to go to school to obtain a degree because her Heavenly Father told her she needed too. She has inquired so much debt and has been away from the man she loves for the past two years She truly has sacrificed to obtain what she has. We will be flying to Boston to watch her graduate this week and then help her move back to Orlando. The original plan was to move back here when she was done and teach at BYU, but Jonathan has stolen her heart from us. I so wish that he would just ask her to marry him. That they can plan their future together and grow in love. I hate to have her so far away and I miss her dearly. I just hope that if there is a wedding that she will let me be the annoying mother and help her plan it. I want to be there when she picks out a dress, when she does pictures, when she gets her hair and nails done. I want to be involved so my heart is really hoping it will be here in Utah. If not, I do not think many of our family will go. I just pray that she will always remember that she is loved and we want her to come home as much as she can. I worry that will not be too often. But for now, we will glory in her graduation and be very proud parents when she walks across that state on Saturday.
Boyd is my kind hearted, mother hugging son and I worry about him a lot. He tends to suffer the most of my children from a little bit of depression. He tries so hard at everything he does, but nothing ever seems to go his way. He was so down a couple weeks ago after Brittnie left as he was "our only child that was not out having an adventure." He is still trying to work his way through animation school and wants to badly to get a job and be out on his own. He is putting his whole heart into it this semester so I pray that it will happen. I want him to have that adventure. To go explore the world and live his dreams. I hate the thought of him leaving home, but I want what is best for him. I pray that he will know he loved no matter what and that we are here for him. I will admit, I worry when we are gone and he is alone. I do not like him to feel so down. You've got this son! Dreams will come true.
Skyler is loving being on his own. He is trying to learn coding with an online schooling program. As with my other children, I worry about his as well. I worry that he is not going to finish the class and get a job before the funds are gone. I worry that he is not active in the church and that he is missing out on having that spiritual uplift each week. However, he has really grown since moving to Logan. He is still so full of love and humor. I am not allowed to talk to him everyday though and I will admit that as days go by without hearing from him, I miss him more. I hope that he will continue to grow. That he will know he is loved and we will do anything for him. He still knows how to make me smile and laugh when I am feeling down
Blessed? Yes, I am truly am. This blog is just about the family that makes me want to be a better person. However, I am blessed with a nice home, a great job, the gospel, my callings, my friends, health, energy, food, cars, spiritual guidance, a Savior, and so much more. Today, I am most blessed to hear the word "mother" and know that it pertains to me I only hope those who speak that word know that they are my pride and job. They are all that I ever wanted as a young girl. I bear that name proudly!
