Faith and More Faith

Faith...that is what we all need yet so many times it is hard to find.  I wake up every morning with the faith that my Heavenly Father will watch over and protect my family. I have faith that my job will always be there and we can put food on our table.  I have faith that Cortnie is safe and happy and doing well on her mission.  I have faith that when I upset someone in the ward because I can not give them all that they want, they will forgive and love me anyway.  Faith is so hard sometimes...yet it keeps me going.

These past few weeks have been a trial of my faith.  I guess I should have seen it coming as life seemed to be sailing so smoothly.  I should never think that all is well cause that is when the boat begins to work.  It is not terribly bad now, but enough to make me silently worry about how it will all work out.  Hopefully, faith and miracles will help us make it through. I  know without a shadow of a doubt if I continue to support my daughter on her mission, we will have what we need.  Sometimes I wonder how, but I need to have faith that it will get there.  We have been slammed with lots of bills lately - well, they have not actually come yet, but I know they are on their way. Cortnie and Brittnie both  had lots of medical tests done lately and it is costing a lot of money.  I am grateful for insurance but even that does not cover it all. Then, our air conditioner keeps going on the blitz, Brittnie's car got hit at work and we have to pay the deductible since it was a hit and run, and we are getting Rob's parents fifth wheel trailer that now we find out needs new tires, needs rails put in our truck for hitches and electric and it needs to be licensed.  All money - and lots of it.  In fact, we saw it coming so Rob and I cancelled our 25th anniversary trip to San Diego to be able to have the money that we need.  It was really hard and sad too cause that anniversary is supposed to be really special and we only went to a nice dinner. Granted, it was nice, but it was not "special".  Rob said it did not matter as we would have many more anniversaries, but not many more times to pick up our daughter from her mission in Nebraska. We are saving all we have for that trip in May.  I just need to have faith and not worry so much about where the money will come from.  It will be there and it will be okay - I just like to worry.

Cortnie is doing great!  She was finally transferred - after being there over half of her mission.  Yup...that is what I said.  She is over halfway done now and on the downhill slide. It is amazing to me to think of that.  Part of the time it seems like she just left but most of the time it feels like she has been gone forever.  I sure miss her.  She loves her new area and has lots of investigators. I would love to see her have a baptism after all her hard work. She is only about 8 miles from the last area.  That is okay though cause she still can have the same doctors and still gets to work at the trail center - her favorite place.  The best news though is that the migraines are almost completely gone. She went to a different doctor who sent her to a physical therapist. She told her they were not migraines but mechanical headaches.  She has her doing exercises each day and the migraines are less than one a day now.  AND, when she feels one coming on, she does the exercises and they go away. It took lots of doctors but it was all worth it.  I just hope that it stays the same and she can keep them gone.

As for Brittnie, I can worry about her too. She has been having issues with feeling week and light headed for quite a while now.  We got her a new doctor who has ran all kinds of blood work (and expensive tests too).  She had a final test this past week to test her thyroid.  Apparently it is pretty enlarged and has nodules on it.  Most likely, they will be removing the thyroid one way or another. We will have the final answer in a couple of days. However, I am sure that will mean going to more doctors in Vegas and more testing.  It is okay - as long as we find the answers and she is better. It could also explain why she is choking all the time too.  I am grateful for miracles of science.

I do not mean to complain. Things are good.  I feel like I spend so much time on RS stuff and am having a hard time finding a balance with that and my family.  It is hard.  I spend almost all day on Sunday doing RS stuff and then go back to work on Monday.  I miss my down time and so miss my treadmill. I have to find a balance - but sometime I really need some sleep too.  I pray every night to figure it out and to make it work.  Patience - somehow it will come.  We also have senior in high school now that takes lots of time and money.  It is hard to believe he will graduate this year.  Then it is off to a mission for him too.  My babies are all growing up.  My heart wishes so bad that Brittnie could find someone to love her and I could do a wedding.  It is hard for her to see her friends getting married and in my heart it is hard for me too.  I worry about her not having that opportunity but I can't seem to get her to do anything. She did over the summer but now everyone is gone again. 

Well, it is time for bed.  My hubby and boys have the next two weeks off of school so it  is like summer again - I work and they play.  We are going to panaca for the weekend but that is my only break.  I wish it were more, but again, my dream trip will be next year.  Somehow, I need to find more patience and faith  - somehow it will all work out.  Sometimes it is just hard.