As I sit here on this beautiful Sunday afternoon, the sun is shining but I can finally turn off my air conditioner. The weather is absolutely perfect!! I so with it would stay like this for many more months - and not get cold. I want to be out side right now - walking or running or just sitting. I want to enjoy the little breeze and just relax. Those are my plans for later today - to go for a nice walk and hopefully be with my family.
Work has been so crazy lately as well as our lives. I am so worn out and tired but somehow I find the strength each day to go on. I know that it is my Heavenly Father giving me that strength. I can do anything with his help. We have had two people quit at work so guess who gets to work all the extra hours? My days are long and so busy that it is hard to settle down when I come home at night. I have not been running hardly at all so my body is putting weight back on and that has sent me into sadness. I worked so hard to get that weight off and now have to do it all over again. I am not up to where I used to be, but it is enough that I am not comfortable in my clothes and I don't feel as healthy. Tomorrow starts my new journey....I need to lose weight before the holidays. I need to feel and look better. I need to make and find time for myself but I feel so guilty when I do. I feel like I am ignoring my kids when I do that and then I get videos from them saying that they felt alone in their own home. That totally breaks my heart. it is precious time that I can never get back. I hate that thought that my children have those types of memories. If only I could do it all over again.
We have been traveling a lot too on the weekends. We went to Phoenix to the new temple open house - which was so awesome by the way. I love it that my kids like to be in the temple. We went to Vegas for Kaylin's missionary farewell. We went to Vegas twice more to pick up and take back Cortnie after she came down for a visit for her birthday. It was such a great weekend but it reminded me how much I miss her so much. We will be going to Vegas twice more in the next two weeks and then maybe to Panaca for Thanksgiving. I just am tired of traveling but so grateful for the memories that we are making. I have a great family who puts up with so much from me. I love them dearly.
I still miss Boyd each and every day. I wish so bad I could just have a hug. How grateful I am when those arms are around me tight as I feel his hugs - just like he was here - even if it is only a dream. I don't believe they are coincidence. I believe they are truly tender mercies from my Heavenly Father. I worry about him as he has some issues with his companion and pray that he can last long enough to see through him and become a true missionary. I am so proud of him.
I worry about all of my children. My prayers morning and night and en between are that they are healthy and strong and happy. I pray that they will be guided to know what to do with their lives and how to make the most of them. I pray they will have friends and that others will love them as I do. it breaks my heart to hear and see them just sitting at home with no one to do anything with. I really wish I could have a second chance....maybe with grandkids if I ever get any.
Life is good...I get down quite a bit lately but try to hide it or ignore it. I have too many other people to worry about that I need to put them first. That is what Christ would do and that is what I want to do. it makes me happy...tired but happy.
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