This past month has been a whirlwind of more traveling and getting Boyd ready to go. I took 12 days off of work to go to Utah to be with my children. We took Skyler to EFY and it was so awesome for him. I have never seen him so touched by the spirit and so tender hearted. He cried so hard when we left and asked if he could go for two weeks next year. I will gladly pay that much money for my children to walk away with testimonies that are even more sound. My greatest goal in life is to see all of my children go to the temple and stay close to the church. He truly came back a different person and I pray he will hold onto it.
We also spent time getting Cortnie ready to go back to school and getting her settled in my parents basement. She has decided to live with them this year. I finally had to put a limit on what she was spending as it was getting a little overboard. I hated to do it, but with me not working much this summer, the checkbook is a little bit short. Her room is done now though and is really cute. She has found a new job that she will start next week so I will be taking her back to Utah this weekend. Two children in less than a week to say good-bye too. I dont' like that at all.
However, my heart is dwelling on Boyd tonight. I do pretty good for a while but then suddenly the tears start to come. I dont' feel like eating and just seem to be wandering around today. I feel kind of lost. These past few weeks I have wondered how Boyd truly was and prayed so hard that he would be ready to go. Boyd carries the same tender heart that I do and worries the same as me. We are/were truly close. As we went to shop for his clothes, he did not seem excited at all. In fact, he did not want to go. He wanted me to do it all for him. Well, I could not do that as he needed to be measured for his suits and pants as well as shoes. We were able to get it all done in one day though (the major stuff anyway) and it cost a pretty penny. I am so glad we started savings accounts for them a few years ago. The money went far enough to get everything that he needed - but a bike.
Boyd had taken on new role the past few weeks. He was so kind and loving and helpful around the house. He told me one night, he was cleaning the bathrooms cause I had been doing so much and he knew I needed help. It brought tears to my eyes. I was so worried about him going on his mission though. He just never did seem excited. I would try to talk to him about it and he said he was fine. He kept telling me he wanted to go and that he was not going to cry. Well, we know much better now.
It all started with his "farewell" at church. Rob and I both spoke and then it was his turn. I did pretty good with my talk and only broke down one time. That was at the end when I read his scripture, Joshua 1:9 that talks about that we are never left alone. Boyd has always had a hard time making friends and has been bullied. He told me his biggest fear was to get out on his mission and be a loner. I have prayed so hard that others will love him as I do. Boyd's talk was so sweet. I wish I could have recorded it. It was all about his scripture and that he knew Heavenly Father would be with him. He used quite a few tissues that day. I finally was seeing the side of Boyd that was scared about his mission and that he was not all wonderful about going. It made me worry even more.
The next two weeks went by way to quickly and that brings us to this week. I took the two days off before he left so that I could be home with him. We packed, finished shopping, played games, went to dinner - I wish we would have done so much more. I just wanted to spend all my time with him. Monday night he came into our room and sat on my bed with me. He started to cry. He told me he had cried himself to sleep the night before as he was scared to go. He was afraid to leave us and not be able to talk to us. That is my biggest challenge too. We talked for over an hour and tried to calm him down. I told him that we would be just fine and that I would always be in his heart. I would be only a prayer away. I promised to write tons of letters and send pictures. How I wish I could actually talk to him. Christmas is way too far away for that. he felt somewhat better and was able to sleep that night.
The day before he left (yesterday), I let him sleep until almost 11:00. I knew he would not be doing that again for two years. That worries me too as Boyd needs his sleep. We stayed together again that day and he gave me probably 20 hugs. He would gett teary eyed and the tears would silently roll down his cheeks. it was finally time to for him to be set apart so he put on his new wardrobe for the next two years also. As we went to leave, he quietly walked back to his bedroom. He stood at the door and looked inside and started to cry. I put my arms around him and led him to the car. He met with President Miller first and told him his biggest fears. President Miller told him that he just needed to close his eyes and jump. That it would be okay. His blessing as he ordained him was so great. I wish I had a copy. He promised Boyd that he would learn the language, that he would be a fine a missionary, that there were particular people in Virginia that were waiting for only him to teach them the gospel. He told him his family would be okay and he would be protected. Boyd was so grateful when he was done. He said he told him just what he needed to hear. We then said family prayer in our little circle and it was time to say good-bye. I think the kids were trying to be brave and strong for him as they did not cry - well, Cortnie did. She told him it really was the best two years of his life. It was then time to head to Las Vegas.
Boyd had to be at the airport at 4:00 this morning so we slept in a condo over night. He talked nonstop the whole way there - out of nerves I think. As we got to the condo, we dressed for bed and then the tears started again. My grown boy looked like he was three again. His face was so sad and so scared. Rob gave him a father's blessing and we did record that one. He told his son that it was his time to go and serve. He told him we would miss him so much and were so proud of him. We then headed to bed - but not to sleep. Boyd curled up on my shoulder just like Cortnie did the night before she left. He started to cry - really hard - I mean he was sobbing and shaking. He told me how scared he was about not making friends, about leaving us, and missing us, and so much more. I just gently held him stroked his head. I tried my best to calm his fears and to talk to him. Every so often, I would cry with him. He lay there for over an hour. Finally, exhausted, he fell asleep but I know he did not sleep well. He kept whining in his sleep too. All too soon, it was time to get him up - and I was afraid he would not do it. He just laid there and I could tell he did not want to go. A leap of faith though - he finally arose.
After showering and eating, we said another prayer. Rob blessed us all to be safe and to be calm. He pleaded with our Heavenly Father to watch over his son and take care of him. We told him we loved him and were so proud of him. It took us awhile to get to the right gate at the airport to check him in, but finally we were there. We asked for a security pass so that we could go back to the plane with him, but they only gave us one. Rob said there was not question as to whom should go. As we got to the security gate, it was time for father and son to say good-bye. They both held each other for a long time and wept on shoulders. Rob watched us as far as he could see us and Boyd turned to wave. I learned later that Rob said he went to a quiet area and cried for his son. We managed to get to the gate but with only about 10 minutes to spare. Boyd anxiously looked around for other missionaries and I prayed so hard to see one. No one came though - that meant he was alone on the first leg of his flight. We sat in the chairs and talked about what he needed to do and held hands. Silent tears were there as he laid his head on my shoulder. They called for his boarding group but he stayed put. They called the next one and when they were almost through, he let out a big breath and stood up. He pulled me into his arms and gave me the last hug I would get for two years. We both said we loved each other and would miss each other. He then stood tall and walked straight ahead. As he got through the gate, he turned to give me a big smile and waved good-bye. My heart melted and left right then. I waited for his plane to pull away and then found the loving arms of my husband. We cried together and talked about how much we would miss him. Our world will not be the same until he is back in our arms.
We were lucky enough to get a short email from Boyd this afternoon letting us know that he had arrived safely. He told us his Pday would be on Tuesday and he would write more than but he had only five minutes to tell us he was there. He said he loved us and missed us and then was gone. My son...the missionary.....so proud of him but my heart is so empty. I love you son....serve well.
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