Can you believe it is Christmas Day again already? It does not even seem possible that the presents are all opened and the house mostly cleaned up. Christmas came and went so quickly this year - except for one part. I am patiently waiting for Cortnie to call. I will say that I am very anxious as I keep wandering around the house. I am trying to pack up some things for our trip, but don't want to go too far away from the computer. What if I miss the Skype call? I will not miss her again this Christmas. She told us she would call about an hour ago but nothing yet. Everyone keeps checking the computer to see if she is on so I know that it is not just me. I can hardly wait - but at the same time, I am sad. I have not seen her pretty face since Mother's Day and my heart is at peace. I am worried that seeing her will open up the wound again and make it hard to move forward. Her mission president even said he does not like Christmas cause all the missionaries get "trunky" after their phone calls and have a hard time getting back into the work. I ....WAIT, there she is!
Wow, she looks so good! She was so happy and laughed and yes, she cried. It was so wonderful to see her face and actually see her as a real person instead of just someone in my mind. She said that she missed our hugs - if she only knew how much I miss those too. I don't think I will stop hugging her when it comes time to pick her up. She told us all about her Christmas - the sleepover at the trail center, the opening of gifts, the candy that we sent and she did not get much of, the breakfast casserole, the telling of traditions and other sisters wondering why she does all of that. I just wanted to soak it all in and not forget about it. We opened our presents while she was online and it was wonderful. Boyd got an Elder Beatty apron, Britt got Cortnies' missionary ring, Skyler got a shirt, dad got a DVD and I got the most beautiful Christmas hymn book. And then there were the letters that she wrote to each one of us. We read those when she was gone and I cried some more. That hour went by way to fast. As it got to be close to the time for her to leave, the tears started to fall down her face. That started my waterfall too. She did not want to hang up and said she could not do it. We blew kisses and told her Ohana and then she was gone. I found comfort in Rob's arms but it still hurts so bad. I MISS HER! I pray that the next five months go by just as fast so soon I can have her in my arms again....until she falls asleep. Please, keep her safe Heavenly Father - she is my baby girl.
Now to snap out of this for the rest of my children. We need to have a fun day. I need to quickly pack for our trip to Utah and then it is games and movies. We all had a wonderful morning. I woke up to my children laughing as they were pushing each other off the beds and waiting to wake us up. They even gave us an extra half an hour this year. They all got what they wanted - well, except for Brittnie cause she never tells you what she wants so you just get her whatever. I love watching them get excited and happy. I love Christmas.
I am so thankful for our Heavenly Father's son and His love. Without him, we would not have today. I pray that we can enjoy the next week and our families. Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
We Made It.....so far
Wow, if you look at the last time I wrote you can tell I have been one busy little girl. In fact, I hardly have time to breathe it seems like. I work all day then come home to work all night - whether it be church or family. My entire Sundays are spent doing church stuff but service is always a good thing. I just feel like I am letting my family down and they need to be first. This month is really bad as I have the needy families to buy for, the ward Christmas party, activities at work and my family. There is only three weeks until Christmas and I am so not ready. Usually by now, I am done.
However, I needed to stop for a moment tonight and express my thanks for all that I have. One year ago today I left my baby girl as she walked up the sidewalk of the MTC to begin her service to our Heavenly Father. That was one of the hardest days of my entire life. I cried so hard that night and today have shed a tear of two. I still miss her like crazy but my heart is at peace. I know that she is happy and she is taken care of. I know that she loves her mission and her only desire is to become more like Christ and bring others to him. A year ago, I was not sure she would make it. She was so homesick and lonely. It was so hard to try to encourage her every week when inside I was so torn apart. I wanted to just tell her to come home but I knew that I could not do that. Now, I want her to stay and be the best missionary she can be. Don't get me wrong, I am counting the months until she comes home but I do not want either of us to dwell on that. I am so proud of her. She finally had her first baptism a couple of weeks ago and to see the glow in her face was so worth it. I want more of that for her. We are being blessed greatly here as she serves. Our money woes seem to be disappearing. WE still have no air conditioner or heater, but the medical bills are all wiped clean. We went from having to pay almost $1200 down to $72. I can not explain it other than that my Heavenly Father is answering my prayers. I just pray that He will continue too.
I remember so well holding Cortnie in my arms as she cried that last night we were together. I tried to be so strong for her, but the tears silently rolled down my cheeks too. I held her so tight and did not want to let go. The next morning the house was so quiet as we all got ready to go knowing what lie ahead of us. It was oh so hard and my heart still aches...it will until I get to hold her in my arms again. She is a trainer again and is even learning some Portuguese. She is so happy and even her migraines have gone away. Miracles and blessings.....
This past week was Thanksgiving and we had my family here - Tina's family and my parents. My parents have not been here for a few years. It was so awesome. My tiny house was crowded but we had a great time. I love playing host and cooking for everyone. I loved running a 5K with my father and Tina. I love shopping with my sister. I love my little Taysha to come running into my arms and give me the biggest squeeze. She truly knows her favorite aunt. I just loved it all. I have so much to be thankful for that I could not even begin to put it on paper. I know where it all comes from and I try to thank Him everyday. Hopefully we will continue to smooth sail along and blessings will continue to come.
We found out Brittnie is doing okay. We switched her doctor and he does not want to do any meds or anything right now. He just wants to watch it and see if it changes in four months. After going through many tests we do know she has thyroid nodules but they seem to be okay. They are not growing and her activity level seems to be calming down. I pray that it will continue that way. The boys are growing like weeds. Skyler does nothing but sit in front of a computer. I tell myself every night that I am going to play with him or read with him and then something comes up. I have to change or he will never have a life. Boyd is able to start his mission papers now but is very hesitate. I am not sure if he does not feel worthy or if he is just scared. He told me he does not want to leave all of us but that he wants to go. I pray every night that he will have the courage needed and take that giant leap of faith.
Life is good. I have a great husband and wonderful kids. I still feel bad we cancelled our 25th anniversary trip - we will never have another 25th anniversary. We just felt like we would need the money for medical bills. Little did we know. I just hope he knows how much I love him and treasure him in my life. I am not complete without him. This is the best time of the year - from being thankful to giving service. How I love the holidays - and my countdown is begun too cause in 19 days I get to talk to my daughter!!
However, I needed to stop for a moment tonight and express my thanks for all that I have. One year ago today I left my baby girl as she walked up the sidewalk of the MTC to begin her service to our Heavenly Father. That was one of the hardest days of my entire life. I cried so hard that night and today have shed a tear of two. I still miss her like crazy but my heart is at peace. I know that she is happy and she is taken care of. I know that she loves her mission and her only desire is to become more like Christ and bring others to him. A year ago, I was not sure she would make it. She was so homesick and lonely. It was so hard to try to encourage her every week when inside I was so torn apart. I wanted to just tell her to come home but I knew that I could not do that. Now, I want her to stay and be the best missionary she can be. Don't get me wrong, I am counting the months until she comes home but I do not want either of us to dwell on that. I am so proud of her. She finally had her first baptism a couple of weeks ago and to see the glow in her face was so worth it. I want more of that for her. We are being blessed greatly here as she serves. Our money woes seem to be disappearing. WE still have no air conditioner or heater, but the medical bills are all wiped clean. We went from having to pay almost $1200 down to $72. I can not explain it other than that my Heavenly Father is answering my prayers. I just pray that He will continue too.
I remember so well holding Cortnie in my arms as she cried that last night we were together. I tried to be so strong for her, but the tears silently rolled down my cheeks too. I held her so tight and did not want to let go. The next morning the house was so quiet as we all got ready to go knowing what lie ahead of us. It was oh so hard and my heart still aches...it will until I get to hold her in my arms again. She is a trainer again and is even learning some Portuguese. She is so happy and even her migraines have gone away. Miracles and blessings.....
This past week was Thanksgiving and we had my family here - Tina's family and my parents. My parents have not been here for a few years. It was so awesome. My tiny house was crowded but we had a great time. I love playing host and cooking for everyone. I loved running a 5K with my father and Tina. I love shopping with my sister. I love my little Taysha to come running into my arms and give me the biggest squeeze. She truly knows her favorite aunt. I just loved it all. I have so much to be thankful for that I could not even begin to put it on paper. I know where it all comes from and I try to thank Him everyday. Hopefully we will continue to smooth sail along and blessings will continue to come.
We found out Brittnie is doing okay. We switched her doctor and he does not want to do any meds or anything right now. He just wants to watch it and see if it changes in four months. After going through many tests we do know she has thyroid nodules but they seem to be okay. They are not growing and her activity level seems to be calming down. I pray that it will continue that way. The boys are growing like weeds. Skyler does nothing but sit in front of a computer. I tell myself every night that I am going to play with him or read with him and then something comes up. I have to change or he will never have a life. Boyd is able to start his mission papers now but is very hesitate. I am not sure if he does not feel worthy or if he is just scared. He told me he does not want to leave all of us but that he wants to go. I pray every night that he will have the courage needed and take that giant leap of faith.
Life is good. I have a great husband and wonderful kids. I still feel bad we cancelled our 25th anniversary trip - we will never have another 25th anniversary. We just felt like we would need the money for medical bills. Little did we know. I just hope he knows how much I love him and treasure him in my life. I am not complete without him. This is the best time of the year - from being thankful to giving service. How I love the holidays - and my countdown is begun too cause in 19 days I get to talk to my daughter!!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
More Trials....I Hope They Make me Grow
Trials....they are supposed to be good for us right? Sometimes it is hard to see the rainbow through the clouds (as my missionary daughter puts it), but we need to have faith it is still there. I wonder how things work they way they do and I pray that I can have the faith to endure. This weekend was General Conference and there were lots of talks about enduring. I also heard quite a bit that sometimes we wonder why we have the callings that we do, but our Heavenly Father knows why and he has faith in us. Somehow, I need to develop that more.
Panaca was a nice little break but it was a lot of hard work. We went to help Rob's parents and they had a list for us. Brittnie and I made jam, cleaned the whole house and cooked most all the meals. We also spent almost 8 hours helping Rob and the boys with yardwork. We cut trees, bushes, pulled weeds, cleaned sheds...and so much more. My back hurt so bad while I was working but I refused to stop. Service is good and I knew it would be okay when we were done. I was so proud of my children. They did not complain very much and we had a fun time doing it. It is nice to help parents as they took care of us all these years. Fall break has been nice for the rest of the family as they have truly had a break - but I have worked clear through it and am pretty tired.
The money issues continue to pour it. Our air conditioner decided to bite the dust this past week too. I am so grateful that it is cooler outside now and then we can open the windows and not be too hot. However, I am not sure where we are going to come up with $4600 for a new one before it gets hot again. I am calm about it and know that it will work out somehow. I am not touching my missionary trip money thought - that is off limits. It is funny, when I did our checkbook this week, we seemed to have way more money in there than I thought we should have. I tripled checked it though and am pretty sure it is right, but still it is hard to have the faith that it is there cause of Cortnie. I am grateful - and will not complain.
A couple of weeks ago, I had the most beautiful dream. I was somewhere singing in a choir. I knew that Cortnie was also singing in that choir and I could see her behind me. I also knew she was still on her mission. After we were done singing, I could see the missionaries walking away and I was sad that I could not talk to my daughter. However, I noticed her running towards me and when she reached me she gave me this huge hug. She did not say anything, but turned around and ran back to the missionaries. I woke up then and was so grateful that she had come to see me. It felt so real!! However, I learned later on that day, that my Heavenly Father must have sent that dream to me to let me know that she was okay and would be. He allowed me to have the special moment with her before the trial started.
As always, we email back ad forth. I waited anxiously at work for her email to come and then it was there. As I always do, I told her that I loved her and asked how she was. The reply I got was "not good mom." She never calls me mom in my emails and she always plays up the truth so I wont' worry. However, her morning was horrible, she was hurt and she was mad. Apparently she had been sick with the stomach flu over the weekend and could not go to church or work. President Weston called her the next morning and said he was doing an emergency transfer and she was being taken out of her new area that she loved (and the older couple she lived with ) and was going to the trail center full time. She said her new apartment was the worse and it smelled like pot and drugs. She said she was not going to be a missionary as she was being banished to the basement to take care of a sick sister and could not do anything at all. I tried to comfort her - to tell her Heavenly Father had a plan for her and it would all work out. She emailed me back and forth for almost three hours that day. She was so hurt and I could not ever comfort her. On my break, I called Rob and cried my eyes out. He said he had only gotten one email from her and the rest would not work (miracle that mine worked - I think not). I then called my parents and cried to them too. I felt so bad and could do nothing. I could not even talk to her. I did the only thing I could think of and that was called Sister Weston. I explained to her how Cortnie felt and asked her to call her. She said Cortnie could still do tours and was not banished to the basement. They put her with Sister Peterson so she could teach her and help her through her health issues. That night I sent her flowers and wrote a huge letter. As I walked in the door after work, I fell into Rob's arms and just sobbed. I also cried myself to sleep that night.
I am grateful to say that now things are okay. Cortnie had a change of heart when she got lots of letters from home and a vase full of love. She also came to love Sister Peterson. It was a huge obstacle and she overcame. However, I got a phone call from Sister Peterson this week saying she was going home and Cortnie was getting yet another new companion. Poor girl - Cortnie has grown to love her so much. Another challenge so I am anxious to hear about it on email day.
I am also still waiting for Brittnie's results. She has a biopsy of her thyroid this week as the uptake scan came back showing lots of spots. We are hopeful they are all just good spots and she just takes medicines. If not, she will have it removed. The bad part is, we will have to go to Phoenix or Flagstaff for her doctor appointments. We thought we had to go there for this biopsy, but they can do it here. I am praying for the best - I don't want to send Cortnie more bad news.
Trials - they are not easy but I try to look for the rainbows in them. It is not a clear picture all the time, but it ends okay if I have faith. I pray for that everyday. I want to be happy and I want the best for my family. Hopefully, that will happen,.
Panaca was a nice little break but it was a lot of hard work. We went to help Rob's parents and they had a list for us. Brittnie and I made jam, cleaned the whole house and cooked most all the meals. We also spent almost 8 hours helping Rob and the boys with yardwork. We cut trees, bushes, pulled weeds, cleaned sheds...and so much more. My back hurt so bad while I was working but I refused to stop. Service is good and I knew it would be okay when we were done. I was so proud of my children. They did not complain very much and we had a fun time doing it. It is nice to help parents as they took care of us all these years. Fall break has been nice for the rest of the family as they have truly had a break - but I have worked clear through it and am pretty tired.
The money issues continue to pour it. Our air conditioner decided to bite the dust this past week too. I am so grateful that it is cooler outside now and then we can open the windows and not be too hot. However, I am not sure where we are going to come up with $4600 for a new one before it gets hot again. I am calm about it and know that it will work out somehow. I am not touching my missionary trip money thought - that is off limits. It is funny, when I did our checkbook this week, we seemed to have way more money in there than I thought we should have. I tripled checked it though and am pretty sure it is right, but still it is hard to have the faith that it is there cause of Cortnie. I am grateful - and will not complain.
A couple of weeks ago, I had the most beautiful dream. I was somewhere singing in a choir. I knew that Cortnie was also singing in that choir and I could see her behind me. I also knew she was still on her mission. After we were done singing, I could see the missionaries walking away and I was sad that I could not talk to my daughter. However, I noticed her running towards me and when she reached me she gave me this huge hug. She did not say anything, but turned around and ran back to the missionaries. I woke up then and was so grateful that she had come to see me. It felt so real!! However, I learned later on that day, that my Heavenly Father must have sent that dream to me to let me know that she was okay and would be. He allowed me to have the special moment with her before the trial started.
As always, we email back ad forth. I waited anxiously at work for her email to come and then it was there. As I always do, I told her that I loved her and asked how she was. The reply I got was "not good mom." She never calls me mom in my emails and she always plays up the truth so I wont' worry. However, her morning was horrible, she was hurt and she was mad. Apparently she had been sick with the stomach flu over the weekend and could not go to church or work. President Weston called her the next morning and said he was doing an emergency transfer and she was being taken out of her new area that she loved (and the older couple she lived with ) and was going to the trail center full time. She said her new apartment was the worse and it smelled like pot and drugs. She said she was not going to be a missionary as she was being banished to the basement to take care of a sick sister and could not do anything at all. I tried to comfort her - to tell her Heavenly Father had a plan for her and it would all work out. She emailed me back and forth for almost three hours that day. She was so hurt and I could not ever comfort her. On my break, I called Rob and cried my eyes out. He said he had only gotten one email from her and the rest would not work (miracle that mine worked - I think not). I then called my parents and cried to them too. I felt so bad and could do nothing. I could not even talk to her. I did the only thing I could think of and that was called Sister Weston. I explained to her how Cortnie felt and asked her to call her. She said Cortnie could still do tours and was not banished to the basement. They put her with Sister Peterson so she could teach her and help her through her health issues. That night I sent her flowers and wrote a huge letter. As I walked in the door after work, I fell into Rob's arms and just sobbed. I also cried myself to sleep that night.
I am grateful to say that now things are okay. Cortnie had a change of heart when she got lots of letters from home and a vase full of love. She also came to love Sister Peterson. It was a huge obstacle and she overcame. However, I got a phone call from Sister Peterson this week saying she was going home and Cortnie was getting yet another new companion. Poor girl - Cortnie has grown to love her so much. Another challenge so I am anxious to hear about it on email day.
I am also still waiting for Brittnie's results. She has a biopsy of her thyroid this week as the uptake scan came back showing lots of spots. We are hopeful they are all just good spots and she just takes medicines. If not, she will have it removed. The bad part is, we will have to go to Phoenix or Flagstaff for her doctor appointments. We thought we had to go there for this biopsy, but they can do it here. I am praying for the best - I don't want to send Cortnie more bad news.
Trials - they are not easy but I try to look for the rainbows in them. It is not a clear picture all the time, but it ends okay if I have faith. I pray for that everyday. I want to be happy and I want the best for my family. Hopefully, that will happen,.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Faith and More Faith
Faith...that is what we all need yet so many times it is hard to find. I wake up every morning with the faith that my Heavenly Father will watch over and protect my family. I have faith that my job will always be there and we can put food on our table. I have faith that Cortnie is safe and happy and doing well on her mission. I have faith that when I upset someone in the ward because I can not give them all that they want, they will forgive and love me anyway. Faith is so hard sometimes...yet it keeps me going.
These past few weeks have been a trial of my faith. I guess I should have seen it coming as life seemed to be sailing so smoothly. I should never think that all is well cause that is when the boat begins to work. It is not terribly bad now, but enough to make me silently worry about how it will all work out. Hopefully, faith and miracles will help us make it through. I know without a shadow of a doubt if I continue to support my daughter on her mission, we will have what we need. Sometimes I wonder how, but I need to have faith that it will get there. We have been slammed with lots of bills lately - well, they have not actually come yet, but I know they are on their way. Cortnie and Brittnie both had lots of medical tests done lately and it is costing a lot of money. I am grateful for insurance but even that does not cover it all. Then, our air conditioner keeps going on the blitz, Brittnie's car got hit at work and we have to pay the deductible since it was a hit and run, and we are getting Rob's parents fifth wheel trailer that now we find out needs new tires, needs rails put in our truck for hitches and electric and it needs to be licensed. All money - and lots of it. In fact, we saw it coming so Rob and I cancelled our 25th anniversary trip to San Diego to be able to have the money that we need. It was really hard and sad too cause that anniversary is supposed to be really special and we only went to a nice dinner. Granted, it was nice, but it was not "special". Rob said it did not matter as we would have many more anniversaries, but not many more times to pick up our daughter from her mission in Nebraska. We are saving all we have for that trip in May. I just need to have faith and not worry so much about where the money will come from. It will be there and it will be okay - I just like to worry.
Cortnie is doing great! She was finally transferred - after being there over half of her mission. Yup...that is what I said. She is over halfway done now and on the downhill slide. It is amazing to me to think of that. Part of the time it seems like she just left but most of the time it feels like she has been gone forever. I sure miss her. She loves her new area and has lots of investigators. I would love to see her have a baptism after all her hard work. She is only about 8 miles from the last area. That is okay though cause she still can have the same doctors and still gets to work at the trail center - her favorite place. The best news though is that the migraines are almost completely gone. She went to a different doctor who sent her to a physical therapist. She told her they were not migraines but mechanical headaches. She has her doing exercises each day and the migraines are less than one a day now. AND, when she feels one coming on, she does the exercises and they go away. It took lots of doctors but it was all worth it. I just hope that it stays the same and she can keep them gone.
As for Brittnie, I can worry about her too. She has been having issues with feeling week and light headed for quite a while now. We got her a new doctor who has ran all kinds of blood work (and expensive tests too). She had a final test this past week to test her thyroid. Apparently it is pretty enlarged and has nodules on it. Most likely, they will be removing the thyroid one way or another. We will have the final answer in a couple of days. However, I am sure that will mean going to more doctors in Vegas and more testing. It is okay - as long as we find the answers and she is better. It could also explain why she is choking all the time too. I am grateful for miracles of science.
I do not mean to complain. Things are good. I feel like I spend so much time on RS stuff and am having a hard time finding a balance with that and my family. It is hard. I spend almost all day on Sunday doing RS stuff and then go back to work on Monday. I miss my down time and so miss my treadmill. I have to find a balance - but sometime I really need some sleep too. I pray every night to figure it out and to make it work. Patience - somehow it will come. We also have senior in high school now that takes lots of time and money. It is hard to believe he will graduate this year. Then it is off to a mission for him too. My babies are all growing up. My heart wishes so bad that Brittnie could find someone to love her and I could do a wedding. It is hard for her to see her friends getting married and in my heart it is hard for me too. I worry about her not having that opportunity but I can't seem to get her to do anything. She did over the summer but now everyone is gone again.
Well, it is time for bed. My hubby and boys have the next two weeks off of school so it is like summer again - I work and they play. We are going to panaca for the weekend but that is my only break. I wish it were more, but again, my dream trip will be next year. Somehow, I need to find more patience and faith - somehow it will all work out. Sometimes it is just hard.
These past few weeks have been a trial of my faith. I guess I should have seen it coming as life seemed to be sailing so smoothly. I should never think that all is well cause that is when the boat begins to work. It is not terribly bad now, but enough to make me silently worry about how it will all work out. Hopefully, faith and miracles will help us make it through. I know without a shadow of a doubt if I continue to support my daughter on her mission, we will have what we need. Sometimes I wonder how, but I need to have faith that it will get there. We have been slammed with lots of bills lately - well, they have not actually come yet, but I know they are on their way. Cortnie and Brittnie both had lots of medical tests done lately and it is costing a lot of money. I am grateful for insurance but even that does not cover it all. Then, our air conditioner keeps going on the blitz, Brittnie's car got hit at work and we have to pay the deductible since it was a hit and run, and we are getting Rob's parents fifth wheel trailer that now we find out needs new tires, needs rails put in our truck for hitches and electric and it needs to be licensed. All money - and lots of it. In fact, we saw it coming so Rob and I cancelled our 25th anniversary trip to San Diego to be able to have the money that we need. It was really hard and sad too cause that anniversary is supposed to be really special and we only went to a nice dinner. Granted, it was nice, but it was not "special". Rob said it did not matter as we would have many more anniversaries, but not many more times to pick up our daughter from her mission in Nebraska. We are saving all we have for that trip in May. I just need to have faith and not worry so much about where the money will come from. It will be there and it will be okay - I just like to worry.
Cortnie is doing great! She was finally transferred - after being there over half of her mission. Yup...that is what I said. She is over halfway done now and on the downhill slide. It is amazing to me to think of that. Part of the time it seems like she just left but most of the time it feels like she has been gone forever. I sure miss her. She loves her new area and has lots of investigators. I would love to see her have a baptism after all her hard work. She is only about 8 miles from the last area. That is okay though cause she still can have the same doctors and still gets to work at the trail center - her favorite place. The best news though is that the migraines are almost completely gone. She went to a different doctor who sent her to a physical therapist. She told her they were not migraines but mechanical headaches. She has her doing exercises each day and the migraines are less than one a day now. AND, when she feels one coming on, she does the exercises and they go away. It took lots of doctors but it was all worth it. I just hope that it stays the same and she can keep them gone.
As for Brittnie, I can worry about her too. She has been having issues with feeling week and light headed for quite a while now. We got her a new doctor who has ran all kinds of blood work (and expensive tests too). She had a final test this past week to test her thyroid. Apparently it is pretty enlarged and has nodules on it. Most likely, they will be removing the thyroid one way or another. We will have the final answer in a couple of days. However, I am sure that will mean going to more doctors in Vegas and more testing. It is okay - as long as we find the answers and she is better. It could also explain why she is choking all the time too. I am grateful for miracles of science.
I do not mean to complain. Things are good. I feel like I spend so much time on RS stuff and am having a hard time finding a balance with that and my family. It is hard. I spend almost all day on Sunday doing RS stuff and then go back to work on Monday. I miss my down time and so miss my treadmill. I have to find a balance - but sometime I really need some sleep too. I pray every night to figure it out and to make it work. Patience - somehow it will come. We also have senior in high school now that takes lots of time and money. It is hard to believe he will graduate this year. Then it is off to a mission for him too. My babies are all growing up. My heart wishes so bad that Brittnie could find someone to love her and I could do a wedding. It is hard for her to see her friends getting married and in my heart it is hard for me too. I worry about her not having that opportunity but I can't seem to get her to do anything. She did over the summer but now everyone is gone again.
Well, it is time for bed. My hubby and boys have the next two weeks off of school so it is like summer again - I work and they play. We are going to panaca for the weekend but that is my only break. I wish it were more, but again, my dream trip will be next year. Somehow, I need to find more patience and faith - somehow it will all work out. Sometimes it is just hard.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Opportunities Bring Blessings.....
Well, my life has been changed dramatically in the last couple of weeks. I just re-read my last post that was all about blessings and how great life is. I still am so happy and grateful for all that I have. I know that my blessings come from my Heavenly Father. I know that He knows more about my life, my strengths, my weaknesses...more about me than I do. Sometimes though, I want to question what He knows and why He places opportunities and obstacles in my way.
This past couple or weeks have been extremely busy. I have been in charge of three major parties - one a week so have been a little bit stressed. One was at work, one was another large church party (which I was only asked to do one week before it was put on) and a very large baby shower this week. I love helping to organize parties and they usually turn out pretty well. I have done enough of them that I have a pretty good handle on what to do and how much food. it does not mean that it is all peachy though and I don't stress just a little bit. I am grateful for my family and all the help they usually put in - as it always seems to turn into a family help time. I have loved teaching my babies in my sunbeam class at church and was finally looking forward to having some free time again after all the parties were over - and time for my treadmill again. I really need that!!
Anyway, I go to church two weeks ago just as happy as can be. Rob tells me on the way there that the bishop wants to meet with us after church - again!! That would be three weeks in a row for me. I think nothing of it really but my mind wonders just a tiny bit what it could be for. I really had no clue. Well, to make a long story short, as I get in the chapel I am talking with my friend who tells me the Relief Society President is moving. I am totally surprised by this and suddenly my heart drops. I began to wonder now what really is going on but keep telling myself that it is nothing. Well, during the sacrament it came to me that I was going to be the new Relief Society President. I tried so hard to ignore the feelings but I just knew. I sat with Rob after the sacrament (I play the piano for the music) and leaned to him to tell him my feelings. A silent tear comes to my eyes. He hugs me and tells me that we both know that it is right but my heart keeps telling me no. So, after church we journey to the bishops office. He calls me in first and gives me a short temple recommend....there is not doubt in my mind now. After Rob joins us, he proceeds to ask me to be the president. I told him that I knew it was coming but just sat there for a minute. All was quiet. I then told him that he know I would not say no and I accepted. My heart wanted to stop. I really wanted to scream and shout no and I wanted to cry. I could not believe this was happening. I have already had this calling and in this ward. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would do it again here. Never!! But, it was happening and I knew I needed to change my attitude.
We told our children later that day and they all agreed that the ward needed this. Even Cortnie said that she knew that it was right and I would be the angel this ward needed. I was really hoping one for them would agree with me that it was not right and they could find someone else. I will tell you that I really struggled for almost a week. I was able to be touched by the spirit enough to choose the counselors and secretary that I know Heavenly Father wanted and I am grateful for that. As I went to bed the Saturday before, I cried on Rob's shoulder. I told him my heart was just not in this and I was really having a hard time. I knew it was right but I could not convince myself that it was. Satan was working too hard on me. The next day I was sustained in church. I think there were some people that were really shocked as was I. However, I have since had many of them come to me and tell me that they know I am suppose to be in this position - they have been told that themselves. That helps some but it is still hard. As I was set apart I finally got the answers that I needed. The bishop told me that this calling was from my Heavenly Father and He needed me right now. He needed me to bring the sisters back together and help them to find their way back to Him. He needed me to have love and compassion for each of them and help them to grow. I was promised that I would have the time and energy that I needed to fulfill this calling and that my family would always still come first and they would not suffer because of it. That was a big one to me - my family is always first and I needed to know that was okay. I cried during and after that blessing - and a few times since then.
Am I okay now? I still have my days where I struggle. Satan knows my weaknesses. I still have times when I wonder how I will do it all. Every night this week was spent doing Relief Society and every night this week was a very late night. I know it will get easier as I settle into it, so I just have to keep leaning on that faith and my Heavenly Father. Someone also told me that when their child was serving a mission, they did everything they could for the church so that Heavenly Father would do everything to protect their child. I feel the same way - extra blessings for all of us and for my missionary. I know this calling comes from above and their will be angels to help me through. I just pray that I will be worthy of their guidance and the blessings that will continue to come my way. I love to serve....and I will do the best that I know how.
This past couple or weeks have been extremely busy. I have been in charge of three major parties - one a week so have been a little bit stressed. One was at work, one was another large church party (which I was only asked to do one week before it was put on) and a very large baby shower this week. I love helping to organize parties and they usually turn out pretty well. I have done enough of them that I have a pretty good handle on what to do and how much food. it does not mean that it is all peachy though and I don't stress just a little bit. I am grateful for my family and all the help they usually put in - as it always seems to turn into a family help time. I have loved teaching my babies in my sunbeam class at church and was finally looking forward to having some free time again after all the parties were over - and time for my treadmill again. I really need that!!
Anyway, I go to church two weeks ago just as happy as can be. Rob tells me on the way there that the bishop wants to meet with us after church - again!! That would be three weeks in a row for me. I think nothing of it really but my mind wonders just a tiny bit what it could be for. I really had no clue. Well, to make a long story short, as I get in the chapel I am talking with my friend who tells me the Relief Society President is moving. I am totally surprised by this and suddenly my heart drops. I began to wonder now what really is going on but keep telling myself that it is nothing. Well, during the sacrament it came to me that I was going to be the new Relief Society President. I tried so hard to ignore the feelings but I just knew. I sat with Rob after the sacrament (I play the piano for the music) and leaned to him to tell him my feelings. A silent tear comes to my eyes. He hugs me and tells me that we both know that it is right but my heart keeps telling me no. So, after church we journey to the bishops office. He calls me in first and gives me a short temple recommend....there is not doubt in my mind now. After Rob joins us, he proceeds to ask me to be the president. I told him that I knew it was coming but just sat there for a minute. All was quiet. I then told him that he know I would not say no and I accepted. My heart wanted to stop. I really wanted to scream and shout no and I wanted to cry. I could not believe this was happening. I have already had this calling and in this ward. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would do it again here. Never!! But, it was happening and I knew I needed to change my attitude.
We told our children later that day and they all agreed that the ward needed this. Even Cortnie said that she knew that it was right and I would be the angel this ward needed. I was really hoping one for them would agree with me that it was not right and they could find someone else. I will tell you that I really struggled for almost a week. I was able to be touched by the spirit enough to choose the counselors and secretary that I know Heavenly Father wanted and I am grateful for that. As I went to bed the Saturday before, I cried on Rob's shoulder. I told him my heart was just not in this and I was really having a hard time. I knew it was right but I could not convince myself that it was. Satan was working too hard on me. The next day I was sustained in church. I think there were some people that were really shocked as was I. However, I have since had many of them come to me and tell me that they know I am suppose to be in this position - they have been told that themselves. That helps some but it is still hard. As I was set apart I finally got the answers that I needed. The bishop told me that this calling was from my Heavenly Father and He needed me right now. He needed me to bring the sisters back together and help them to find their way back to Him. He needed me to have love and compassion for each of them and help them to grow. I was promised that I would have the time and energy that I needed to fulfill this calling and that my family would always still come first and they would not suffer because of it. That was a big one to me - my family is always first and I needed to know that was okay. I cried during and after that blessing - and a few times since then.
Am I okay now? I still have my days where I struggle. Satan knows my weaknesses. I still have times when I wonder how I will do it all. Every night this week was spent doing Relief Society and every night this week was a very late night. I know it will get easier as I settle into it, so I just have to keep leaning on that faith and my Heavenly Father. Someone also told me that when their child was serving a mission, they did everything they could for the church so that Heavenly Father would do everything to protect their child. I feel the same way - extra blessings for all of us and for my missionary. I know this calling comes from above and their will be angels to help me through. I just pray that I will be worthy of their guidance and the blessings that will continue to come my way. I love to serve....and I will do the best that I know how.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Blessings and More Blessings
Laughing children, smiling faces, noisy husbands and lots of confusion...I absolutely love it! I love having company come to my home and taking care of them. I love to cook, clean, provide and help them to be happy. I do that with my small home, but no one but me ever seems to mind. It is so worth the memories that are created to have family in my home. Right now, Chad and his three children are here from New York and it is awesome! We only get the chance to see them about once a year, but missed them last year due to scout camp. They choose to come stay with us for five days this summer though and it is wonderful. I so wish we all could have taken another week off of work but Boyd, Britt and I will be working while they are here. Skyler left for scout camp today so he is gone too. We had an awesome day with them yesterday though as we rented jet skis again and played on the river. The weather was a scorching 125 degrees, but the water made it bearable. Even the unplanned swim (the fall of the ski thanks to Rob) felt good. I am so grateful for blessings that allow us the opportunity to spend time with our family.
We truly have been blesses and I know it is mostly due to the fact that we are sacrificing our daughter being on a mission. Everyone always told me blessings unnumbered would come having a missionary out and I so believe it. I stress that something will break down and wonder how we will pay for it, but I know that all will be okay. We were given a march larger "bonus" check for Rob at the end of the school year; his parents were generous again and sent us money to be able to rent the jet skis to play with Chad yesterday, and medical surprises came our way. Boyd had to have his wisdom teeth pulled so we elected to do them before school started again. We were told our insurance would pay 100% up to $1500 since the were impacted. We had to pay our portion of about $320 upfront. We paid it and took it out of the extra money we got from Rob. We were grateful that was all it was. However, last week we got a refund check from the dentist. The insurance paid the whole amount - minus $30 - for his procedure. It was way about the $1500 but they paid it anyway. I started to cry as I opened the letter and saw the check.
I so know that it is because of Cortnie being gone. Opportunities have arrived for us to be together as a family more and we are much happier. My heart still aches for Cortnie to be gone (and honestly, truthfully, I would much rather have her here - who would not). However, I would not trade her mission for anything right now. She has grown so much and is so happy. She wrote a couple weeks ago that she has already been out for six months. Little does she know that I totally keep track of that - sometimes too much. I am already making plans to go pick her up next summer and trying to figure out how we will get in all our summer plans. We will have Boyd leaving next summer too so it will be a busy summer. I already told my boss that I plan on taking the whole summer off - he just laughed. I will be gone a good part of it though and won't even feel bad.
I am so grateful for blessings. I am grateful that I have a cool house right now and a working air conditioner. I am grateful for a husband who is trying so hard to make my summer life easier by having the house clean when I come home and helping out more at night. I am grateful for wonderful children. I have been told many times by many people that my children are good examples and good kids. I am so grateful for them and that they do not give us problems. I am lonely having Skyler gone this week and will worry about him until Rob gets there on Wednesday.....sometimes he can be a handful. I just wish I knew that they had made it safe tonight and hope that he will mind. My family keeps my young and makes me smile. I am so blessed to have them in my life and to know that we will be together forever. Blessings....what a wonderful thing!
We truly have been blesses and I know it is mostly due to the fact that we are sacrificing our daughter being on a mission. Everyone always told me blessings unnumbered would come having a missionary out and I so believe it. I stress that something will break down and wonder how we will pay for it, but I know that all will be okay. We were given a march larger "bonus" check for Rob at the end of the school year; his parents were generous again and sent us money to be able to rent the jet skis to play with Chad yesterday, and medical surprises came our way. Boyd had to have his wisdom teeth pulled so we elected to do them before school started again. We were told our insurance would pay 100% up to $1500 since the were impacted. We had to pay our portion of about $320 upfront. We paid it and took it out of the extra money we got from Rob. We were grateful that was all it was. However, last week we got a refund check from the dentist. The insurance paid the whole amount - minus $30 - for his procedure. It was way about the $1500 but they paid it anyway. I started to cry as I opened the letter and saw the check.
I so know that it is because of Cortnie being gone. Opportunities have arrived for us to be together as a family more and we are much happier. My heart still aches for Cortnie to be gone (and honestly, truthfully, I would much rather have her here - who would not). However, I would not trade her mission for anything right now. She has grown so much and is so happy. She wrote a couple weeks ago that she has already been out for six months. Little does she know that I totally keep track of that - sometimes too much. I am already making plans to go pick her up next summer and trying to figure out how we will get in all our summer plans. We will have Boyd leaving next summer too so it will be a busy summer. I already told my boss that I plan on taking the whole summer off - he just laughed. I will be gone a good part of it though and won't even feel bad.
I am so grateful for blessings. I am grateful that I have a cool house right now and a working air conditioner. I am grateful for a husband who is trying so hard to make my summer life easier by having the house clean when I come home and helping out more at night. I am grateful for wonderful children. I have been told many times by many people that my children are good examples and good kids. I am so grateful for them and that they do not give us problems. I am lonely having Skyler gone this week and will worry about him until Rob gets there on Wednesday.....sometimes he can be a handful. I just wish I knew that they had made it safe tonight and hope that he will mind. My family keeps my young and makes me smile. I am so blessed to have them in my life and to know that we will be together forever. Blessings....what a wonderful thing!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Father's Day
Another glorious day!! I love the weekends and really love Sundays. I so wish the weekends would last longer and the work days were only two days long. Oh well, I will gladly take my weekends and spend lots of time with my family. Today was a really nice day as we honored Rob and our fathers. How grateful I am to be married to a great man! They say a girl will marry someone whom is like her own father - and I believe I did. My father is a honorable man who truly cared for his children. He laughed with us, taught us right from work, helped us learn to work and instilled in us the love for our Savior, Jesus Christ. My husband has those same qualities. As we speak he is playing x-box games with his children and they are laughing very hard. I love to listen to them play together. I love to watch him use his priesthood to bless the lives of our children and keep them safe. Today, I say thank you to the two most precious men in my lives. I love you!!
I wished we could have a had another Skype session today with Cortnie like we did on Mother's Day. I know it is not allowed, but my mind has been on her a lot today. I am sure she would have loved to been here with her father to give him a huge hug and tell him that she loves him. My heart aches in a small way that she is alone on this day (without her family that is) and I know she is somewhat saddened by that. She is such a family oriented person and I know she would love to be here with us. However, there is no place else we would rather her be. She has grown so much while on her mission and her testimony is wonderful to hear. I miss her more than I can ever say - but I know she is happy and doing well. I know when she is sad or not feeling well - I can feel it myself and then I pray extra hard. She has had a rough couple of weeks with migraines again and had some testing done. All of the tests came back saying there was nothing wrong which is a big relief. It does not answer the migraines, but we know there is no major cause to them. That is a comfort. I wish I could have been there with her to hold her hand while she had blood work done and went in the dark tube of an MRI. I know those are some of her biggest fears. How grateful I am to dear sisters who have become her best friends and helped her through. I pray she is well and think about her constantly. Six months has gone by already which is wonderful. I have already been planning our surprise trip to pick her up next summer. I can hardly wait!!
I was able to take this last week off and join my family in Utah. Unfortunately, Rob and Britt did not go as they stayed her to do Cinderella. Boyd went to EFY again so Skyler and I went up to have a break and hang out with the family. Boyd was jealous that he did not get to do all the fun things we did, but he would never give up EFY. It is so worth the money. When he has tears rolling down his cheeks as we drive away, I know his heart has been touched. He has made some wonderful new friends and I am sure he wonders if he will ever see them again. I am so thankful we have the means to send our children there. The testimony they get of the Savior is the most wonderful thing ever. I love to hear their stories and know they have been changed for the good.
Skyler and I had a fun week. We went to water parks, activity centers, the movies, mini golfing, and so much more. He had ice cream every day and got more spoiled. I loved the cooler weather. I went running in the mornings and it was so wonderful. I ran my 5K without any hitches and loved every minute of it. How I wish our weather was that way - so cool in the morning so I could run. We are at the hot stage though and it is too hard to run in 100 degree weather. I hated to come home. I saw the old side of my mother and it was great. She never complained about being in pain and she was with us all the time. She even went to lunch and shopping with us for four hours. I have missed that so much and hope she has turned a leaf.
Life is back to normal though now. I do not want to work tomorrow but the choice is not given. I know that I need to work and will do what I can to make it worth my time there. I need to enjoy it so that is what I choose to do. It is hard to run on a different schedule than my family during the summer but that is how it is. I am just so grateful to have them and to take care of them. I give thanks everyday for those blessings in my life.
I wished we could have a had another Skype session today with Cortnie like we did on Mother's Day. I know it is not allowed, but my mind has been on her a lot today. I am sure she would have loved to been here with her father to give him a huge hug and tell him that she loves him. My heart aches in a small way that she is alone on this day (without her family that is) and I know she is somewhat saddened by that. She is such a family oriented person and I know she would love to be here with us. However, there is no place else we would rather her be. She has grown so much while on her mission and her testimony is wonderful to hear. I miss her more than I can ever say - but I know she is happy and doing well. I know when she is sad or not feeling well - I can feel it myself and then I pray extra hard. She has had a rough couple of weeks with migraines again and had some testing done. All of the tests came back saying there was nothing wrong which is a big relief. It does not answer the migraines, but we know there is no major cause to them. That is a comfort. I wish I could have been there with her to hold her hand while she had blood work done and went in the dark tube of an MRI. I know those are some of her biggest fears. How grateful I am to dear sisters who have become her best friends and helped her through. I pray she is well and think about her constantly. Six months has gone by already which is wonderful. I have already been planning our surprise trip to pick her up next summer. I can hardly wait!!
I was able to take this last week off and join my family in Utah. Unfortunately, Rob and Britt did not go as they stayed her to do Cinderella. Boyd went to EFY again so Skyler and I went up to have a break and hang out with the family. Boyd was jealous that he did not get to do all the fun things we did, but he would never give up EFY. It is so worth the money. When he has tears rolling down his cheeks as we drive away, I know his heart has been touched. He has made some wonderful new friends and I am sure he wonders if he will ever see them again. I am so thankful we have the means to send our children there. The testimony they get of the Savior is the most wonderful thing ever. I love to hear their stories and know they have been changed for the good.
Skyler and I had a fun week. We went to water parks, activity centers, the movies, mini golfing, and so much more. He had ice cream every day and got more spoiled. I loved the cooler weather. I went running in the mornings and it was so wonderful. I ran my 5K without any hitches and loved every minute of it. How I wish our weather was that way - so cool in the morning so I could run. We are at the hot stage though and it is too hard to run in 100 degree weather. I hated to come home. I saw the old side of my mother and it was great. She never complained about being in pain and she was with us all the time. She even went to lunch and shopping with us for four hours. I have missed that so much and hope she has turned a leaf.
Life is back to normal though now. I do not want to work tomorrow but the choice is not given. I know that I need to work and will do what I can to make it worth my time there. I need to enjoy it so that is what I choose to do. It is hard to run on a different schedule than my family during the summer but that is how it is. I am just so grateful to have them and to take care of them. I give thanks everyday for those blessings in my life.
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