Proud to Be Who I am

 As I sit here this beautiful Sunday afternoon, I can not stop reflecting on all of the blessings that I have.  It is Mother's Day and I am so grateful and proud to be a mother.  I was blessed to be sent to a mother who has inspired me, served me, worried me, loves me, and has shown me how to be the mother that I am today.  I also have a wonderful mother-in-law who raised the wonderful man that I chose to marry.  One who loves me unconditionally and learned to much from her.  It truly is a great time to be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a woman.  I am proud of who I am.

We visited Rob's mom this morning in the care center and I love to watch the smile on her face as she slowly wakes up from her slumber to see her son standing next to her. Her whole room brightens up and she gets so happy.  I never imagined that she would spend the last three years and most likely the rest of her life confined to a bed. She was so active and outgoing. I pictured going on trips with her, having her at graduations and weddings, and growing old with her grandchildren around her. It truly breaks my heart to see her that way, but how I love her!  She has been such a good example to me and gave me my husband - my best friend.  I just pray that soon she will be able to rejoin her husband in heaven and once again be able to run and laugh and serve they way she used to.  I told Rob today, that I often think when birthdays or mothers days come that I wonder if there will be another one to spend with them. I hope she remembers how much we love her in the mind of hers that tends to wonder quite often.

My mother will be here shortly. I worry about her as well. She too has many health issues and can not do much. She has come a long way in the past year and has overcome so many challenges.  It is great to see her doing things again,  but I long to take her shopping or to a movie or to lunch. She does not get out much anymore and when she does is so worn out the next day. Like my mother-in-law, I thought that she would be able to be more involved and do so much more. It is so hard to watch them get older and realize that they will not be here forever. My heart breaks to think about that, but how grateful I am that I know we will be together forever.  The times I am wishing we had now, we will get again. We will be able to do them all in heaven and without any pain or suffering.  How I love my mother.  She makes me laugh with her phone calls, and still worries about me and my children everyday.  She truly is an example to me and I adore her  strength.  I pray that she too will be able to be happy and continue to do some of the things she loves. 

My family is my pride and joy.  I could not go today without saying how grateful I am for the man who made me a mother.  He is my best friend.  We are not perfect and I think often that there were many things that we could have done different in raising our kids - maybe if we did, they would have different lives today.  However, we have done it together. We have stayed strong in the church. We have built a beautiful home and now get to live close to our family. We go on bike rides and plant gardens.  My heart still adores him when he holds my hand and it flutters when he walks by.  I love him more than I could ever say.  I surprised him with a trip to Hawaii in March. It was one of the best things we have ever done.  We had no plans so we just woke up and did whatever we felt like. It was so relaxing. We needed it after this past year. We had scares for him of kidney stones, a fall from his bike resulting in a broken collar bone (putting him in surgery was not fun - I hate when they wheel them away), and now his oxygen has been so low and his heart rate so high.  I worry about him constantly and hope that he can overcome this latest scare.  I want to share many more years with him.  I want to travel, to laugh, to hold grandchildren, to love him.  I pray for him everyday and I am sure he gets annoyed with me calling to check on him.  But, I want him around on earth for many more years before we share eternity together.  

My children continue to make me proud, worried, stressed, happy, sad, joyful, young and so much more.  I love watching them grow, but I would not be truthful if I did not say that I wish so much more for them. I wish they had more friends, a better social life, better jobs, spouses, children and so forth. I try not to talk about it much as I know it hurts them as well.  I just keep praying that their dreams will come true. I want to be here to support them and help them and I am slowly learning that I need to not interfere so much. I  need them to live their lives and help when they ask. I am not good at that, but I am really trying.  I really, really am. 

Brittnie decided to go back to Alaska again this summer. She had fun there last year and made some pretty good money.  At least this year she had a place to stay before she got on the plane and some of her friends from last year have come back as well. It is fun to listen to her laugh and share the  good times. I hope they keep her as busy this year as they did last year as I know that days off are pretty boring and she has no care.  We are going to do a quick trip up to see her in August.  We feel like we need to go and want to see what she is doing. It will be two weeks before she comes home, but that is when things worked into the schedule. It will be a long summer until we see her, but I am grateful for technology that allows me to talk to her each day.  She has grown so much, I hope she can maybe find a place of her own when she comes home as well as a good job.  She deserves so much more. 

Cortnie has completed her masters degree and will graduate this next Saturday.  I am so proud of her!  She gave up so much to go to school to obtain a degree because her Heavenly Father told her she needed too. She has inquired so much debt and has been away from the man she loves for the past two years She truly has sacrificed to obtain what she has.  We will be flying to Boston to watch her graduate this week and then help her move back to Orlando. The original plan was to move back here when she was done and teach at BYU, but Jonathan has stolen her heart from us. I so wish that he would just ask her to marry him. That they can plan their future together and grow in love.  I hate to have her so far away and I miss her dearly. I just hope that if there is a wedding that she will let me be the annoying mother and help her plan it. I want to be there when she picks out a dress, when she does pictures, when she gets her hair and nails done.  I want to be involved so my heart is really hoping it will be here in Utah. If not, I do not think many of our family will go.  I just pray that she will always remember that she is loved and we want her to come home as much as she can. I worry that will not be too often. But for now, we will glory in her graduation and be very proud parents when she walks across that state on  Saturday. 

Boyd is my kind hearted, mother hugging son and I worry about him a lot. He tends to suffer the most of my children from a little bit of depression. He tries so hard at everything he does, but nothing ever seems to go his way.  He was so down a couple weeks ago after Brittnie left as he was "our only child that was not out having an adventure."  He is still trying to work his way through animation school and wants to badly to get a job and be out on his own.  He is putting his whole heart into it this semester so I pray that it will happen. I want him to have that adventure. To go explore the world and live his dreams.  I hate the thought of him leaving home, but I want what is best for him.  I pray that he will know he loved no matter what and that we are here for him. I will admit, I worry when we are gone and he is alone. I do not like him to feel so down.  You've got this son!  Dreams will come true. 

Skyler is loving being on his own. He is trying to learn coding with an online schooling program. As with my other children, I worry about his as well.  I worry that he is not going to finish the class and get a job before the funds are gone.  I worry that he is not active in the church and that he is missing out on having that spiritual uplift each week. However, he has really grown since moving to Logan. He is still so full of love and humor. I am not allowed to talk to him everyday though and I will admit that as days go by without hearing from him, I miss him more.  I hope that he will continue to grow. That he will know he is loved and we will do anything for him.  He still knows how to make me smile and laugh when I am feeling down 

Blessed?  Yes, I am truly am. This blog is just about the family that makes me want to be a better person. However, I am blessed with a nice home, a great job, the gospel, my callings, my friends, health, energy, food, cars, spiritual guidance, a Savior, and so much more.  Today, I am most blessed to hear the word "mother" and know that it pertains to me I only hope those who speak that word know that they are my pride and job. They are all that I ever wanted as a young girl.  I bear that name proudly! 

Family Memories

 This year has been so different not having my children near.  It seems strange to have only one child living at home, but honestly, we had kind of thought that was how our lives would be at our age. We were so excited to have our children while we were so young and just knew that we would have a handful of grandchildren to spoil and play with while we were still young as well.  Unfortunately, that has not happened and our poor children are still all alone and trying to be happy. I know they wish things were different, and hopefully someday SOON they will be.  In the meantime, we try to create as many family memories as we can and enjoy all the time we can spend with them. 

We recently just went on one of the best vacations ever!  Last year we were supposed to have gone to Scotland for our niece's wedding and stayed in a castle!  How cool would that have been?  Well, things changed and the wedding was moved to here in Utah.  We all had travel credits to use, so Rob's family decided to go to Cancun. I would have loved to have gone somewhere else since this is the fourth time in two years we have been there, but this was different. There were 20 of us total that went and it was so awesome.  I was lucky enough to have all of my children there. 

The flights were long but at least they were on time and did not get canceled. Poor Brittnie had the extra 10 hours of travel from Alaska to here and back but she is a trooper and did well.  If I would have had to judge our trip by the first five hours, I would have thought we should have just come home.  The check-in was a total nightmare from a 2-hour wait, to being given rooms that were not functional, to the wrong room type (only one bed per room) and the heat.  I was ready to get right back on the plane. However, I told myself that we were there and if we had to survive for a week in less than ideal circumstances, we were going to make the most of it and have fun. Fortunately, the manager got it all corrected the next day and it turned out to be one of the best ever.!  We played, we laughed, we cried, we stayed up late, we had a bat encounter, we got sick and we still would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Everyone got along great and it brought us closer together as an extended family.  Even the brother-in-law who was not sure he wanted to come, made the comment that he was so glad that he did as it far exceeded his expectations. 

Britt's birthday was while were there so we decide to surprise her with a monkey excursion. She LOVES monkeys. Everyone decided to go which was great. We got to see rescued animals, pet some of them, hold a Boa Constrictor, and hold a monkey. The smile on her face as she had that money sitting on her arms in her lap was so worth it.  It was the best!  We had told the resort too about her birthday and they showed up at our door with a cheesecake with her name on it as well as wine (which she turned down).  Then at dinner, they all sang to her and gave her another piece of cake again with her name decorated on it.  It was great!

We also took an excursion which included snorkeling, an underground Cenote (cave), zip-lining, and riding ATVs. This was Skyler's favorite part.  I even tried my best to snorkel and even put my face in the water. I need to learn to do this as I want to not be afraid to go in the water with Rob as that is one of his favorite things to do.  In fact, he and Boyd went scuba diving as well which was their highlight.  The excursion took most all day but was so much fun. Rob and I were on the first ATV and at one point, we were stopped waiting for everyone to catch up. We looked back at this huge line of ATVs that were all family members (14 total) and the line stretched out. It was the most awesome site. I commented to Rob how neat it was and it brought tears to my eyes.  

Most days we slept till about 8:30 so nothing urgent to get up for. We relaxed at the beach, or in the pool. We played card games while it rained. We drank lots of Bahama Mamas and Tango Mangos and we ate.  We always went to the buffet with the best intentions of not eating much but everything looked so good. We were lucky enough to go one night to a fancy French restaurant and we laughed as our salad had twigs in it and names we could not pronounce.  It is fun sometimes to dress up and pretend we are fancy and laugh so hard. 

I needed this trip so badly. Work had me exhausted and I needed to see my kids. I had not seen Cortnie since Christmas and Skyler does not call like the girls do.  It was so great to have them all close and to love them and spoil them.  I can't wait to go again.  To make more memories that cost a fortune but are worth it every penny.  My happiness is my family and always will be. I am so glad they are mine for eternity!

Unexpected Changes

 Sometimes life gets too comfortable.  We do our every thing like work, clean, cook watch TV, etc and things are good.  I love my comfortable life and really would have it no other way. It is hard when challenges get in the way or when changes happen.  I am not good with change or challenges, but I do know that they make me grow.  

Brittnie has been dreaming about visiting Alaska for some time now. She was going to go on a vacation there by herself, but it never seemed to come together. Then she found out about summer jobs there and things changed. She decided she needed to leave her stable job and life and go to Alaska.  I was surprised that she would give up what she had for only four months, but her faith has been amazing. She received a blessing that told her she needed to go. She has no idea why but chose to follow that blessing.  She left us yesterday and it was not a good day. 

The week before she left, we were up past midnight trying to figure out flights, apartments, schedules etc. I was exhausted but plugged along with her. I was frustrated, and I am sure she was too, that she could not find a place to rent. She wanted to be with other girls and not on her own, but we could not find anything. She also kept hoping she would find something so did not get a place to stay when she got there. She kept telling me that it would all work out and she would be fine. I actually put her on a plane with unanswered questions. She did get a text that morning saying they had found an unfurnished studio apartment and could move in this week. However, it will be Wednesday before she can get the keys.  I was so worried about where she was going to stay until then.  Most places were full and cost way too much.  I reached out to my coworker who has parents that live there. At the last minute, they offer her their extra apartment to stay in until Wednesday. She got off the plane with no one greeting her and took an Uber to an unknown house.  What faith and courage. 

I have learned a lot through all of this. First, she has so much more faith than I do.  She was told it would be okay and at the very last minute, it was.  Second, Heavenly Father provides a way.   I am still so nervous about her being there by herself and pray so hard that she will make friends and find what she is seeking.  (Deep inside, I hope she does not like it too much so that she will want to stay - I then would have both of my daughters miles away).  I cried all day yesterday but once she got there, I felt so calm. I slept great and only teared up once at church.  These words were in one of the songs we sang "For courage to accept thy will, to listen and obey" and she has done just that.  I can learn so much from my kids 

Cortnie is also leaving Boston today to go to Orlando for the summer. She too is entering the unknown hoping to find a job and earn money for next year. I wish she would have come here instead, but we are not near Jonathan. She stays in his home which always concerns me, but I have to trust my children and let them grow up.   Skyler is doing well in Logan and is really trying hard to get out of debt.  He says he can't come home for at least another month since he has no extra money. However, if he would  not eat at Arby's every day, that would help. 

Boyd I think feels left out. He has not said it, but I can tell he is bothered that he is the only one at home He is trying so hard to pass his classes so he can get a real job and move out.  I hope he can do it as I don't like the depression he goes into. 

Spring is here and life is moving on.  It is not like it was last week or a year ago, but it will bring new growth and challenges for us. I know we will be able to handle them if we stay close to our Heavenly Father.  I am so glad he does not leave us alone.  

Another Year

 Can it really be a whole year since I last penned anything? I used to be so good at this and wanted to write history for my children.  It is hard to find or make the time but I need to do better.  There is no way to remember everything from this past year...

We are well!  The pandemic is finally starting to go away and I feel back to normal every day.  Our prophet has lifted mask restrictions at church and in the temples so that means it has to be getting better. The joys of the temple - my peaceful quiet time.  I have a goal to go once a month this year and so far, we have done it.  I also have the opportunity to serve in the temple now but I have such mixed feelings,  I know that Rob's heart does not desire to spend four hours a week in the temple, but my heart so wishes he would be there with me. I hate the idea of driving there and being there by myself every week. I know we would not be in the same areas most of the time as we served, but just the thought of doing it alone makes me want to wait.  I am so torn as to what to do.

My family is well. We have good jobs, we have clothing, food, a house, cars, beautiful weather, freedom, love...we are so blessed.  I so wish my kids could live their dreams.  I know they want to be married, to have children, to move out of my house...but that is something I can not provide for them. My heart wishes so bad I could make it happen, but I have to sit back quietly and shed tears as I know their hearts are hurting.  I don't understand it.  They don't understand it. But we try to have faith that it is the right thing and go forward every day.  

My beautiful Brittnie had a scare earlier this year as she was tested for thyroid cancer.  The procedure was not fun (15 biopsy needles in her neck) but with the faith and prayers of our family, the nodules are not cancer. She most likely needs to have them taken care of as they are causing more choking issues. She has been so brave and felt the peace of our Heavenly Father through it all. She hopes to go to Alaska soon on vacation and might just go by herself. That breaks my heart to think that she will be traveling alone. She has a great spirit and is so willing to help anyone.  I just wish her prince would ride up on his white horse soon. 

Cortnie is in Boston now. She lives by herself as she goes to graduate school. She flies to Orlando a lot to visit Jonathan and spend time there. She just had her first play where she was the head custom designer and she put in so many hours.  She is going so far into debt to live there as it is so expensive. I wish I had the money to give to her but she wants to do it on her own. I hope she can find a good job when she is done.  Will she have a life with Jonathan?  I think so but I know the thought of no temple marriage really bothers her. Maybe someday. 

Boyd still is at home too.  He is doing online animation school and seems to struggle to get past one class. He works for a school and seems to have a passion for little kids.  He has been battling some depression demons lately so finally started counseling.  I only want him to be happy and find his way in life.  Hopefully, he can work it all out

Skyler moved to Logan in January to live with his cousins.  He is not doing school but works at a car wash.  He seems to be happy and was ready to be on his own.  He has grown and is taking to take control of his life. I have to laugh when he puts me on a video call in Walmart as we walk the aisles together to find something on the shelf, or calls to ask how to make mashed potatoes.  I am proud of him but sure miss him in our home.  It is hard to walk by his empty bedroom every day. 

Rob - he is still the love of my life.  We don't spend as much time as we should and I know that is my fault.  I love to be in his arms - my safe place.  He sends me the best texts or just gives me the I love you smile when I need it. He walked me through hand surgery a few weeks ago and took care of me while I recovered.  He truly is my best friend and I love him so much.  

We have gone to Cancun twice this past year with just us and it was the best ever.  Scotland got canceled due to the pandemic, but we took the kids to Cancun in August.  It was a great family vacation and I can't wait to do more.  I have decided that we could put all our extra money on the truck to pay it off, or we could make memories with our kids and each other.  I prefer the latter and can't wait for the next vacation.  

We also thought we were losing Rob's mom earlier this year. We took all the kids up to see her (with Cortnie on the phone) and they all told her goodbye. Rob gave her a blessing to go home, to be with dad, and not to worry about us. It was the most pain-wrenching thing to watch them all cry to say goodbye.  However, we know that families are forever.  We were totally surprised the next day to get a phone call that she was back awake and is still with us today.  I am grateful, but don't want to go through that again. Watching your parents suffer is really hard - we watched my mom suffer from a head injury but she is doing well now too. 

Blessed - yes I am!  I want to grow old with my best friend, to travel with him and my kids; to walk my daughters through weddings and childbirth; to hold grandbabies in my arms; to see my sons be the best fathers out there.  I pray every day that I can make a difference in the world and am so grateful to have my Savior beside me to do that. I would want it no other way. 

One Year Later

 Well, here it is one year later. One year of a very trying time in our lives. One year of watching lives change for so many people One year of worry, stress, gratitude, blessings, love and so much more. I think this past year has really made me stop to think about what I am truly grateful for and all that is mine. I am so blessed and can never thank enough my Heavenly Father for all that he is given to me.  I know he loves me. He knows who Wendi Beatty is, He knows I am not perfect and that I need Him in my life every day. He knows I want to be like Him. 

Life is pretty much back to normal for us. Rob's office closed down and they will now be working remotely from home permanently.  He enjoys not having to travel to the office, but he gets lonely in his office in the basement and does not get a chance to leave the house much.  We both have been working so many hours lately.  Hopefully, soon help will arrive and we will be able to get back to our normal forty-hour workweek. I am so grateful that he does not complain much and that we are able to provide for our family. We are so lucky to have moved and bought a home when we did. If we were trying to do it now, we would not have a home. Once again, our Heavenly Father had his hand in our lives and knew it was time to move when we did.  We are truly blessed. We have been able to pay off finishing our home and yard, one of our cars, and have extra money each month to enjoy a night out or order quick meal.  

The kids continue to thrive as well, but they are still living here. People say I should force them out as they are all adults, but I can not do that. It is not in my nature. I would love to see them date, to have more of social life, to get married and I would love to be a grandma, but right now they are still here.  I enjoy the laughter, the fun times, the game, and movie nights.  It is all just great. I am so happy!  

Cortnie is still in Florida doing school and trying to work. She is so worn out and can hardly keep up, but she insists that she will work through the next three weeks. She will then have the summer off of school so will just work and then when school starts in the fall, she will quit Disney. That means we have to go lots more times!  We are actually flying out next weekend to surprise her and give her some "homesickness times".  She has said for us not to come as she is too busy, we are going anyway. She will still have to work while we are there, but we could really use a break too. We have not been able to do much due to COVID.  I am so excited to see her. 

We are actually going on a trip to Mexico (just Rob and I) in May with my work. They are paying for us to go for five days to an all -inclusive and we have to pay nothing. They are even paying us while we are there.  Then in September, we are supposed to go to Scotland and London. The deposit has been made so hopefully it will be open up to travel and we can go. We are even staying in a Castle while we are there as our niece is getting married there.  I want and need to travel and getaway.  I am so excited to get out of here for a while and hope that we can stay healthy. They have a vaccine now for this virus, but Rob does not want to get it yet as it is all so new, and not many studies on it.  

Life is good. I just finished teaching my relief society lesson and my heart was so touched. I am so thankful for my Savior and all that he is given to me. I know that he loves me. I know that he is my friend, Without him, I am nothing. I could not handle everyday life and I could not have my family forever. I still pray every day that Skyler's heart will change and he will want to come back to the church.  I want him in our heavenly circle.  My life is my family. Everything I do, I do for them. I would walk to the moon and back for each one of them.  I give up sleep, my time, and so much more but I will never complain. They are who I am and I am so blessed in every way. I can never say thanks enough.  

Will We Ever get Back to Normal

 Another seven months has gone by and I wish I had exciting news to write.  The world is still in chaos. The lock downs have been lifted, but life is not the same.  Masks are required to be worn in public so you can never see anyone smile. I miss that. Lots of places have opened back up, but the capacity is limited so you have to book reservations or wait in long lines.  The virus cases have started to rise again so the government has asked that if you get together, you do not meet with more than ten people. That kind of destroys family gatherings and with the holidays coming up, that makes me sad.  I miss our family and I miss getting together.  I am so glad that I at least have my children and I will say, I believe we have become closer the past few months.  

Yesterday was Halloween which is Rob's favorite time of the year.  I wanted it to be fun for him. We spent time as a family at an activity center where we got bruised and broken climbing and crawling on things that our somewhat older bodies are not as used too. Today I am very sore.  Then we went to my parents so once again Rob could do their swamp coolers as the cooler weather is coming on and they needed to be covered. We splurged and bought dinner then had fun passing out candy. Kids need a life.  Our neighborhood decided we were still doing trick or treat.  It was so good to see everyone.  And it was a great day. 

I am back to work at the office but Rob is still working from home.  We are doing pretty good as far as paying our bills off and I feel so good about our move. I am truly happy although I still miss our friends.  I will say, my worse fear came to pass. I have no idea where or how we got it, but we got the virus. Rob had symptoms first like a bad head cold. After three days he decided to get tested and that is when Britt and I started symptoms.  Needless to say, we were all positive.  We were banned to our house for at least ten days.  We had people bring us groceries and ask how we were.  Rob was the worse.  He could hardly get out of bed. The rest of us were okay. It was like a head cold.  Britt and I worked from home during the whole time but poor Rob, could not do anything. He had it all - body aches, sore throat, cough, fever, loss of smell, lack of energy. I will say that it makes you so very tired. We were all going to bed very early every night. Rob really scared me though. I have never seen him so sick.  He would not eat, could hardly move and the cough was so bad.  The biggest cause of this virus is people ending up on ventilators in the hospital for months.  There was one night I thought for sure I was going to have to take him to the ER.  He managed to get through and the next day had a chest xray.  There was not infection but the lung capacity was diminished so they put him on steroids.  It took him a good three weeks to start feeling better and even know, we sometimes all get so tired.  It was not fun. I was afraid I was going to lose Rob and I cried so hard in my bed at night. I was sleeping in a separate room to allow him to try to sleep better.  I remember reading in the scriptures about Christ letting the people bring their sick to him and he healed them. I prayed so hard that night as I gave Rob to Christ that night and asked him to heal him, to comfort him, to wrap him in His arms.  I was at peace as I went to sleep that night not knowing if he would be healed but knowing Christ was looking out for him.  

Life is somewhat back to normal. We are still trying to help my parents as often as we can. I worry about them as mom has started falling and does so when my dad is gone. So she lays on the floor until he gets home.  It is so hard to watch them get older. Dad even mentioned a care center for mom yesterday. She is so weak.  I am grateful for everyday I have with them and hope there are many more. 

Cortnie continues to be on furlough and she is doing her graduate school from home.  That is a blessing in disguise as she can get unemployment pay while still doing school. She goes 100% so wears herself out. She was able to come visit for a week in June which was so great. I miss her so much. We are supposed to go see her in 10 days and I can hardly wait. The parks are open again with limited capacity so we will still get to play. I just worry about the what ifs - what if we get sick again (not supposed to if you have it once but you never know) what if we take it to her, what if she gets sick before we get there, what if she needs me, what if they goverement shuts down the airports.  I am a big worrier and need to have more faith.  I am anxious for the temples to reopen so we can start going again. We have home sacrament meeting each week and I am so grateful for priesthood holders in my home who can administer it.  The gospel does give me peace, but the virus is making it so hard to be happy, to overlook the bad.  It is hard some days to be positive.  

Hopefully this will end soon. Hopefully we can have our lives back and we can be free again.  Hopefully all the businesses and lives that have been shut down can find a way to reopen and build again. Hopefully families can get together and enjoy the holidays. Hopefully, I will be able to see that smile under the masks soon and know that our Heavenly Father is in charge and He has a plan. I just need to have faith!

What Happened to my Live?

Holy cow, I knew it had been a while since I had written anything but not a whole year.  I think about it all the time, but am so not good at this journaling  thing. I need to be better.  Right now, life is in such a chaos and my heart is very full.  Tears fall very easily and my mind goes a thousand miles a minute.  Let me start with some good stuff though - if I can remember it. 

We finally finished the house!  The basement is done and the dust is gone.  Ror worked every night after work for three or four  hours in the basement and all day on Saturday. We all helped...we nailed and painted and got dirty together so that part was nice. It was great to bond. However, the mess was horrible.  I just finallly had to give up trying to mop my floor every night.  We did hire out some help with the sheetrock and HVAC but other than that, we did it ourselves. Rob says he will never do it again. We also hired out the yard as we were tired of the dirt and just wanted it done.  It is so nice to have it all done but I still wonder sometimes why we bought such a large home.  I do love it and am proud to call it mine.  Britt, Boyd and Skyler all live here with us so that is fun too but I so worry that do not have a social life at all. Brittnie will be 30 this year and wants so badly to be married and have kids. I want that for her too. She tries to be social in her ward and do things but still has not had a date if years.  She was going to move in an apartment with some friends but that fell through so at the last minute, she joined us here too.  I do LOVE having them here, but I am afraid they are getting too settled in and won't move on with their lives. The boys did find jobs as academic coaches at a charter school close to us and they love it.  Skyler says he thinks maybe he is supposed to be a school teacher now.  Boyd still does his online art school and Britt works for Rick still. 

As for Cortnie she is still in Florida. I miss her terribly but she seems happy. She was supposed to come home this week but things have changed so we won't see her now for a couple of months. She has a boyfriend now who treats her like a queen but he is not LDS and that worries her. She wants to marry someone who has the same believes as her and will raise her children in a forever family.  She has decided to leave Disneyworld though and go back to graduate school. She was accepted to the top school in the nation - Boston University- which is great, but still so far away. And, it is so expensive. She will have so much debt when she is done. She is supposed to start there in the fall. 

We have had great memories this past year. We spent a week in Orlando with Shawn, Coby and Tina's families but we were mostly on our own. It was so great to be with Cortnie for that long and laugh with her. She says the hardest part of being away is listening to all of us when she calls as we laugh and play together. I know how she feels as I was that way for 27 years. I try to include her as much as I can, but it is hard.  She was also here for a week at Christmas time which was the best!  I always want my family near for the holidays and was glad she was able to come.  Nothing is better than having all of my children together under my own roof - and the love the fact they all have their own rooms and beds too.  The memories of sharing rooms and sleeping on air mattresses will always be there but at least now everyone can be more comfortable. 

It is still so great to be near family although we dont' do as much with them as I thought we would.  Everyone is so busy and they all have little children still at home, but it is still nice to be close.  Rob's mom is not doing great and is bed bound now so that is hard.  She has demetia really bad so does not remember things. That is hard on Rob to see her that way but we still love her.  My parents are doing okay but mom is getting weaker every day.  My awesome dad has so much patience with her and takes care of her without complaint. She has him up three or four times a night and he does all the household chores and cooking. I try to help as much as I can and we visit often.  They still try to make family events and activities even though it is hard on them.  I love them so much.

Life ....well, life right now is totally not ordinary.  There is a horrible virus that has over taken the wold - COVID19.  It started in China and has worked its way here.  It has taken the lives of so many people and is a horrible sickness that has no cure.  We have been basiclly quarantined to our homes for the past two weeks and have been asked to do it at least two more weeks. We can leave to get groceries or to the doctor, but can't visit family or meet in groups of ten or more.  We can still go on walks but have to still 6 feet away from anyone not in our home.  Missionaries are being sent home from all over the word (Brayden comes home this week) and have to quarantine for 14 days then will be reassigned someone in their home country. Restaraunts can no longer have people inside so all have curb side takeout or drive through.  Travel is disrupted....they don't want us to take planes anywhere, cruise lines have shut down ( my work was taking us on a cruise in three weeks which has been cancelled),  and Disney has closed!!  The happiest place on earth is bare right now. Cortnie is still getting paid but is just stuck at home.  That is why she will not be home this week - we don't dare put her on a place.  I have switched on online order pickup at the grocery store once a week and take food to mom and dad when I do.  We are all working from home now except for Brittnie. The schools have all closed and are doing virtual classrooms so the boys do that each day while Rob and I do our regular work. I am just so glad our jobs can be done from home. If I was in the pharmacy still, I would have to go in everyday.  It is not much fun staying home all day long though so I try to walk on my breaks.  The movie theaters and all fun places are shut down so we are basically on our own.  It is so lonely and so hard. 

To say I am not worried would be a a lie. I am not really scared but I am worried. Do I have enough food to feed my family; will one of us get sick; will Cortnie be okay so far away and if something were to happen, could I go to her; will my parents be okay; will my siblings be able to survive as some of them have lost their income....so many things to worry about it.   However, the gospel brings such peace to my heart.  I have found things in the scriptures I have not found before.  I have turned to gospel music on Sunday.  We can not have church either so we have church in our home every Sunday. How grateful I am we have the priesthood here to admisister the sacrament to us.  Next week is General Conference and I can hardly wait. We were told at the last conference that this next one would be one like no other ....well, that is for sure. There will be no conference building, no choir, and only the speakers allowed in the room. It will all be through broadcast only.  I am so grateful for President Nelson and is short videos he puts out on facebook or LDS.org that tell us to have peace and comfort in Christ. He has told us this will pass but I sure wish I knew when.  I am so ready to listen to him next week. Today has been hard.   I am the only one awake still so have church music playing, got ready for church - hair curled and dress on, but I am so weapy today.  I cry for no reason yet I feel so peacful. 

I will say, this is not fun at all.  I am trying to make the most of it and not be afraid. I am trying to be positive for my family.  It is not easy though when every where you look you see or hear about the virus.  I just am ready for it to be over  I am ready for my life back. I want to see my daughter in Florida and be able to hug her.  I want to go on vacation with my family and I want to have a huge party.  I know I need to be patient and try my best to listen to the government and stay home. They say that distancing is what will make this all go away.  It will keep spreading if we are together.  I just can't help wondering if this is the end?  Is Christ coming soon?  If so, am I ready to meet him face to face and let Him love me. To tell Him I am sorry for all the nails that were mine that were put in his feet and hands.  Am I ready and am I worthy for His hug?  I am not sure we are at that point yet, but it makes me wonder if this is what it will be like?  I just want to be happy and to be free.  I want to know that I am worthy and that my family is too. My son still will not go to church so I worry that he will be left behind.  I want us all together.

So, life right now is interesting.  I hope to stay positive and have more positive notes next time I write.  Today is a day of fasting and prayer worldwide. I pray that prayers will be answered and this will all be over quickly. Until then, we try to hold on to what we have and be thankful for it.