One Year Later

 Well, here it is one year later. One year of a very trying time in our lives. One year of watching lives change for so many people One year of worry, stress, gratitude, blessings, love and so much more. I think this past year has really made me stop to think about what I am truly grateful for and all that is mine. I am so blessed and can never thank enough my Heavenly Father for all that he is given to me.  I know he loves me. He knows who Wendi Beatty is, He knows I am not perfect and that I need Him in my life every day. He knows I want to be like Him. 

Life is pretty much back to normal for us. Rob's office closed down and they will now be working remotely from home permanently.  He enjoys not having to travel to the office, but he gets lonely in his office in the basement and does not get a chance to leave the house much.  We both have been working so many hours lately.  Hopefully, soon help will arrive and we will be able to get back to our normal forty-hour workweek. I am so grateful that he does not complain much and that we are able to provide for our family. We are so lucky to have moved and bought a home when we did. If we were trying to do it now, we would not have a home. Once again, our Heavenly Father had his hand in our lives and knew it was time to move when we did.  We are truly blessed. We have been able to pay off finishing our home and yard, one of our cars, and have extra money each month to enjoy a night out or order quick meal.  

The kids continue to thrive as well, but they are still living here. People say I should force them out as they are all adults, but I can not do that. It is not in my nature. I would love to see them date, to have more of social life, to get married and I would love to be a grandma, but right now they are still here.  I enjoy the laughter, the fun times, the game, and movie nights.  It is all just great. I am so happy!  

Cortnie is still in Florida doing school and trying to work. She is so worn out and can hardly keep up, but she insists that she will work through the next three weeks. She will then have the summer off of school so will just work and then when school starts in the fall, she will quit Disney. That means we have to go lots more times!  We are actually flying out next weekend to surprise her and give her some "homesickness times".  She has said for us not to come as she is too busy, we are going anyway. She will still have to work while we are there, but we could really use a break too. We have not been able to do much due to COVID.  I am so excited to see her. 

We are actually going on a trip to Mexico (just Rob and I) in May with my work. They are paying for us to go for five days to an all -inclusive and we have to pay nothing. They are even paying us while we are there.  Then in September, we are supposed to go to Scotland and London. The deposit has been made so hopefully it will be open up to travel and we can go. We are even staying in a Castle while we are there as our niece is getting married there.  I want and need to travel and getaway.  I am so excited to get out of here for a while and hope that we can stay healthy. They have a vaccine now for this virus, but Rob does not want to get it yet as it is all so new, and not many studies on it.  

Life is good. I just finished teaching my relief society lesson and my heart was so touched. I am so thankful for my Savior and all that he is given to me. I know that he loves me. I know that he is my friend, Without him, I am nothing. I could not handle everyday life and I could not have my family forever. I still pray every day that Skyler's heart will change and he will want to come back to the church.  I want him in our heavenly circle.  My life is my family. Everything I do, I do for them. I would walk to the moon and back for each one of them.  I give up sleep, my time, and so much more but I will never complain. They are who I am and I am so blessed in every way. I can never say thanks enough.  

Will We Ever get Back to Normal

 Another seven months has gone by and I wish I had exciting news to write.  The world is still in chaos. The lock downs have been lifted, but life is not the same.  Masks are required to be worn in public so you can never see anyone smile. I miss that. Lots of places have opened back up, but the capacity is limited so you have to book reservations or wait in long lines.  The virus cases have started to rise again so the government has asked that if you get together, you do not meet with more than ten people. That kind of destroys family gatherings and with the holidays coming up, that makes me sad.  I miss our family and I miss getting together.  I am so glad that I at least have my children and I will say, I believe we have become closer the past few months.  

Yesterday was Halloween which is Rob's favorite time of the year.  I wanted it to be fun for him. We spent time as a family at an activity center where we got bruised and broken climbing and crawling on things that our somewhat older bodies are not as used too. Today I am very sore.  Then we went to my parents so once again Rob could do their swamp coolers as the cooler weather is coming on and they needed to be covered. We splurged and bought dinner then had fun passing out candy. Kids need a life.  Our neighborhood decided we were still doing trick or treat.  It was so good to see everyone.  And it was a great day. 

I am back to work at the office but Rob is still working from home.  We are doing pretty good as far as paying our bills off and I feel so good about our move. I am truly happy although I still miss our friends.  I will say, my worse fear came to pass. I have no idea where or how we got it, but we got the virus. Rob had symptoms first like a bad head cold. After three days he decided to get tested and that is when Britt and I started symptoms.  Needless to say, we were all positive.  We were banned to our house for at least ten days.  We had people bring us groceries and ask how we were.  Rob was the worse.  He could hardly get out of bed. The rest of us were okay. It was like a head cold.  Britt and I worked from home during the whole time but poor Rob, could not do anything. He had it all - body aches, sore throat, cough, fever, loss of smell, lack of energy. I will say that it makes you so very tired. We were all going to bed very early every night. Rob really scared me though. I have never seen him so sick.  He would not eat, could hardly move and the cough was so bad.  The biggest cause of this virus is people ending up on ventilators in the hospital for months.  There was one night I thought for sure I was going to have to take him to the ER.  He managed to get through and the next day had a chest xray.  There was not infection but the lung capacity was diminished so they put him on steroids.  It took him a good three weeks to start feeling better and even know, we sometimes all get so tired.  It was not fun. I was afraid I was going to lose Rob and I cried so hard in my bed at night. I was sleeping in a separate room to allow him to try to sleep better.  I remember reading in the scriptures about Christ letting the people bring their sick to him and he healed them. I prayed so hard that night as I gave Rob to Christ that night and asked him to heal him, to comfort him, to wrap him in His arms.  I was at peace as I went to sleep that night not knowing if he would be healed but knowing Christ was looking out for him.  

Life is somewhat back to normal. We are still trying to help my parents as often as we can. I worry about them as mom has started falling and does so when my dad is gone. So she lays on the floor until he gets home.  It is so hard to watch them get older. Dad even mentioned a care center for mom yesterday. She is so weak.  I am grateful for everyday I have with them and hope there are many more. 

Cortnie continues to be on furlough and she is doing her graduate school from home.  That is a blessing in disguise as she can get unemployment pay while still doing school. She goes 100% so wears herself out. She was able to come visit for a week in June which was so great. I miss her so much. We are supposed to go see her in 10 days and I can hardly wait. The parks are open again with limited capacity so we will still get to play. I just worry about the what ifs - what if we get sick again (not supposed to if you have it once but you never know) what if we take it to her, what if she gets sick before we get there, what if she needs me, what if they goverement shuts down the airports.  I am a big worrier and need to have more faith.  I am anxious for the temples to reopen so we can start going again. We have home sacrament meeting each week and I am so grateful for priesthood holders in my home who can administer it.  The gospel does give me peace, but the virus is making it so hard to be happy, to overlook the bad.  It is hard some days to be positive.  

Hopefully this will end soon. Hopefully we can have our lives back and we can be free again.  Hopefully all the businesses and lives that have been shut down can find a way to reopen and build again. Hopefully families can get together and enjoy the holidays. Hopefully, I will be able to see that smile under the masks soon and know that our Heavenly Father is in charge and He has a plan. I just need to have faith!

What Happened to my Live?

Holy cow, I knew it had been a while since I had written anything but not a whole year.  I think about it all the time, but am so not good at this journaling  thing. I need to be better.  Right now, life is in such a chaos and my heart is very full.  Tears fall very easily and my mind goes a thousand miles a minute.  Let me start with some good stuff though - if I can remember it. 

We finally finished the house!  The basement is done and the dust is gone.  Ror worked every night after work for three or four  hours in the basement and all day on Saturday. We all helped...we nailed and painted and got dirty together so that part was nice. It was great to bond. However, the mess was horrible.  I just finallly had to give up trying to mop my floor every night.  We did hire out some help with the sheetrock and HVAC but other than that, we did it ourselves. Rob says he will never do it again. We also hired out the yard as we were tired of the dirt and just wanted it done.  It is so nice to have it all done but I still wonder sometimes why we bought such a large home.  I do love it and am proud to call it mine.  Britt, Boyd and Skyler all live here with us so that is fun too but I so worry that do not have a social life at all. Brittnie will be 30 this year and wants so badly to be married and have kids. I want that for her too. She tries to be social in her ward and do things but still has not had a date if years.  She was going to move in an apartment with some friends but that fell through so at the last minute, she joined us here too.  I do LOVE having them here, but I am afraid they are getting too settled in and won't move on with their lives. The boys did find jobs as academic coaches at a charter school close to us and they love it.  Skyler says he thinks maybe he is supposed to be a school teacher now.  Boyd still does his online art school and Britt works for Rick still. 

As for Cortnie she is still in Florida. I miss her terribly but she seems happy. She was supposed to come home this week but things have changed so we won't see her now for a couple of months. She has a boyfriend now who treats her like a queen but he is not LDS and that worries her. She wants to marry someone who has the same believes as her and will raise her children in a forever family.  She has decided to leave Disneyworld though and go back to graduate school. She was accepted to the top school in the nation - Boston University- which is great, but still so far away. And, it is so expensive. She will have so much debt when she is done. She is supposed to start there in the fall. 

We have had great memories this past year. We spent a week in Orlando with Shawn, Coby and Tina's families but we were mostly on our own. It was so great to be with Cortnie for that long and laugh with her. She says the hardest part of being away is listening to all of us when she calls as we laugh and play together. I know how she feels as I was that way for 27 years. I try to include her as much as I can, but it is hard.  She was also here for a week at Christmas time which was the best!  I always want my family near for the holidays and was glad she was able to come.  Nothing is better than having all of my children together under my own roof - and the love the fact they all have their own rooms and beds too.  The memories of sharing rooms and sleeping on air mattresses will always be there but at least now everyone can be more comfortable. 

It is still so great to be near family although we dont' do as much with them as I thought we would.  Everyone is so busy and they all have little children still at home, but it is still nice to be close.  Rob's mom is not doing great and is bed bound now so that is hard.  She has demetia really bad so does not remember things. That is hard on Rob to see her that way but we still love her.  My parents are doing okay but mom is getting weaker every day.  My awesome dad has so much patience with her and takes care of her without complaint. She has him up three or four times a night and he does all the household chores and cooking. I try to help as much as I can and we visit often.  They still try to make family events and activities even though it is hard on them.  I love them so much.

Life ....well, life right now is totally not ordinary.  There is a horrible virus that has over taken the wold - COVID19.  It started in China and has worked its way here.  It has taken the lives of so many people and is a horrible sickness that has no cure.  We have been basiclly quarantined to our homes for the past two weeks and have been asked to do it at least two more weeks. We can leave to get groceries or to the doctor, but can't visit family or meet in groups of ten or more.  We can still go on walks but have to still 6 feet away from anyone not in our home.  Missionaries are being sent home from all over the word (Brayden comes home this week) and have to quarantine for 14 days then will be reassigned someone in their home country. Restaraunts can no longer have people inside so all have curb side takeout or drive through.  Travel is disrupted....they don't want us to take planes anywhere, cruise lines have shut down ( my work was taking us on a cruise in three weeks which has been cancelled),  and Disney has closed!!  The happiest place on earth is bare right now. Cortnie is still getting paid but is just stuck at home.  That is why she will not be home this week - we don't dare put her on a place.  I have switched on online order pickup at the grocery store once a week and take food to mom and dad when I do.  We are all working from home now except for Brittnie. The schools have all closed and are doing virtual classrooms so the boys do that each day while Rob and I do our regular work. I am just so glad our jobs can be done from home. If I was in the pharmacy still, I would have to go in everyday.  It is not much fun staying home all day long though so I try to walk on my breaks.  The movie theaters and all fun places are shut down so we are basically on our own.  It is so lonely and so hard. 

To say I am not worried would be a a lie. I am not really scared but I am worried. Do I have enough food to feed my family; will one of us get sick; will Cortnie be okay so far away and if something were to happen, could I go to her; will my parents be okay; will my siblings be able to survive as some of them have lost their income....so many things to worry about it.   However, the gospel brings such peace to my heart.  I have found things in the scriptures I have not found before.  I have turned to gospel music on Sunday.  We can not have church either so we have church in our home every Sunday. How grateful I am we have the priesthood here to admisister the sacrament to us.  Next week is General Conference and I can hardly wait. We were told at the last conference that this next one would be one like no other ....well, that is for sure. There will be no conference building, no choir, and only the speakers allowed in the room. It will all be through broadcast only.  I am so grateful for President Nelson and is short videos he puts out on facebook or LDS.org that tell us to have peace and comfort in Christ. He has told us this will pass but I sure wish I knew when.  I am so ready to listen to him next week. Today has been hard.   I am the only one awake still so have church music playing, got ready for church - hair curled and dress on, but I am so weapy today.  I cry for no reason yet I feel so peacful. 

I will say, this is not fun at all.  I am trying to make the most of it and not be afraid. I am trying to be positive for my family.  It is not easy though when every where you look you see or hear about the virus.  I just am ready for it to be over  I am ready for my life back. I want to see my daughter in Florida and be able to hug her.  I want to go on vacation with my family and I want to have a huge party.  I know I need to be patient and try my best to listen to the government and stay home. They say that distancing is what will make this all go away.  It will keep spreading if we are together.  I just can't help wondering if this is the end?  Is Christ coming soon?  If so, am I ready to meet him face to face and let Him love me. To tell Him I am sorry for all the nails that were mine that were put in his feet and hands.  Am I ready and am I worthy for His hug?  I am not sure we are at that point yet, but it makes me wonder if this is what it will be like?  I just want to be happy and to be free.  I want to know that I am worthy and that my family is too. My son still will not go to church so I worry that he will be left behind.  I want us all together.

So, life right now is interesting.  I hope to stay positive and have more positive notes next time I write.  Today is a day of fasting and prayer worldwide. I pray that prayers will be answered and this will all be over quickly. Until then, we try to hold on to what we have and be thankful for it. 

Time Flies By

Holy Cow...it is hard to believe that another five months has gone by without my writing our events.  I need to do better at writing and putting my thoughts into words. I forget about it plus life is busy.  This past few months has been no exception.

Probably the biggest news is that we bought a house!!  It is about three times as big as my old house and the house I probably should have had when all of my kids were still home.  However, Boyd and Skyler are living here now and Brittnie spends the night quite often. It is so nice to have beds for them instead of the floor or couch.  We also have visitors that come spend a few days so the extra room for them is nice too. In fact, we will have friends from Bullhead three times in the next six weeks!  It is really nice to have my family come over and be able to put up extra tables in the house and still be able to walk around without tripping over each other. There is no way I could have seated 30 people in my old home.  I love the fact that it is mine.  I appreciate so much my parents letting us stay there for way longer than we thought, but we finally have our own space again.  I was able to get some new furniture and pictures, Rob has a workshop (at least soon it will be finished as we are getting ready to start finishing the basement), we have a 3 car garage and this week we will have grass again.  It is in a quiet neighborhood and fairly close to work....not as close as Bullhead but a lot closing than most people who live up here.  Rob travels about 20 minutes each way which is way better than an hour as most due.  I love my big kitchen with my double ovens and my HUGE pantry.  The utilities are so much cheaper here and so far, we are good. I will say it comes with a house payment three times the amount too which I am still a little bit nervous about, but with our raises and retirement, so far we are doing okay.  How grateful I am for my many blessings. Everyone asks me what is the best part about being here and I immediately say being close to our family. We can go to graduations, ordinations, farewells, get togethers - all things we were not able to do for the past 27 years. I love having my kids close by but how I wish Cortnie was closer too.  She is still living her dream though and as much as I miss her, I am happy for it. Besides, she still gets us free tickets :-).  We are still trying to fit into the ward and have made a few friends, but the worse part about it all is missing them so badly.  I wish they were here too then it would be perfect.

We have spent lots of time the past few months getting the house ready and moving in.  I am one that does not disorganization so must of my boxes were emptied within the first three days.  I wanted my home put together.  Work has been awesome letting us have the time off we need.  I am so happy with our jobs and that we have great work schedules.  My boys both lost their jobs though which is so heartbreaking for a mom when they call to say " I just got fired".  They say they are looking and I pray that they are. They are just being very picky about what they want to do. The bad part is, they are almost out of money so they need to not be so picky anymore and find something.  I am the mother that worries so much about her kids.  I just want everyone to be happy.

We had an awesome time on our cruise to the Caribbean.  That was our family Christmas gift last year.  We had not seen Cortnie since Christmas so being with her was the best!  I miss her so much.  We fly to Orlando and went to the park for a day laughing and playing and having a great time.  I am so glad my kids like each other and we get along so well.  The park was  a long day though as we got in way too late the night before so did not have much sleep.  We did not even stay for the shows or fireworks this time.  The next morning we drove to Fort Lauderdale to board the Royal Caribbean Independence of the Seas. Our last boat was nice but this one was better. It was HUGE!  I could not believe how big it was.  It held over 4000 guest plus all the crew.  It had so much to do just on the boat. We spent the days there on the water slide, the game room, shopping and just relaxing playing games. Skyler even ate real food in the dining room. Of course, it was the exact same thing for the five nights but that is okay. By the time we got to night three our waiter knew exactly what to bring him yet he was always saying he was going to bring him Ceasar salad or something funny like that.  Sky would have steak, two helpings of mashed potatoes with a side of gravy and ranch, and all the rolls they would bring him. He also had fruit as an appetizer and actually ate the cantaloupe and grapes after making funny faces with them on his face. He gave the rest away. The last night he ate 8 rolls on top of it all. Oh yeah, he also had chocolate cake and ice cream for dessert.  We laughed so much mostly at dinners and just had fun.

We spent two days off the boat in Cozumel and Costa Maya. Costa Maya has a huge waterpark that includes zip lines and the works. We played there all day going down slides that we so scary (some I would not do twice like the one where you were enclosed the whole time and I could not breathe). The zip lines were awesome especially landing in the water on the last one. Poor Britt had to have a worker come out and rescue her twice and she did not make it to the end of the line.  They finally figured out it was due to a faulty piece of equipment. She looked so funny just hanging there up in in the trees.  On Cozumel we rented these little open air cars and took a tour of the island.  We say an old Mexican village were the mamita actually made us homemade tortillas. Rob, Cortnie and Boyd went snorkeling and we got to see (and sample which we did not) Tequilla.  I was so afraid that Skyler would not like that tour, but he even said it was great and he had a good time.  We spent a couple hours shopping here too and once again, everyone was happy and patient.

All too soon it was over.  Our flight home was horrible as I picket one with two stops and long layovers. I will not do that again nor will I rent a car that is off the airport  - I will get one right there. It was hard to leave Cortnie but nice to come home. I could have easily stayed another few days though.  There is nothing more fun to me than spending time with my family and hearing them laugh.  Two weeks after we got home, we booked another trip to go to  Orlando with Tina, Shawn and Coby for a week in October.  I so wish it was sooner as I am ready to go now.  Those trips are fun too but not as fun as going by ourselves. We will do some things with them, but some we will do on our own too.  Cortnie will also be home the end of July for a few days too so that will be really nice.  She has not seen our home yet and loves to see her relatives.

As for everyday life, we work and we come home.  Most nights I am by myself as the guys are all off playing their games so I go for long walks or watch something on TV. It is somewhat boring sometimes but I am grateful to have time to relax.  Now that we are starting the basement, I think it will be a little bit different at night but we will see.  My hope is to have a bedroom for Cortnie when she comes in July but that might be pushing it.  I am loving the cooler weather as all of our friends say it is over 100 degrees there already and we have yet to hit 80.  However, there has been so much rain this year it is crazy.  I told Rob we needed to build an ark and not a basement.  I think it might be past that now though which would be nice. I don't mind it but I would like my yard finished and the rain is stopping that.  Life is good. For the most part I am happy.  Somethings I still really miss but I love the freedom. The down part of my job is I sit all day long so I have put on lots of weight. I try to still eat good but I don't walk around all day like in the pharmacy. That part is very depressing for me.  I want to start to run again and hopefully that will help

Anyway, time to get ready for church.  Another bad part of living here with so many wards...church is at 12:30 which is so late so the mornings are really long.  I am just glad that I have a church to go to though and can take the sacrament each week. My goal is to start going to the temple at least once a month too.  I need to convince Rob of that one.  It makes my life complete. 

What has happened part 2

It has been so long I am not even sure where to start.  I sit here in my parents basement wondering what we have done and long for that peace I felt last March.  Many times I wonder if we have done the right thing and if we will ever find friends or a house again.  I am so blessed to be close to my children though and to have them come over all the time, but I miss my friends and ward so much it hurts.  I miss having a place of my own and my own stuff.  I miss a bedroom that I can walk around in without bumping into Rob. I miss the warm weather and I miss my "church babies".  Tonight, I am feeling somewhat down and I find myself feeling that way more and more. I so long for that peace and assurance that we are where we are supposed to be.  There is no going back so I have to make the most of it. I try to be happy, to be patient, to smile and to be outgoing but it is hard.  Why do some dreams hurt?  Why do some plans seem so hard and so far away?  Why do we have to struggle and doubt and wonder?  I know it is for my growth, but I still can not help but wonder if this was really our plan.  I will keep praying for help and peace - and for a home!!

It has been almost 7 months since we left our home in Bullhead to start this new journey.  It was so hard at first.  After working day after day for years, it was so hard to sit and do nothing. I read books, I took naps, I applied for hundreds of jobs and I took care of my mom who entered the hospital five days after I got here.  I knew I was here when I needed to be. She was in a care center for a month and I was able to help take care of her and dad. The week after she came home, the job opportunities and interviews started to come.  It was so hard to go to interviews and fill out applications, to be turned down and to try again.  However, after two months we finally had some luck and landed jobs - not the best paying jobs but we had jobs.  We had no idea how we were going to be able to afford a house but it was a start. Houses here are about three times as much as our house there was.  Rob took a part time job at night working from home and soon found a computer tech jobs during the day. He did the both and still was not making even close to what he had there. I took  a job with a payroll management company after turning down two others. It just felt right. It was a small company and I was a person not a number.  I felt a part of the team and I was/am happy.  Since then I have been asked to move into the accounting department which came with a nice raise.  I have a good boss who understands family time and is very patient.  Rob has since been hired on at Oracle and doubled his salary.  It is actually more than he was making as  a teacher which is nice.  He still insists on doing the night job for a few more months.  We finally feel like we can afford to buy a house although the thought of how much it is going to be is killing us. We go out every Saturday looking and come home discouraged cause we can't afford or can't find.  I finally got a realtor on our side last week so hopefully we can find something now. Our list is not too long..close to work and the kids.  That is almost impossible but we are working on it. I want my kids to come over all the time and brighten my home.  Hopefully soon we can find or build our dream home.  One that will have the Spirit in it and will bring years of happiness to those involved.  I am very ready to get out of the basement - to have more freedom, to cook what I want, to eat when I want, to have my treadmill, to go on a diet (30 pounds back on since we moved), to have some privacy. My parents are great and I am very grateful.  They cook our meals and shop for food. We have been able to pay off some huge debts and hopefully will have the last one paid off before we move. 

The hardest part of being here is the ward.  It is so much different and we miss our close knit ward so badly.  We miss the babies we used to hold and the ones we used to play with in nursery.  We miss the friends who always came to our house for dinner and felt like a part of our family.  We miss the closeness there and the  feeling of being wanted and needed.  We do teach primary here now so that has helped. We love our kids and they make us feel welcome and needed.  It is just hard....it really is. 

In October of last year, we lost Rob's dad.  In fact, he passed away on Cortnie's birthday which was so hard for her as she was all alone anyone. She found out on social media before I had a chance to call her.  It was actually such a peaceful time. It is hard to watch mom suffer from missing him, but it is so nice to know he is happy again. He had not been out of bed for almost a year. He went peacefully too with no pain.  The funeral was a bonding time, a reunion, and a time for many tears.  Our kids had never lost anyone that they loved so it was all new to them. We explained to them the night before what would happen with the viewing and the funeral.  I won't forget them standing in front of the casket with tears streaming down their cheeks as they said good-bye. The hardest part for me is always when they close the casket.  Rob actually gave the family prayer and did a great job.  We cried as he and his siblings gathered around one more time before the lid was closed.  The funeral itself was full of laughter and tears.  Uncle Berl kept telling Cortnie to stop crying as he tried to talk. The grandkids were asked to sing Families Can Be Together Forever - at least try to sing. It went from child to child as they each sang then had to stop as they cried.  I think it affected Skyler the most. As he came off the stand, he basically fell into his father's arms and just cried - right there in the aisle.  It was very touching.  The boys were pale bearers and got to have the honor of carrying their grandfather to his resting place. Everyone gave Skyler and Spencer a bad time as they are smaller and told them they had to be in the middle so grandpa was not dropped on his head. The day was beautiful as we went to the cemetery.  Chad dedicated the grave then the pale bearers were asked to remove their roses and place them on the casket.   Mom then was given a white rose to place there.  I will never forget Rob walking up to the casket either and placing his hand on it.  He quietly said "bye dad".  We then all gathered around as his  family in a group hug.  He was a  great man.

About a month after the funeral we got a phone call from Skyler saying he could not do college anymore.  He had not been back since the funeral and was failing his classes. He asked if he could move here with us until he figured things out.  So we moved him here on December 15th - to our small basement that we call home.  He lost his scholarship and I think his pride.  I keep hoping he will find a job and do something but as of yet, he has not. I still have a strong feeling he is supposed to be here with us though if only to find the church again.  I am trying to be patient and to be loving.  I ask him every week to come to church but not yet.  He has done some things with kids from home who are going to school here and they are great kids.  We just keep praying for him to find his way.

That takes us to Christmas.  What a wonderful time!  Cortnie was able to come home for five days so Boyd and Brittnie moved in as well. We had air mattresses, sleeping bags, suitcases all in our little basement.  In the middle of it all, we had a Christmas tree. It was small and skinny but I was able to put out a few ornaments and try to make it Christmas. I missed spending hours decorating and bringing the spirit but we had something. All of my stuff stayed in boxes this year which was not fun.  We laughed, stayed up way late, ate lots of junk, wrapped presents, sang, went to movies....it was just great to be together.  I could have not had one present on Christmas and been just fine as I had my family.  Everyone seemed happy as we were able to give them some nice gifts (no house payment right now remember) and a big family gift - a Caribbean  cruise.  We used the vacation money I got when I left Smiths (five weeks worth) to buy a nice gift for them. We go the end of April and I wish it was tomorrow. I mean it did snow today about a foot so why not go where it is warm and sunny.  They all seem excited about it and I can't wait.  There is nothing I enjoy more than spending time with my family and I love vacations. 

So, where are we now? What has happened?  We are treading water hoping to stay afloat as we swim the tides that come our way.  We are trying to stay happy, positive, patient, humbled, and faithful.  I am just so glad that the ride I am on is with my best friend.  We have our moments of not being so patient or loving as we are in a small house and stressed, but we are in it together.  I know that our prayers will be answered as they should be and  our new journey will start. 

What has Happened?

Has it really been six months since I have last written?  Oh my goodness life has changed in the blink of an eye and I need to write it down. However, it might take me all night. I don't have that kind of time right now so will try to summarize the best I can but still keep detail.  Our lives are about to take a major change. The ride is fast and scary and as it gets closer I am wondering if I even want to get on.  So much  has happened....

We are so extremely blessed to live in this free country. I am so grateful for internet, telephones, computers, texting, pictures, family.  I get the chance to talk to my children every day. sometimes it is only a text but the ones I cherish the most are the video calls. I love seeing their faces and their smiles.  Cortnie is the one who videos us the most and I am so glad.  I feel so alone for her many days as she does not have much of a life. Her new job schedule is such that she goes to bed at 7 each nigth to be up by 4:50 to go to work.  She has to have her sleep or does not function well so she basically works all day, comes home for dinner and heads to bed. I am so proud of her though. She did not get her dream job but she was hired by the "mouse" as she puts it.  She is officially working at Disneyworld as a seamstress but hopes to move up into designing. We miss her so much. All the kids are far away but we get to see them more. 

However, our family dream vacation finally happened.!  We went to Hawaii for 9 days.  I was under a budget but just did not care. I wanted to spend money on the kids and to just have fun. That we did. We ziplined, kayaked, hiked, ate, swam in the ocean. scuba dived, went to church, walked in the rain, shopped and ate a very expensive meal right on the edge of the beach.  It was so awesome. We had a beautiful condo, the plane ride was long but nice and we laughed. We were so exhausted when we got done.  Our flight home was delayed almost 5 hours so we got into California about 2:00 a.m. only to be back to the airport by 9. It was rough couple of days but we had a blast.  I will never get over the scenery that is there. It is so pretty and so peaceful.  We had a few quirks with siblings caring enough about each other that they always wanted to be together and sometimes that did not happen. But for the most part, life was pure heaven for that week plus.  I would have given anything to stay there longer and away from the life we have created for ourselves here. 

In the mist of all the chaos, we had our final child graduate. Skyler graduated with honors and high grades on May 19th.  He so did not want to go to graduation.  He appeased me by letting his dad take graduation pictures of him while Cortnie was home and we even sent out announcements. He has received a full ride scholarship to Southern Utah University in Cedar City, UT.  He will go there for a least one year before moving on.  No family was able to come to his graduation but I tried to make the day special for him.  A week after graduation is when we went to Hawaii and then five days later he took off to Connecticut to surprise his online gaming friend for five days.  He was so excited to go there and surprise Jai.  They had a blast.  They hardly ever went to bed and played all day long. He bragged that he only showered one time the entire time he was there but I did not find that amusing.  I am just so glad he go the chance to go.  Then two days ago we took him to Cedar City to start his adult life. I was not ready for him to go yet and really wanted him to wait another month.  However, other circumstances made it that he wanted to go now. He is hoping to find a good job before all the other students come back and start earning money now.  He needs to as he will have bills and responsibilities now.  I was so not ready to let him go.  I just do not feel that he is ready.  However, he has assured me that he is and that he will be fine.  I did find out last night though that he has been crying the past couple of weeks due to being scared and worried.  He is all alone in his apartment for at least a  month. He seems excited about it now, but after a few days I think he will not like it. It is not fun to be alone.  I cried a lot yesterday as I have done with the other three kids too.  I just miss them so much.  Last night I went into his room before bed as I have done every night for 18 years to give him his kiss. I knew he was not there but I went anyway. The hole in the heart is big and the prayers will never cease.  I pray he will be okay. 

As for us, another HUGE change is about to occur.  We are moving in five days!  It still seems so unreal to me that it is really happening and I am truly scared.  Rob had some major changes with the school district this year and they wanted him to teach at a different school with a different subject.  He has been at his school for 27 years.  He was not even asked if he would go but was told he was.  Our plan was to have him teach one more year than retire and move.  Well, when all of this happened we looked into retirement now.  The difference in the pay was not enough to have him stay another 4 months let alone a year.  He decided to retire now.  We both prayed and felt so right with our decision. We cleaned and purged and put the house on the market. It sold within 8 days for more than we were asking.  Everything went so right so fast we knew and know there is a reason we are moving now.  We have not figured all of that out yet as we have not been able to secure any type of job (and yes we will still need to work some) nor will we have a home to call our own.  We want to wait to find out which area of Salt Lake or Utah County we will be working in before we buy a house. So for now, all of our precious stuff will go in a storage unit while we live in my parents basement. I am not excuted about that at all. I am thrilled to finally be able to live by our family again but hopefully it won't be long before we have a home again. I plan on making this my last home so want it to be my dream home. We might just build so that it is.  We told work we were leaving which was hard.  I have worked in this pharmacy fro 22 years.  I feel like I have made it what it is today. This week we say good bye to all of that.  I would like to stay with Smiths but I do not want to do retail pharmacy anymore if I can help it.  I want to be in an office and have my same 8 -- 5 job Monday through Friday.  Our house is all packed and ready to go. I need to pack clothes, and bedding .  We have beds to take down and a truck to load.  We had to talk in church today which was very difficult as well. I did pretty good until the end when I tried to tell everyone thank you for all they have done for us.  We have been in this ward for 27 years.  To say I am scared is an understatement.  I am worried about jobs, a home, my children, our health, and so much more. However, when I feel overwhelmed I remember that peace we felt about three months ago when we made this decision.  If it was not right our house would have not sold nor would the retirement be the same.  We are taking a huge leap of faith and together crossing a bridge into a new pathway of life.  I pray we can afford it as it costs so much more to live there. I pray we can make new friends and be happy. I pray we will be safe as we travel this next week to our new destination. I pray for peace as we embark on this new journey. 

The ride is going to be wild. I will have to let you know how it really goes after we embark on it. 

Best Holidays Yet!

So if you know me very well, you know that I LOVE the holidays. They are my favorite time of the year and I can hardly wait for them to come. I  love decorating, cooking, baking, shopping, eating, hosting parties, giving presents....just the whole ordeal.  I wish that we could have the holidays all the time.  I love the spirit that is in the air as people seem to be nicer to each other and more kind.  I love the fact that Christ is talked about so much and that we are given the chance to sing praise to him. Nothing beats a Christmas song.  If I still had my own car to drive, I would play Christmas music year round.  The absolute best part of the holidays though is family. I will gladly give up holiday pay at work to be able to spend the holiday with my family.  Nothing beats it and this year was no different. 

I think as we get older that we tend to value the  relationships we have with our families more.  We value the time we can spend with our parents as their age is starting to affect their frail bodies and health concerns abound.  It is hard to only see them every so often and realize that they are getting more frail each day.  I cherish the times I can spend with our parents. I love the father's blessings I can get from my dad.  I love talking to my mom about recipes and laughing at her funny comments.  However, the thought comes to my mind every time we pull away about whether I will see them again.  I wish so bad we were close enough to help them more and take care of them.  I am afraid by the time we finally get there, they might not be around anymore.  So, I value parent time. 

As my children have gotten older and have moved away, I miss them in my home so much.  I know that they have their own lives to live but I wish they were closer.  I am thankful beyond belief for technology that allows me to talk to them everyday.  They all call to say good night every night and that makes me feel a part of them.  I wish I could be there to tuck them in.  Many nights I sneak into Skyler's room after he is asleep to pull the covers up tighter to to kiss his head.  I don't have much longer to be able to do that either as he will be leaving my home this summer.  It breaks my heart but I am so proud of all of them.  How grateful I am that we are able to bring them home for the holidays and have our home full again.  We were so lucky to have them all here this past year and I value it so much. 

Rob and I were talking after Christmas about how this seemed to be one of the best holidays ever.  I can not pin point a reason why but it just was.  I love the noise in  my home  - from the teasing to the laughter to the tears.  I love the excitement in the air as my "old" children still plan ways to get us out of bed on Christmas morning to pen gifts.  They are just like little children.  We had a great Christmas this year as always and the kids seem to be more thankful now that they are older.  They appreciate the sacrifice a little bit more.  They might not, but I would give up all the gifts if I had too just to be able to have them in my home.   To me, Christmas is not about the gifts but about what I can give - to my family, our friends and to our Savior.  It is all worth it in the end to sacrifice so much. 

It was harder this year to tell them all good bye as we have seen each other so much the past few months.  There are no plans on the horizon until June to see each other again although I am sure we will.  I need my fix before then. I think the hardest one was putting Cortnie on the plane all alone to head back to Florida - all alone.  She does not have the luxury of going to see her sister or brother whenever she wants or to hang out with cousins. It was hard too cause at that time she did not know her future.  Her plans for Disney were falling apart and she was not offered a job at the end of her internship.  She really had nothing to go back for but to finish her one week of her internship.  She has since landed a temporary only job which hopefully will turn into full time but that also means she has lost her privileges to go to the parks for free and to get us in.  She goes to work then home to an empty apartment every night.  My heart breaks for her as she tries to understand Heavenly Father's plan for her.  She is applying for graduate schools now which is the last thing she wants to do but feels like she is supposed too.  Many times I have thought about how I would have given up but she continues to press on and to have faith. What an example she is to me. 

I was lucky to get to spend an entire weekend with her in Florida before Christmas.  We had so much fun even though we were dead beat tired.  I am hoping to do it again if she is still there.  I have had and will have some valuable alone time with each of my children this year and it is the best. I feel like my relationships with each of them has grown stronger and stronger.  How grateful I am for that.  I am so thankful for family.  For the best friend I could have ever asked for to be by my side as we make this journey together.  I am grateful that it will last forever and ever and one day we can have our own dream world and mansion.  Many changes are coming our way in the next couple of years if things work out as we would like. I believe we are going to have to draw closer together and work harder together to make it all happen.  I am just so glad  I get to do it with him. 

Cherish each day. Cherish each phone call and laughter and smile and hug.  That is what I have learned as I have grown older.  I am excited for the future and pray that I get to be here for many more years. I still have weddings to plan and grandbabies to hold.  I can't wait!!