And Now It's Over

Summer is officially over when the school bell rings and the homework begins.  I so was not ready for school to start this year.  I was enjoying just working and coming home to my boys each night - not having to worry about anything else.  We had a busy summer but it was so much fun.  I love to vacation and get away from "normal life".  I love to be with our families.  Nothing means more to me than spending time with them. I miss having my daughters home so much that I will gladly go to Utah now any chance that I get.  I keep trying to figure out a good reason to go to Virginia too, but those keep getting shot down.  However, I hope to be there next summer to bring my son home.

Today is a special day.....today is the day I became a mother.  It is hard to believe that 25 years ago a little girl was laid in my arms with big brown eyes and lots of brown hair.  At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to cherish her and take care of her always.  I had such dreams for our family and still do.  I have been fortunate enough to have that same experience three more times since then.  Nothing can compare to a new baby in your arms. The pain of bringing that child into the world vanishes the minute that happens.  I sometimes wish I could go back to that stage in my life. There are so many things I have learned that I would do different.  I miss my little children and the fun that we had.  I feel like I have missed out on so much of their lives with having to work.  Due to work I was always so busy at night that I did not give them the time or attention that they deserved. I did my best - that was all I could do - but many times I feel like I could have done more.  How I loved the dance recitals and soccer games; the choir concerts and pink curlers; the squeals of receiving a new toy or new game.....memories is what they are now. Hopefully my children have good memories too.  But today, I celebrate my daughters birth. I know that she always dreamed that she would be married and have a child of her own by now. How it breaks my heart that she does not.  I want to buy wedding dresses and put flowers in her hair. I pray night and day that her prince charming will come along and steal her away from me....actually, both of my girls.  Someday......

Our last summer vacation was so awesome.  We did not really do anything which was great.  The temple wedding of Devin was wonderful and so was Brinleys baptism.  Two ordinances that perfect a life.  I always love having Taysha run into my arms when she sees me....Didi, Didi she yells.  I hope we have that special bond her whole life.  I loved being in my parents home and just talking to them or walking mom into the church knowing she does not go much.  I ate so much ice cream and junk food while we were there but it was worth it.  I loved to see the smiles on the faces as we bonded together.  Brothers and sisters; parents and children.  Of course, spending time with my daughters was priceless. They had to work while we were there but every chance we could, we were with them.  It was fun to light of fireworks and to BBQ burgers and dogs.  I so miss living near my family. You would think that after 24 years that I would be used to it but I am not.  My heart longs to be with them so badly.  I wish we could move this year.  Four years seems like so far away.  I wish Rob would study for his computer license so we have a job to turn too in four years.  I am really holding to the hope that we will leave here then. My biggest fear is that by the time we do, it will be too late. I want to be close to my mom but her health is so bad.  My parents are aging and I wonder what four years will do for them. I really long to be close to my sister so we can just go out to lunch one day or jog together in the park.  Dreams are a wonderful thing and I pray mine will come true soon.  I just have to hold on.....and keep dreaming.

Boyd is doing great.  Last week was his hump day - one year in the field.  When I look back on it, the year itself has gone by quickly yet it seems like forever since I had those huge arms around me and hearing him say "I love you mom".  How I miss that.  I really hope the next year will fly by.  I want to go pick him up yet if that is not our fate, I just look forward to that grown boy walking down the stairs in the airport. I  can hardly wait to see his face and hear his voice.  I am so proud of him.  Last year at this time I was constantly in prayer that he would make it just to Virginia.  He has made it - and he is happy.  He has his struggles with companions and investigators, but he loves his mission.  He has grown so much. You can hear it in his testimony and see it in his pictures as another 1 1/2 inches has been added to his height.  I am so proud.....it is so hard to have him gone but I would never trade his experience for anything (kind of like Skyler with EFY  - he comes back a different person and one that has a stronger testimony.)

Life is good....I sometimes get very lonely as my boys here at home play video games every night and I am left alone.  I should be out visiting my sisters but I can't do that every night.  Instead, I am trying to lose the weight I put back on so my treadmill and I are good friends again.  I am happy. I am tired of working so much but hopefully that will be changing soon too. I want to feel like I can take a day off of work when my boys are home (four day school week for them now) and enjoy some time with them.  We are truly blessed....even after all the car problems and money spent this summer....how can I complain about all that I have been given.  Thank you Heavenly Father for my family, for my health, for my job, for the gospel...for LIFE.  Here is to many more years of the same.