What has Happened?

Has it really been six months since I have last written?  Oh my goodness life has changed in the blink of an eye and I need to write it down. However, it might take me all night. I don't have that kind of time right now so will try to summarize the best I can but still keep detail.  Our lives are about to take a major change. The ride is fast and scary and as it gets closer I am wondering if I even want to get on.  So much  has happened....

We are so extremely blessed to live in this free country. I am so grateful for internet, telephones, computers, texting, pictures, family.  I get the chance to talk to my children every day. sometimes it is only a text but the ones I cherish the most are the video calls. I love seeing their faces and their smiles.  Cortnie is the one who videos us the most and I am so glad.  I feel so alone for her many days as she does not have much of a life. Her new job schedule is such that she goes to bed at 7 each nigth to be up by 4:50 to go to work.  She has to have her sleep or does not function well so she basically works all day, comes home for dinner and heads to bed. I am so proud of her though. She did not get her dream job but she was hired by the "mouse" as she puts it.  She is officially working at Disneyworld as a seamstress but hopes to move up into designing. We miss her so much. All the kids are far away but we get to see them more. 

However, our family dream vacation finally happened.!  We went to Hawaii for 9 days.  I was under a budget but just did not care. I wanted to spend money on the kids and to just have fun. That we did. We ziplined, kayaked, hiked, ate, swam in the ocean. scuba dived, went to church, walked in the rain, shopped and ate a very expensive meal right on the edge of the beach.  It was so awesome. We had a beautiful condo, the plane ride was long but nice and we laughed. We were so exhausted when we got done.  Our flight home was delayed almost 5 hours so we got into California about 2:00 a.m. only to be back to the airport by 9. It was rough couple of days but we had a blast.  I will never get over the scenery that is there. It is so pretty and so peaceful.  We had a few quirks with siblings caring enough about each other that they always wanted to be together and sometimes that did not happen. But for the most part, life was pure heaven for that week plus.  I would have given anything to stay there longer and away from the life we have created for ourselves here. 

In the mist of all the chaos, we had our final child graduate. Skyler graduated with honors and high grades on May 19th.  He so did not want to go to graduation.  He appeased me by letting his dad take graduation pictures of him while Cortnie was home and we even sent out announcements. He has received a full ride scholarship to Southern Utah University in Cedar City, UT.  He will go there for a least one year before moving on.  No family was able to come to his graduation but I tried to make the day special for him.  A week after graduation is when we went to Hawaii and then five days later he took off to Connecticut to surprise his online gaming friend for five days.  He was so excited to go there and surprise Jai.  They had a blast.  They hardly ever went to bed and played all day long. He bragged that he only showered one time the entire time he was there but I did not find that amusing.  I am just so glad he go the chance to go.  Then two days ago we took him to Cedar City to start his adult life. I was not ready for him to go yet and really wanted him to wait another month.  However, other circumstances made it that he wanted to go now. He is hoping to find a good job before all the other students come back and start earning money now.  He needs to as he will have bills and responsibilities now.  I was so not ready to let him go.  I just do not feel that he is ready.  However, he has assured me that he is and that he will be fine.  I did find out last night though that he has been crying the past couple of weeks due to being scared and worried.  He is all alone in his apartment for at least a  month. He seems excited about it now, but after a few days I think he will not like it. It is not fun to be alone.  I cried a lot yesterday as I have done with the other three kids too.  I just miss them so much.  Last night I went into his room before bed as I have done every night for 18 years to give him his kiss. I knew he was not there but I went anyway. The hole in the heart is big and the prayers will never cease.  I pray he will be okay. 

As for us, another HUGE change is about to occur.  We are moving in five days!  It still seems so unreal to me that it is really happening and I am truly scared.  Rob had some major changes with the school district this year and they wanted him to teach at a different school with a different subject.  He has been at his school for 27 years.  He was not even asked if he would go but was told he was.  Our plan was to have him teach one more year than retire and move.  Well, when all of this happened we looked into retirement now.  The difference in the pay was not enough to have him stay another 4 months let alone a year.  He decided to retire now.  We both prayed and felt so right with our decision. We cleaned and purged and put the house on the market. It sold within 8 days for more than we were asking.  Everything went so right so fast we knew and know there is a reason we are moving now.  We have not figured all of that out yet as we have not been able to secure any type of job (and yes we will still need to work some) nor will we have a home to call our own.  We want to wait to find out which area of Salt Lake or Utah County we will be working in before we buy a house. So for now, all of our precious stuff will go in a storage unit while we live in my parents basement. I am not excuted about that at all. I am thrilled to finally be able to live by our family again but hopefully it won't be long before we have a home again. I plan on making this my last home so want it to be my dream home. We might just build so that it is.  We told work we were leaving which was hard.  I have worked in this pharmacy fro 22 years.  I feel like I have made it what it is today. This week we say good bye to all of that.  I would like to stay with Smiths but I do not want to do retail pharmacy anymore if I can help it.  I want to be in an office and have my same 8 -- 5 job Monday through Friday.  Our house is all packed and ready to go. I need to pack clothes, and bedding .  We have beds to take down and a truck to load.  We had to talk in church today which was very difficult as well. I did pretty good until the end when I tried to tell everyone thank you for all they have done for us.  We have been in this ward for 27 years.  To say I am scared is an understatement.  I am worried about jobs, a home, my children, our health, and so much more. However, when I feel overwhelmed I remember that peace we felt about three months ago when we made this decision.  If it was not right our house would have not sold nor would the retirement be the same.  We are taking a huge leap of faith and together crossing a bridge into a new pathway of life.  I pray we can afford it as it costs so much more to live there. I pray we can make new friends and be happy. I pray we will be safe as we travel this next week to our new destination. I pray for peace as we embark on this new journey. 

The ride is going to be wild. I will have to let you know how it really goes after we embark on it. 

Best Holidays Yet!

So if you know me very well, you know that I LOVE the holidays. They are my favorite time of the year and I can hardly wait for them to come. I  love decorating, cooking, baking, shopping, eating, hosting parties, giving presents....just the whole ordeal.  I wish that we could have the holidays all the time.  I love the spirit that is in the air as people seem to be nicer to each other and more kind.  I love the fact that Christ is talked about so much and that we are given the chance to sing praise to him. Nothing beats a Christmas song.  If I still had my own car to drive, I would play Christmas music year round.  The absolute best part of the holidays though is family. I will gladly give up holiday pay at work to be able to spend the holiday with my family.  Nothing beats it and this year was no different. 

I think as we get older that we tend to value the  relationships we have with our families more.  We value the time we can spend with our parents as their age is starting to affect their frail bodies and health concerns abound.  It is hard to only see them every so often and realize that they are getting more frail each day.  I cherish the times I can spend with our parents. I love the father's blessings I can get from my dad.  I love talking to my mom about recipes and laughing at her funny comments.  However, the thought comes to my mind every time we pull away about whether I will see them again.  I wish so bad we were close enough to help them more and take care of them.  I am afraid by the time we finally get there, they might not be around anymore.  So, I value parent time. 

As my children have gotten older and have moved away, I miss them in my home so much.  I know that they have their own lives to live but I wish they were closer.  I am thankful beyond belief for technology that allows me to talk to them everyday.  They all call to say good night every night and that makes me feel a part of them.  I wish I could be there to tuck them in.  Many nights I sneak into Skyler's room after he is asleep to pull the covers up tighter to to kiss his head.  I don't have much longer to be able to do that either as he will be leaving my home this summer.  It breaks my heart but I am so proud of all of them.  How grateful I am that we are able to bring them home for the holidays and have our home full again.  We were so lucky to have them all here this past year and I value it so much. 

Rob and I were talking after Christmas about how this seemed to be one of the best holidays ever.  I can not pin point a reason why but it just was.  I love the noise in  my home  - from the teasing to the laughter to the tears.  I love the excitement in the air as my "old" children still plan ways to get us out of bed on Christmas morning to pen gifts.  They are just like little children.  We had a great Christmas this year as always and the kids seem to be more thankful now that they are older.  They appreciate the sacrifice a little bit more.  They might not, but I would give up all the gifts if I had too just to be able to have them in my home.   To me, Christmas is not about the gifts but about what I can give - to my family, our friends and to our Savior.  It is all worth it in the end to sacrifice so much. 

It was harder this year to tell them all good bye as we have seen each other so much the past few months.  There are no plans on the horizon until June to see each other again although I am sure we will.  I need my fix before then. I think the hardest one was putting Cortnie on the plane all alone to head back to Florida - all alone.  She does not have the luxury of going to see her sister or brother whenever she wants or to hang out with cousins. It was hard too cause at that time she did not know her future.  Her plans for Disney were falling apart and she was not offered a job at the end of her internship.  She really had nothing to go back for but to finish her one week of her internship.  She has since landed a temporary only job which hopefully will turn into full time but that also means she has lost her privileges to go to the parks for free and to get us in.  She goes to work then home to an empty apartment every night.  My heart breaks for her as she tries to understand Heavenly Father's plan for her.  She is applying for graduate schools now which is the last thing she wants to do but feels like she is supposed too.  Many times I have thought about how I would have given up but she continues to press on and to have faith. What an example she is to me. 

I was lucky to get to spend an entire weekend with her in Florida before Christmas.  We had so much fun even though we were dead beat tired.  I am hoping to do it again if she is still there.  I have had and will have some valuable alone time with each of my children this year and it is the best. I feel like my relationships with each of them has grown stronger and stronger.  How grateful I am for that.  I am so thankful for family.  For the best friend I could have ever asked for to be by my side as we make this journey together.  I am grateful that it will last forever and ever and one day we can have our own dream world and mansion.  Many changes are coming our way in the next couple of years if things work out as we would like. I believe we are going to have to draw closer together and work harder together to make it all happen.  I am just so glad  I get to do it with him. 

Cherish each day. Cherish each phone call and laughter and smile and hug.  That is what I have learned as I have grown older.  I am excited for the future and pray that I get to be here for many more years. I still have weddings to plan and grandbabies to hold.  I can't wait!!

Family Time!!

I sit here tonight so excited for the upcoming holidays and the sweet peace that they bring. It is my favorite time of the year.  More than the decorations or the baking or the lights or the tree....my favorite thing ever is family time!  I miss being around family and even more having my children here with us.  Nothing can compare to the laughter and the hugs and the closeness of family.  Heavenly Father must have known how important it was to not be alone so he gave us families.  Mine truly is the center of my universe. I would do or give anything to anyone of them.  I am so glad that we are sealed together for eternity from my parents down to my children.  I want every chair full around my table all the time - not just at holidays.  I truly can hardly wait to see everyone again.

This past few months has been a whirlwind. It seems like we are always so busy yet life has been really good.  I was able to fly to Utah three times in one month to be with Brittnie and Boyd.  I surprised Brittnie by showing up at her doorstep on her birthday with balloons and gifts. She had no idea that I was coming so to see her smile was awesome. We went to breakfast with Boyd then headed to meet Tina and Ashlyn. We spent the entire day shopping, eating at her favorite Cheesecake factory then watching a live performance of one of her favorite shows Dancing with the Stars.  Worn out and tired we headed home but it was so worth it.  Bonding is the way to go. 

I spent two more weeks up there helping Boyd and Brittnie move.  Brittnie's move was quote eventful as we ran into many issues from unclean apartments to being locked out of her current place with all of her clothes still inside.  We managed to pull it off and I will say her room was much more organized and clean when we got done.  Boyd's was an easy move as he did not have tons of stuff. We moved him out of my parents into an apartment and he has awesome roommates. He works hard to pay the price to live there but never complains. He is trying so much harder in school this year and wants to succeed so badly.  I could not be more proud of him. 

I always feel guilty when I take off and leave Skyler home with Rob or by himself.  I should not but I do.  I only have a few more months at home with him before he will be gone too.  Then I am stuck with just my best friend.  Skyler is also doing better this year in school - or at least he is fooling me better. He loves choir and is in the top group at school.  He has great friends and seems so much happier this year.  What will I do with another empty chair - be sad of course but proud too.

Cortnie is living her dream.  I miss her like crazy.  I miss all my kids but I guess her being that much farther away seems like she is gone more even though she is not.  We surprised her as a family on her birthday too. She thought just Brittnie was coming to visit her but the scream and look on her face at the airport when she saw us all was great!  And yes she even started to cry.  We had been planning this trip for months and I thought for sure she had caught us the few times we said something and she knew...but she had no clue. We spend five wonderful days together as a family.  We all dressed up for the big Halloween party and even went trick or treating.  We rode rides and ate junk food and walked many miles, and had little sleep but it was so worth it.  It was hard to leave her there but knowing that family time is coming again soon made it easier.  In fact, I am going out for a mom's weekend here in a couple of weeks. I am so excited to finally see what she has been working on and to have it debut in the disney parks on Black Friday.  She has applied for another internship and jobs there so she will most likely be staying in  Florida. That alone breaks my heart but I am so glad she is happy.

As much as I hate the fact that my kids have grown up, I could not be happier for them. Rob and I are very lucky parents to have four beautiful and fun children.  They make us smile and worry and laugh and cry - but nothing could be better.  I thank God everyday for everyone of them.  Almost 30 years ago we started this union of ours and it has been the best 30 years ever.  I made the best decision the  day I married Rob for eternity and that choice has been even better every passing day.  Nothing can beat family time!!

Exciting Changes

Changes...good or bad they will always come and we need to be ready for them.  Other times I wish we could change things even faster and make it a perfect world.  I have so many dreams and hopes that I really wish I could make happen every day, but I have to hold on to those dreams and have faith that one day dreams will come true.  Life is good though.  We are healthy, happy and have many extras in life.  I wonder why we are not farther ahead in life and I truly worry if we will ever be able to afford another home, but those dreams will come true one day as well.   I will have my dream home with a large kitchen and bedrooms to spare with places for people to come visit and want to stay.  I will have a place where grand kids can run and be wild while jumping on grandpa.  I will have a place where my kids will always want to bring their families....but no matter what, I will have a place where the Spirit of Christ will dwell and it will be my little bit of heaven on earth.  Dreams....they are the source of my reality right now.  I have so many hopes and dreams coming up that they seem to constantly invade my mind - sometimes in the wee hours of the morning sleep is taken from me as I ponder how I can make them all come true.  They all involve my family and them being happy.  They involve being together with lots of laughs and hugs and smiles.  Families are forever and I am so grateful for the one I have - my children, my husband, my parents, my siblings, my in-laws  I am thankful for it all. 

This past few months as brought more changes which have brought challenges yet happiness to our family.  I am so proud of each of my children and hope they know that. I love them beyond measure.  Skyler had a rough year at school as he choose to not be the  straight A smart student this year. We had many a fights about his homework and his grades.  He is way too smart to have C's in his classes, but that is the path he choose.  He did tell me at the end of the year that he made a huge mistake and it should not have been that way. I just pray that he has learned from it and will try harder next year.  He can get so many scholarships and opportunities if he will put forth a little bit of effort. We seem to be somewhat closer as we do not argue as much anymore. His testimony is still wavering but seems to be getting stronger. He told me has has challenged himself to read the Book of Mormon before school starts - I pray that he will. EFY is so worth it to me to spend lots of money to send them too.  Hopefully it helped him. He has started saying he is going on a mission next year so hopefully that will stay the same as well. He is my last one at home and I want to enjoy this last year with him - but sometimes he does not want to enjoy it with his "mom".  I love him anyway.

Boyd finished his first year of school and had much better grades the second time around.  That first year is always the hardest.  He had fun in some of his classes and also found out the school had him in the wrong program. So, needless to say, he took a bunch of classes that he did not need to take.  I am glad I noticed it before he took a bunch more but now he is on the right path. The sad thing is he could be so much farther ahead.  He had a rough moment though when he was let go of his job for not meeting all the expectations they wanted him to meet with out the proper training.  I think in a way it was a relief for him. He seems so much happier now.  He came home right after that for his birthday and stayed an extra week with us.  As we took him home, he finally had two interviews scheduled for another job.  He was given one of those the next day. It is similar to what he was doing but he says the company is so much better and they have trained him well. His training is now over so we shall see. I pray it will work for him as he also signed a lease to move into an apartment in the Fall and get out of my parents home.  He needs more friends and to be involved so I am happy with his choice. It also means he will need lots more money and this job will do that.  I miss him so bad. The ten days he was here was so special and wonderful.  How I wish he was around more. 

My heart is breaking for Brittnie as it seems that her dreams are so far away. She is trying so hard to do what is right and reaching out to everyone. She is friendly and kind but seems like things never go her way. Her lease is soon up for her apartment but she has had the strongest impression that she is to stay there in the ward she is in. She had a room all lined up with a good friend and then that friend decided she did not want to pay the increased rent so she left - after  Brittnie had signed her contract.  So now she has no choice but to stay but she still feels like that is the path for her.  I pray that it is the right one. She will be one of the oldest in her ward so not many chances for dates. Of course, if she would just ask someone out it would be nice.  She needs to make the first move. Her roommates she has right now are not very nice to her and boss her around a lot. They are gone a lot so she is all alone with is not fun either. Her best friend (Cortnie) moved out about two weeks ago so she now no longer has her sister around. She broke my heart last week when she told me she cried herself to sleep after another bout with her roommates and feeling so alone.  Boyd is doing his best to try to make her feel happy and lately she has done more with her ward so that is nice.  Hopefully she will soon come to find out why she is supposed to stay. She feels stuck and like her dreams never come true - but one day they will. 

Cortnie is the biggest change of all.  Her dream since she was just a little girl was to work at Disneyland and to create costumes.  She wants to make a dress for Miss Piggy. This past year she worked her tail off to finish up school. She was costume manager for three plays at school plus worked full time. There were many days she did not sleep at all. She finally walked across that stage and got her diploma in April and graduated with an extra award and medal - the outstanding costume designer at BYU.  wow...what an accomplishment. That is not the big news though. She started to apply for an internship at the Disney parks back in February. She put her heart into the portfolios she submitted and the essays she wrote.  She was pleased to have an interview with  Disneyland and made it to the final one.  Then one morning she got a surprise call from Disneyworld asking if they could interview her that afternoon.  She of course said yes.  That interview went very well as well with the lady calling back to ask for more pictures of the costumes she has made.  Cortnie told her she would send them after work. Well, not 20 minutes later, she gets a phone call from the Disney recruiter letting her know that she is being offered both internships - a very first in history for the parks. No one had ever been offered two internships on the same day before. The choice was hers as to which one she would take.  My heart pleaded for Disneyland as it was so much closer but i know she would be going to Florida.  That internship was the one she really wanted and would give her the chance to create many more designs.  In the long run that is the one she took.  She finished up her last month at her job, did yet another play as costume manager, and then we were on our way to Florida.  Life was so full of unknowns as we headed there but with faith it would all work out.  She has been blessed with two roommates who are very outgoing and include her in on things.  She has a good student ward; she was given her name badge by Mickey Mouse himself; and she has been to the muppet land already.  Life is so good for her.  She is so happy.  Rob and I had the chance to fly out with her to help her get settled and ready to go. We spent a couple of days just playing in the parks and enjoying time with her.  It was so special.  We were able to help her set up her apartment and be with her when she first entered the doors of the casting shop.  However, leaving her there was not something to be desired.  It was so hard and i felt like my heart would break in two.  Part of my world was going to be so far away. Yes I did it before when she went on a mission, but the best part is I can talk to her everyday. Today we skyped with her and saw her beautiful face.  She is living her dream and hopes to continue it with a job when this one is over.  I want her to be happy but I wish she was closer to home.  However, seeing her loving it is all worth it. 

As for me, I work and take care of my sweet husband and best friend ( of course  Skyler falls into that bracket at well). I cherish small moments we can spend together so much. I love for date nights and for work to be through for the  day just so I can see him again. I dont' know if he realizes he still makes my heart flutter after all of these years.  I so pray that we will have many more together and that we can have many more dreams.  Things are in the works for hidden surprised coming up for our children and for the chance to be with them.  I am so thankful we have jobs that allow us to spoil them and to see them.  How I pray that they will know that I love them and cherish them so much. They are my dream.  From the time I was a little girl, my dream was a wonderful family to take care of. So I guess you can say that I am living my dream after all. 

So Much Missed Time

Wow....I have been thinking I need to update my blog but I did not realize it has been so long since I did.  Now my mind is racing trying to figure out what I should write about and what has been going on.  Life is always busy but I will say it seems a little bit slower. I spend most nights wandering the house or fighting the urge to eat cause I am bored. Rob and Skyler play their games every night so I am kind of left alone.  It really stinks sometimes but I try to not let it bother me.  Weekends like this one do though as it was conference weekend and Saturday night was always girls night out while they watched priesthood session.  I miss having my kids home so much.  I miss quiet talks with them and just time spent together.  We have been fortunate enough to see them every month this year so that has been great but it is still hard to have them away. 

The holidays were wonderful.  We were all together again for the first time in five years.  My adult children still act like little kids and get so excited about Christmas.  They want to get us out of bed way early in the morning and still like to jump on us to wake us up. This year Christmas was on Sunday so we wanted to go to church.  I was shocked that Skyler wanted to wait until after church to open presents but was very glad to do so. We did still have Santa come before church though.  Going to church on Christmas morning really helps you remember the true meaning of Christmas.  It was such a great day and I just basked in having them all here.  They all got spoiled rotten as usual and were very happy with their gifts.  Cortnie sticks out more than any of them.  I had purchased a Miss Piggy puppet that I found out of the blue. She loves Miss Piggy.  It was so fun to watch her open it (and it was the last gift that she grabbbed to open too).  As she lifted the lid she squealed then pulled her out of the box. As she did so, tears were rolling down her cheeks as she now had her very own puppet.  Her dream has always been to make a costume for Miss Piggy.  I am so proud to say that she is on  her way there. She applied for five internships through Disney and is in the final running for one of them. She has made the cut out of thousands of applications to get to the last stage.  She is so excited and we are so proud. Of course we want her to get it more than anything in the world but just to get this far is incredible. If she gets it she will work in the costume shop at Disneyland for seven months.  Her final interview is Wednesday and I am praying so hard for her.  This is her lifelong dream. She graduates from college in four weeks as well and then it is on to better things. I hate to see her give up her job as it is such a good high paying job but it is not what she wants to do forever.  She has become accustomed to the money though.  I was thinking earlier tonight that our children are the first to graduate and serve missions on Rob's side of the family and I could not be more proud.  I am truly blessed with some great kids.

Brittnie is still working hard for Uncle Rick and trying so hard to be involved in her ward. She was told in a blessing awhile ago that if she would get involved she would be blessed with her dreams. She will be 27 this year and i know her heart is broken that she is not married and has children. That is all she has ever wanted. My heart hurts for her when she tells me of friends getting engaged or wishing she had a date.  I wish so bad I could find her a wonderful young man and see them married in the temple.  I can not wait for the day to buy a wedding dress and be the mother of a bride.  I cry if I think about it too much as I wonder now if it will happen as she gets older each day.  I plead with our Heavenly Father to help her but can't do it for her. She loves her ward and is very involved - has even had parties at her home, but still no young man will ask her out.  Pretty sad that the dates both of my daughters have had can be counted on less then two hands. Please, Father, hear their prayers.

Boyd is home and trying to adjust to college life.  He has found an apartment for next year which I am grateful for. I am very grateful for my parents taking care of him but he needs to be more involved. My biggest worry is that he does not know his roommates and my girls have not had much luck with that.  He needs someone who is outgoing and will invite him along.  So many people make fun of Boyd but he is the most kind hearted person I know.  He will do anything for anyone at any time.  He is struggling with work and on his final probation.  One more strike and he is out of a job. I pray so hard every day that he will not mess up again. he can't afford too. He has also struggled with classes and is having to retake one of them.  His grades were not good last semester and he almost lost his scholarship.  He applied again to get into BYU but did not make it.  My heart aches for him as well as i know what his dreams are. It hurts to be a mother and watch your kids dreams slip away.  He is doing better at school now but still needs a social life.  How I love him!

Skyler is my 17 year old that thinks he is an adult.  He did finally ask me to help him get a job at my store so he is working now. He will tell you he hates the job but he does like the money.  He is going through this stage where mom is annoying and should not question him about anything. His grades have dropped and he was my straight A student. He is no longer valedictorian.  He got his ACT scores the other day and they are a 30. That is off the charts.  He can get into any college he wants with that kind of score and a high GPA. He could get great scholarships as well.  However, he has decided he does not need to work as hard so his grades are not the best. If i question him or ask him about it, he gets very upset with me. I used to have such a close relationship with him but it seems to be gone. However, it has gone over to Rob now so that is a good thing.  At least he will talk to him.  I just wish he would get his desire back for school cause I see opportunities slipping away. 

Two weeks ago we took Skyler back for the surgery to remove the bar from his chest.  The weeks before surgery were not very pleasant here at home.  He finally told me  he had been having night mares about the surgery for four months.  He hated to go to sleep at night cause he knew they would start. He was not getting any sleep so was sleeping in class. He was afraid he would not wake up from being put to sleep or would not be able to breathe right again. He as very scared.  The morning of the surgery I was calm as could be. I felt the love of our Heavenly Father and knew all would be okay.  We waited forever then they took my little boy away.  We saw him next in the recovery room. He as crying from pain and even said a few choice words.  He also had tears on his cheeks saying that he could actually breathe like a normal person and he did not think he would be able too.  Skyler had also told us a few months ago that he did not think the church was for him and he wanted to not be forced to go but decide on his own. We asked him to keep coming to church and to say his prayers.  That fight has stopped somewhat but I know he is still trying to figure it all out.  When he awoke from his surgery the one think he asked for was a prayer.  Deep inside he knows the truth. One funny thing he said was that he did not like his dad too much....he was drugged up.  He slept most of the next day then was perfectly back to normal.  I am proud to say all is well and he is doing great.

Rob and I are so enjoying watching our children grow up. There are many days I wish they were young again and we could do thing different. I wonder if we had lived somewhere else would they have better social lives; would they be married or have different views of the church; would we be grandparents? I know we can't change anything but we can hope for a bright future.  It is hard to believe that in only one and a half years we will be empty nesters.  I am not looking forward to that at all.  Rob and I went to Hawaii with my family in January. It was so great to have my parents there with us.  They were not able to do much but just having them around was so awesome.  Rob and I spent a lot of time with them so our trip was a little bit different this time then the last time we went. Hawaii is so beautiful and so peaceful.  I did not want to come home other than to get back to my kids.  We have talked a lot about it and are trying hard to save up to take our children there next year.  It will be our last big vacation before Skyler goes on his mission (hopefully). We want them to see the beauty that is there and to just relax and have fun.  Who knows, maybe we will have to book an extra space just in case some big event happens before then.  We are trying hard to pay off bills so we can move in a couple of years. I got a nice big raise at work and have discovered that almost all of it goes to the government for taxes.  We were paying stuff off so well too but now it is tight again.  My life in Bullhead has been good but I am so ready for a change.  Work is getting to me and I just want to be with my family.  I am so afraid by the time i finally get to be close to my parents, one of them will be gone.  I cherish every time we can see them though and love them so much. I am so grateful that families are forever.  Life is good.....and the future looks even better.  

Hoildays Are Here

It seems like the time flies by in between my writings but life can be so busy. I know we are told to write in our journals every day and I was so good at that when I was young.  I was good at that when I had young children as I would even write in theirs. I keep up photo albums and I try to stay on top of things, but sometimes I am just too tired or just do not feel like writing it all down for the day.  I am human and that is okay. No matter what though I want people to know that I am grateful for all that I have. The gospel is so true and through it I can be with my family forever.  there is nothing I want more than that.  My family is my life and it is so hard to be apart from them. I look forward to the day when I can live closer to my siblings and especially my children. My parents are getting older and I pray I can be close to them before they are called home.  I am accused many times of not doing anything for myself but all for my family - but that is life to me. All I ever wanted was to have a family and to take care of them. I love our trips, our laughs, our time together. There really is nothing more. I value times in church with them and special occasions too.  My family is my life. I will gladly give up sleep, exercise, my time and all my love for each and every one of them.

There is not a whole lot exciting going on in my every day life right now.  Work is so crazy and so short handed. I have been pulling extra hours every week and some weeks work six days. I am tired and the money is not worth it to me, but I am putting all the extra money away for my trip to Hawaii in January with Rob.  All of my siblings and parents are going as well. I am so excited to go but I now we will not be able to do as much as last time. However, just time away with Rob and my family is so exciting. It can not get here soon enough.  I am also way excited for the holidays to come. Next week we are going to Utah to spend Thanksgiving with our kids and then they come home for Christmas. We have not had the holidays all together for four years.  I am so thrilled to have them this year.  I am even going to wait to decorate my tree until they are here cause I want them to help.  I want them to always feel like this is their home and they can be apart of our traditions.  I told them the only thing I want for Christmas this year is family time and laughter.  They could wrap years worth of that and put it under the tree and i would be perfectly happy.

Skyler and I have been having some battles lately that concern me. He is trying to find his place in this big world and it is so hard for a teenager. I think the xbox has taken over his life though and that bothers me. His grades are super bad and he will not be able to pull a's this time I don't think.  It hurts too as he is so smart and could get great scholarships.  I have backed off some but still push him to at least do the work.  He has a sweet girl friend who is super nice and keeps him in line for the most part.  I just wish he would care again. I miss my little boy and it is hard to let the last one grow up.  He has said some very hurtful words that i try to forgive but that is hard too as they are remembered.  I just pray that he will come around. He says no mission for him and no church either - but the church is not an option as he lives in my home.  Somehow, we need to keep him focused.  Pray it will all work out.

The biggest news of right now came as a surprise to us this past week. Brittnie called on Wednesday night and asked me to put her on speaker phone so dad could hear as well.  She then told us she had a meeting the night before with her stake president.  She has decided to go take out her endowments at the temple. I have been waiting for this day for a long time.  I know that she has wanted to wait until she gets married, but it is the right time for her. She did this all on her own and wanted it to be a surprise for us.  She is going the day after Thanksgiving.  I am so excited and cant wait to get there now. I will take her shopping for her temple clothes and dress. I can hardly wait to see her in white.  Three of my four will then be endowed with one more hopefully to go.  I want my family together in heaven too.  I will share about her day when I get home.

I love this time of the year!  I love the spirit in the air and I love to give to those around me.  I can hardly wait to see my children and to spoil them.  My husband is my best friend and we try to do more together each week.  I am so grateful to have him in my life.  I pray that we will continue to be happy and to have peace in our home. I pray the holidays will be safe for us as well. 

Dreams Do Come True

Wow....it has been so long since I wrote anything and so much has happened since then.  First and for most - my son is home!  I can not express the joy of having him back in my arms and feeling of his love. I miss writing to him each week and the closeness that we feel, but I am so glad he is back (well, he is back and gone off to school. ) 

The day that Boyd came home was such a long day as his flight did not get in until 5:00 p.m.   I puttered around the house doing the last minute cleaning and shopping while i waited for the time to tick by.  Finally we were on our way to Las Vegas to the airport.  I was so excited and could not really believe it was happening  Skyler wanted to know why we went so early and I told him that is was cause we did not want to miss the plane coming in.  We had about 30 minutes to wait and it went so slow!  About ten minutes before he got to the gate, the board showed that his plan had arrived.  We had a huge banner that Rob had made for him but there were only three of us there - Rob, Skyler and I. The girls were not able to get off of work. However, we were able to video the hugs live on facebook.  We had those cute girls standing next to us who were waiting to be chaperones for others flying in. They kept us laughing. One of the girls had a huge voice and was so loud. She kept welcoming people to Detroit or California just to make them laugh. She saw our banner and wanted to know what it was for. We told her Boyd had been on a mission and we had not seen him for two years.  She then started looking for him with us. Rob and Skyler kept giving me problems as they would tell me to settle down or not look up the escalator. Every time i saw church shoes I would get excited.  Finally we saw him getting off the farthest escalator.  You could hear all of us shot there he  is and the ladies heard us.  Rob tried telling me to hold still, but forget that. I dropped my side of the banner and took off on a slow run.  I wanted to run right into his arms but he was just laughing at me and kept right on walking !  Our new friend had stepped over to hold up the other side of the banner and began shouting "welcome home Boyd" at the top of her lungs. It was not until we got back to the banner that he finally gave me a hug. Big brat - I wanted that way early but it did not matter, I had him now.  I had my boy home! 

We talked the entire way home and through dinner. Boyd did most of the talking and it was so great to see him and hear his stories. He wandered around the house like he did the day that he left trying to soak it all in. He was home and was not going anywhere.  The next morning the tornado began.  I spent a few hours taking him shopping to get him clothes as we were going on a cruise in two days. He only had missionary clothes so needed something else to wear.  Later that day, Chad and LeAnn came with their kids to spend two days with us.  We were supposed to have a good time but remember all of our bad luck, well it happened again.

For some reason Leann wanted to go jet skiing in Lake Havasu instead of here in our town. I was shocked as it was over an hour drive each way plus hauling the boat and jet ski.  We did not get to Havasu until after lunch and problems started then.  Our truck that kept shutting off and not starting (but the shop said it was all fixed) quit again as we went to put the jet ski in the water.  It was going no where.  Then the boat got overheated and and had to be hauled back to Bullhead.  Rob and Chad took off with the boat while I tried to get the insurance company to send a tow truck. It was 120 out side and no water near the truck.  After about four hours, the truck was on its way home and we were waiting for Rob to come back with the other one. It was after 10 by the  time we got home and i still had to pack for our trip. LeAnn was tyring to help by offering to go to a hotel but we told her to stay as she was not in the way.  I was up until about 2 that morning packing.  The day before was behind us and we were going on a cruise with just my kids!!

Well, all does not end there.  We got a notice from the airline that our flight was delayed by three hours which meant we would miss our connecting flight in Phoenix. I called the airline to find out there was nothing avaialble as there had been a huge computer problem earlier in the week.  We finally found two tickets on the last flight out from Vegas.  I needed four. She told us she could put us on overbook which meant we took our chances.  And, since the seats were not guaranteed i had to pay for the new seats even though I had free ones to begin with - $1200.  I could not beleive it but what was I to do.  I paid it and we headed right to Vegas. It was first come first serve on the tickets so we went four hours early.  We were lucky enough to get on the flight and finally we were on our way.  It was a horrible day with fights from in-laws and hurt feelings but we were finally going (and yes, I did get my money back for the tickets) 

We have never been on a cruise before but I would go again tomorrow.  It was the best vacation we have had in a long time and totally different than anything we had ever done before.  We were all so excited. The rooms were tiny and the boat was a little bit rocky but we got used to that.  We took off with all of us out on deck and the breeze blowing through our hair. We were headed to the Bahamas.  We were able to eat when and what we wanted, to stay up as late as we wanted, to shop and spend lots of money (in the arcade to say the least - boys!).  It was just so awesome.  The best part of the boat was dinner time.  It was a fancy set up so you had all the formal dinnerware and plates. Skyler had never seen anything like it and wanted to know why he had three forks and they placed the napkin on his lap.  We laughed so hard.  Our waitress was so funny and grew to love us like we loved her.  The food was crocodile legs and escargo plus other weird stuff.  Skyler just wanted potatoes and gravy so he would order two entrees that both had potaotes. By the third night he learned he could order just the potatoes - and lots of rolls.  Padina (our waitress) kept us stocked up on those. Jay was the floating bartender and always asked us what we wanted to drink.  We told him we did not drink and he told us we would have no fun.  It was the best part of the boat - dinnertime. I cried the last night as I was so overwhelmed. Not a care in the world had been ours for fives - all the problems left behind and just my family. 

Our excursions were great as well.  We went to Freeport and to Nassau.  We spent one day at the back on kayaks and riding the waves.  Of course there was shopping too. The next day we went to the Atlantis water park.  It was huge!  We went on a few slides but the best part was swimming with teh dolphins. We got to squeeze into these wets suits which caused lots more laughs and head out into the water. We kissed, fed, patted swam and rode the dolphins.  It was so much for that excursion but so worth it.  To see all the smiles on the kids faces and the love that was there. It was that way the entire trip.  We had just the best time ever. 

The day after we got home my family came. They were here for Boyds homecoming. We had a nice court of honor for Skyler to get his Eagle and he even seemed proud of it.  I know I am way proud of him for getting it.  Skyler and I had to talk with Boyd that day which was not nice of the bishopric. Moms are supposed to sit in the audience so they can beam and cry.  I kept my talk short and sweet so we could hear Boyd.  I did take my place in the audience after I spoke too. I was amazed at the words I was hearing coming out of my son's mouth.  He had changed so much. He talked of how scared he was to go but that he was so glad that he did. He stood by the Savior for two years and taught of his truths.  I so wish he could stay that pure forever. He did bear his testimony in Spanish which brought tears to many eyes - especially his dad.  Our boy was now a man,

We were able to spend almost three weeks with Boyd before telling him good bye again.  It was time for him to go to school.  I took more time off of work and headed to Utah with him.  We flew up as he did not have a car and had events planned for five days to get him started at school.  We spent the first morning at orientation for freshman which was just awesome!  I could have done without it. Then we headed to his apartment.  Well, we toured the place the summer and i was so excited for him to live there and have tons of friends to be with.  We walked into his apartment though and both felt sick. It was such a disaster - no paint on all the damaged walls, pills on the floor, meth smell in the carpet, mold around the toilet - no way was he going to live there.  His mattress was paper thin with holes in in and probably bugs.  We told the office who got pretty upset with us for questioning things and told us it was student housing not the marriott hotel.  I was pretty upset.  Student housing should still be liveable.  We went home for Boyd to think about it and the next day went back to get out of te contract. We had to find someone to sell it to which really was no problem. It cost me almost $300 to cancel the contract but I did not care - he was not going to live there.  We then had the task of looking for another place to live. I called work and go the rest of the week off so I could help him. We looked all over and found a really nice place with one opening left.  I wanted him to stay there so bad but grandpa had already offered the basement so it was an easy way out for Boyd. He does not do well with change or meeting new people so he finally decided to stay at my parents.  I hate that as I know he will come home everyday and do nothing just like Cortnie did. He needs to find friends and socialize. So far he has proved me right and come home every day.  It breaks my heart and i really hope he will do something soon. At least he is settled in now and enjoying school.

The girls were also moving in to their new place that same weekend that I stayed. We called Rob and asked me to bring the truck up to help them move. They had so much stuff!  He brought James with him and drove until after midnight to get there.  I am so glad they came. There is no way I coudl have lifted all those boxes and it would have taken us 25 trips with their cars.  I spent the following day unpacking and putting together a new place.  My short five day trip was not 11 and I was exhausted.  I am glad I was able to go and to help out.  We also turned around and went to Panaca four days after getting home from there.  Again, nice to go but so glad to be home. 

We are home now for a month but Boyd is coming home this weekend to go to the temple with his friend so a Vegas trip and then two weeks after that we go to General Conference again.  We have a trip or activity planned once a month for the rest of the year to see our kids in Utah and I am so glad.  I want to be with them all so bad. I miss them like crazy.  Three more years - then hopefully we can move.  I just need to have faith that things will continue to work out.  I need to somehow help my son to feel the spirit again so he will want to have the church in his life - Skyler that is.  Prayers and more prayers.  I can do this right ....you bet I can.